No One Is Ever Really Gone
by wannabe-an-author1864
Summary: Anyaest was trained alongside Ben Solo in the art of the Force. When Ben turned over to the dark side he believed he has lost the girl forever. However, she won't stop fighting for him fighting to make sure he comes back to the light. SPOILER FOR THE LAST JEDI AND FORCE AWAKENS
1. Dear Agony

**Song for this chapter: Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin**

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It had been a long day of training, Master Skywalker had worked his pupils hard and they had all laid down for the night. Anyaest was almost asleep when she heard a loud crash followed by screaming. Bolting upwards she looked around to see that all of her other padawans were missing. While she shared a room with four other girls, her thoughts went to one person and one person only.

"Ben," Anyaest called out as she took off running. As she exited her hut she found the horror of what had happened. Fires were burning and the temple was destroyed, she could see the bodies of her fallen padawans scattered everywhere. "Ben" She called again when suddenly she noticed that Ben's hut was crumbled. "No!" Anyaest sprinted towards the ruins. "Ben!"

"It had to be Snoke!" That was the only thing Anyaest could think of as what could have happened.

As she began to pull stones away she kept calling out for Ben. She could still hear screaming slowly fading as she dug, she prayed she would find Ben alive. What she found however, made her scream in fear as she backed away. Under the rubble she found Master Skywalker, unconscious, perhaps even dead.

"Anya" She heard a voice call and she quickly recognized it as Ben's.

She felt ungodly conflicted her heart wanted to go find Ben but her head told her to stay with Master Skywalker.

"Anya" She heard Ben call again.

"That's it, leave Luke, go find Ben Solo." Anya heard a voice in her head say.

"No, get out of my head!" She screamed as she recognized the voice of Snoke.

Suddenly Anya was thrown backwards caught by something.

"Let me go!" She started to scream.

"Anya" The person holding her said as he turned her around to find Ben was the one who grabbed her.

"Ben!" She exclaimed as she hugged him. "I thought…" She started when suddenly she saw everything, she saw what had happened, who had destroyed the temple and killed all of her friends. "No," She cried as she pushed Ben away.

"You, you did this!" She cried tears welling up in her eyes.

"No Anya you don't understand."

"And Master Skywalker…"

"Luke tried to…"

"He's your uncle, Ben!" Anya screamed.

"He tried to kill me!" Ben screamed forcefully causing the rock behind Anya to split in half.

"What do you mean he tried to kill you."

"Luke Skywalker is a liar!" Snokes voice rang out again.

Anya saw Ben wince and quickly put her hands on his face making him look her in the eyes.

"Snoke made you do this didn't he. Ben you can't listen to him, you can't go over to the dark, you have to stay with me"

Suddenly a singeing pain began in Anyaest's head. She let out a loud scream as she collapsed into Ben's arms.

"Anya" Ben screamed. "Master stop this!"

The pain stopped and when Anya opened her eyes she found she was no longer at the training camp instead she was in a large dark room and the only three people there were her, Ben and Snoke.

"You said you wanted her to join us. You said she could be spared." Ben argued as he looked at Snoke.

"That was until I realized you were in love with her!" Snoke screamed.

Suddenly Anya felt like she was being choked as she was lifted off the ground.

"Ben!" She tried to choke out as she could feel the force around her neck tightening.

"Stop!" Ben screamed as he held his hand out trying to throw Snoke back but instead Snoke threw him back and Anya came crashing to the floor.

"Kill her!" Snoke screamed angrily as he brought Anya to her feet.

No," Ben said getting up.

"She is the only thing standing in your way from becoming your true self."

"Ben, don't listen to him." Anya cried.

"Ben Solo can be no more, you must destroy any part of your previous life, and in order to do that you must kill her."

"I won't!" Ben snapped.

"Kill her!"

"No!" Ben screamed his face turning red.

"Fight him Ben." Anya screamed only to be crushed down into the floor by Snokes power.

"Don't!" Ben pleaded his voice cracking.

"Fulfill your destiny and kill her."

"No!" Ben screamed with such force. Suddenly there was a loud crack again and then Ben and Anya were no longer in the room but back at the temple. The crack had come from the rocks that were behind Anya. Ben had shattered the boulder with the force and it came crumbling down right on top of Anya.

"No!" Ben called as he reached his hand out and tried to stop this stones, but it was too late. "Anya" Ben screamed, he was about to move the rocks when suddenly the voice of Snoke rang through his mind.

"Well done." Snoke laughed.

"No, I didn't she…" Ben's voice cracked. "Anya"

"She was a distraction, now that she is gone, we can truly begin your real training.

"I…" Ben started again.

"Stop your sniveling, go grab the others you left alive and come to me." Then the voice left leaving young Ben Solo alone with his own thoughts and his guilt. Quickly he moved the rocked finding Anyaest lying unconscious. She looked almost peaceful even in death.

"Anya I'm sorry." Ben cried before he wiped his tears away and his sadness was quickly replaced with rage.

He stormed off and forgot about the girl, and forgot about Ben Solo if only to spare himself from grief.

But what the young man didn't know was that he had not killed the girl he loved. For 6 years she lay unconscious, waiting only waiting until Ben Solo was ready, until he had reached a point where he was open to change. When Snoke had pushed him too far.

That fate night came on the bridge when son faced father. The moment that was supposed to kill Ben Solo forever and leave only Kylo remaining. However as the lightsaber blade pierced Han Solo's heart, Ben felt more conflicted than ever. As his father looked him in the eyes with such a look of love, Ben could feel himself holding back the tears. As his father fell into the abyss, his only thought were for the girl he had killed so many years ago.

At the same time far away on the planet of D'Quar, General Leia Organa felt the loss of her husband and the pain that was brewing in her son trying to escape. Her thoughts then drifted to the girl who lay unconscious a few rooms away.

"Ben!" Anya exclaimed as she sat up feeling Ben's energy and his internal cry for help.


	2. Paralyzed

Song for this chapter: Paralyzed by NF

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Anya sat looking around the room completely and utterly confused. The last thing she remembered was being with Master Skywalker and Ben. She gasped when she remembered what Ben had done and what had happened with Snoke. But after that everything was a blank except for the scene she had just witnessed in her head. She had seen Ben kill his father.

Suddenly she looked down and noticed she was strapped into wires everywhere. Panickedly she began to pull them off throwing her legs over the side of the bed. However, when Anya went to stand she found her legs didn't want to hold her weight and she fell face first onto the ground.

"Anya !" Anya heard a voice exclaim. Anya looked up to see a young girl with her hair in two blonde buns staring at her with such shock.

Anya sighed as she placed her head on her hand as she looked up at the girl. "Are you going to help me up or am I just going to keep staring at the floor?"

The girl quickly rushed to Anya 's side helping her to her feet.

"Alright, now that I have regained an upright position, tell me, what the hell is going on."

The girl, who introduced herself as Lieutenant Connix explained almost everything about what had happened. She said after Kylo Ren, the name in which Ben was now going by, had left Anya at the temple thinking she was dead. Luke Skywalker who had not been killed found her and then sent a message to his sister General Organa who came and rescued the young girl. Luke then disappeared. And for 6 years Anya had laid unconscious.

"6 years!" Anya exclaimed. "I've been asleep for that long! And Ben…"

"General Organa doesn't talk about him much."

Suddenly Anya remembered what she had seen.

"Ben's mom, I need to speak with her." Anya panicked as she started to move forward, but again stumbled.

"Well, first let's get you changed ok," Connix said.

Anya looked down and saw that she was wearing just a small gown.

"Yes let's do that." Anya nodded.

Anya changed into dark green cargo pants and a large grey cloak and a black tank top underneath. The resistance uniform.

Anya still had trouble walking so she leaned onto Lieutenant Connix as they both walked into the control room. People were buzzing around but when Anya walked in everyone went silent.

The women Anya had not seen for a decade turned to look at the young girl she considered family.

"Anyaest" Leia said as she stood up.

At that moment all the strength Anya lacked returned to her as she ran forward into Leia's embrace.

Leia and Han had taken Anya and her brother under wings after Anya's brother had joined the fleet. That's how her and Ben had met.

He had been home from training when they met, from the instant he laid eyes on her he felt a connection between them. He could feel how strong the Force was inside of her. Ben had been the one to suggest that she come train with him and Luke.

"Leia, Ben, he… he killed…" Anya cried.

"I know, I felt it," Leia said her voice cracking. She was the strongest women in the universe, she had lost so much but her light never faltered.

"It was Snoke, it had to be…" Anya sobbed refusing to believe that Ben was beyond saving.

"You have been through much. And I hate to burden you with more, but we need to be getting on a transport." Leia said.

"Why, what's going on?" Anya asked.

"The first order knows where we are, they are heading our way," Connix said.

Suddenly Anya felt a sharp pain slice across her chest and face. She turned around and suddenly she was no longer at the rebel base, but on a snow covered planet staring at the boy she once knew who now was almost unrecognizable.

He stood on one side staring into the distance at a girl who was on the other side of a large chasm.

"Ben!" Anya called but no sound came out. She watched as Ben stood up angrily and started walking towards Anya. She began to run towards him but quickly stopped when she saw the burn mark freshly made on his face. "Oh Ben," She sighed as she reached out to grab his shoulder, shocked when she actually felt him. Ben turned to look at what had touched him lightsaber drawn. For a moment he thought he felt an energy he hadn't felt for six years. He shook it off letting the pain of not only his injuries but also the pain of the knowledge that he had now killed two people in his life that he loved. He collapsed to his knees the blood from his many wounds falling onto the white snow.

For the first time in years, he let himself properly cry. Only for a moment though, then he stood up, wiped his eyes, he looked back in the direction of Anya looking through her. Then he vanished.

Anya stumbled backward being caught by Leia.

"Anya! What is it, what did you see." Leia said as she steadied her.

"Ben, he's hurt he…" Anya started.

"General, we are on our way back." A voice came over the speaker.

Anya froze as she heard that voice, one she hadn't heard in what seemed like forever.

"Lieutenant Connix please escort her back to the medical wing." Leia interrupted.

"But that's…" Anya started again when Connix grabbed her and started to escort her out of the room.

"What is going on? Why won't she let me talk to him." Anya demanded.

"Just hush, I'll tell you in a minute just wait until we get back to the med bay."

"And what about Ben…" Anya continued when suddenly Connix stopped and turned to her.

"Ok, so I don't mind your calling Kylo by his real name, and I know Leia doesn't mind either, but when you are around the other resistance officers you need to not sound so sympathetic towards him."

"I know he has done terrible things, but Ben is still…"

"400, Kylo Ren has personally killed at least 400 people and tortured countless others, including your brother." Connix stopped her.

Anya clenched her teeth fighting back the tears. "400," She breathed trying to imagine how the sweet young Ben Solo she once knew was capable of something like that.

"I understand you care for him and clearly you two have some sort of connection that allows you to see him. But you don't want people around here to believe that you are a First Order sympathizer."

Anya just nodded as they continued to make their way to the med bay.

"Now, about your brother." Connix started as Anya sat down. "He thinks you died that day at the temple."

"What!" Anya 's head snapped up looking at Connix.

"General Leia knew that if your brother were to ever get captured, which he did, and Kylo read his mind, Snoke would find out and kill you instantly. So she made him believe you died. In fact, everyone on this base thought you died. I am the only one who General Leia trusted to watch over you."

Anya opened her mouth as if to protest, but she quickly shut it again knowing that Leia had been right.

Just then Leia walked into the med bay.

"General." Lieutenant Connix said saluting her.

"Thank you Kaydel. You have done a wonderful job protecting Anya. You are free to go back to your communications post."

"Ma'am if I may speak." Leia nodded. "Anya is still in danger and as her designated protector. I feel obligated to stay with her until she is out of any chance of harm."

Leia smiled as she nodded before she turned to look at Anya.

"I take it Lieutenant Connix informed you of the situation." Anya nodded. "Good, and until we figure out what we are going to do now that you are awake we need to keep allowing your brother to believe that you are dead," Leia said.

"How are we going to do that when we are having to evacuate this planet?" Suddenly Anya got an idea. "No, we can tell my brother."

"I understand that you want to see him, but it's better that he doesn't know if my son were to find out you were alive…" Leia started.

"Ben needs to know I'm alive."

"What!" Connix gasped.

"Listen, you said it, Ben and I have a connection we have since we first met. I can feel him and sometimes I can see him, and I can feel him and sometimes I can see him, and I can see how conflicted he is. Snoke pushed him too far. He can be saved Leia, I can bring him back."

"Anya, it's not that simple, we have tried reaching out to him, and look where that got us." She sighed. "I thought Han could be the one to save Ben…" Her voice cracked again.

Anya sighed, she knew she shouldn't be pushing the issue. Han had just been killed not but 20 minutes earlier. But she couldn't give up on Ben. She could feel his pain and his confliction. She could feel his emotions being torn in two, but the more Snoke tried to bring him to the dark side fully the more he pushed him to the light.

"Leia, I can't imagine what you are going through right now, but please, I can do this, I can bring Ben back."

Leia sighed as she looked down. Her heart couldn't handle another loss. Especially not one that would seal her son's fate. But she also knew that she couldn't give up hope. Hope was all she had.

"Leia looked up at Anya and just nodded, sending Anya out of the room a plan forming in her head.

"No, she can't!" Connix screamed as she ran after Anya. "How are you planning on getting to Kylo? You've been unconscious for 6 years, do you even remember how to fly."

"You know who my brother is, you think I don't know how to fly."

Connix suddenly froze looking behind Anya.

"What?" Anya started as she turned around to see her brother standing there helmet in hand staring at her shocked.

"Anya?" Poe Dameron gasped.


	3. Control

Song for this chapter: Control by Halsey and The Wolf by Phidel

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The two Dameron siblings stared at each other both as if they were looking at a ghost.

Anya had not seen her brother since she left to train with Luke, at least 10 years. He looked different. His boyish face was still there, but his eyes had aged. They had seen things. Death, destruction, pain. Anya knew that seeing her would open up wounds within Poe that he would have desperately tried to mend. She knew that his guilt would be so strong it was a wonder he made it through the day. He blamed himself for their parent's death, though he could have done nothing to prevent it. And as Poe stared at his sister who he believed had died, who he believed that son of a bitch Kylo Ren had killed all he could think of was the last thing to two men had said to one another.

A promise, the thing Poe had ever said to Ben Solo was a promise. Poe didn't like the idea of sending his little sister onto a distant planet to train in some mystic magic mumbo jumbo that could possibly take over his young impressionable sister and turn her into a monster. Ben had been the one to convince him.

"For the last time Poe, she will be safer if she learns how to control the Force." Ben sighed grabbing a bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

Poe growled annoyed that this child always insisted on talking down to him. Child may not have been the right term as Ben was 19 years old, only 3 years younger than Poe, but in his head it made Poe feel better.

"I still don't understand how you know she has these powers, she has never shown…"

"I sensed it when I first saw her. There is some sort of connection between us."

Poe cringed as he rubbed his eyes, "No, see that, what you just said, I don't like that."

Ben laughed slightly his laugh turning into a smile as Anya strode into the room.

"Ben what's taking so long, the freighter's fueled and ready," Anya said.

Poe looked up to see Ben's eyes locked on Anya.

"I was just convincing your brother that you would be safe," Ben said looking down at the girl.

While both Ben and Anya were the same age, being born on the same day in fact, Ben towered over her. And since Anya was an inch or two taller than her brother, Po felt like a youngling standing next to Ben.

"Poe everything is going to be fine, I promise," Anya said kissing her brother's cheek.

"Just give us a minute ok, Anya" Poe smiled.

"Ok, but not too long, Master Skywalker is waiting for us." Anya smiled as she ran off, Ben's eyes following her as she left.

Poe started at him, his angry facade softening. He didn't hate Ben, in fact, he actually really liked the kid, it was just Anya was all he had left if he lost her he didn't know what he would do.

"Listen, Solo, I know you care about my sister."

Ben's head snapped to look at Poe, but the minute he made eyes contact with Poe, Ben looked down at his feet.

"No I… No I don't…" Ben stuttered.

Poe chuckled slightly.

"I just need you to make me a promise." He started grabbing Ben's attention. "I need you to promise that you are going to protect Anya. I need you to promise that you are going to do everything in your power to protect her. I need you to promise me that I'm going to see my little sister again." Poe held his hand out to Ben.

Ben looked Poe in the eyes once again as he grabbed his hand.

"I swear to you in my life, nothing will happen to your sister. I will keep her safe." Ben swore, and he had never meant something more in his whole life.

After Ben believed he had killed Anya he pushed that promise to the back of his mind. That was until that fateful day on Jakku when Kylo Ren stood face to face with Poe Dameron once more.

"So who talks first, you talk first, I talk first?" Poe joked biting back what he actually wanted to say, no scream, at the son of the bitch. He wanted to personally kill Kylo Ren, make his death slow and painful. Poe wanted to make Kylo feel all the pain he had felt for the last 6 years.

He continued to hold in what he truly wanted to say until he faced Kylo again, this time on the Finalizer.

The torture tactics of the other officers of the First Order had no effect. Poe wasn't giving up where the map was.

"Sir, we've tried anything, he doesn't budge. None of our methods have worked." Captain Phasma said.

General Hux sighed annoyed. He knew who they needed but he hated the fact that they needed him.

"Bring me Kylo Ren," General Hux growled.

"You know, if you would have just let me do it my way, we would have already had the information we needed." Kylo snapped as he burst into the room.

Hux rolled his eyes as he turned to face the masked Kylo.

"The prisoner awaits," Hux said through gritted teeth.

Kylo smirked under his mask as he turned to leave the room. He loved getting under Hux's skin.

However as soon as he left the room, his smugness left as a feeling of dread washed over him. Ever since they had captured Poe, Kylo hadn't been able to stop thinking about Anya.

For a moment he stopped walking, closed his eyes, and pushed her memory back down. A trick he had learned, it was the only way he could will himself to get up in the morning. His rage replaced his pain as he strode into Poe's cell.

Poe lay eyes closed and the minute Kylo saw him the guilt hit him again.

"I had no idea we had the best pilot in the Resistance on board." Kylo started as the door shut behind him.

Poe opened his eyes and angrily glared at the man he once trusted. There would be no holding back this time.

"Comfortable?" Kylo asked avoiding eye contact with Po.

"Don't you dare act like you don't know me you mother fucker!"

Kylo was taken aback for a moment, finally looking Poe in the eye. He could see the pain in his eyes, a deep set pain that Kylo knew he was the cause of. The worst part was not the pain, but the resemblance between Poe and Anya was what hurt him the most.

He remembered how her eyes used to light up whenever they trained together. He remembered how her smile could make him feel instantly better no matter how much Snoke's voice had been berating him. He remembered how she never gave up on him, not for one second. And he remembered how he failed her.

Fighting back tears Kylo continued to speak. "No one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map."

"You promised!" Poe screamed. "You promised you would keep her safe." His voice cracked as tears streamed down his face as all the pain of the past six years he tried to suppress came to the surface. "I trusted you! She trusted you, how could you! And then you just left her body there, you didn't even have the decency to live up to your mistake. I thought you cared about her!"

A tear fell down Kylo's face as he reached out his hand at Poe inflicting as much pain as he could muster.

"Where is it?" Kylo asked his voice cracking.

Kylo could see Poe's face contorted with pain but he clenched his jaw not allowing Kylo to get the satisfaction of a scream.

Kylo stopped for a moment allowing Poe the chance to catch his breath.

"You are a monster!" Poe said weakly. "She was all I had left, and you knew that!"

More tears fell as Kylo reached out his hand again.

"Where is it!" He screamed this time filling Poe's mind with Kylo's memory of that night. Anya getting choked, her getting thrown, crushed into the floor. But instead of showing Poe how Anya truly died, Kylo pulled a scene from one of his recurring nightmares. Anya was standing in front of Kylo, she placed her hand on his face and Kylo ran his lightsaber through her chest.

This caused Poe to scream out in agony.

Kylo continued to run these images in Poe's head along with inflicting pain until Poe finally broke, telling Kylo where the map was.

"It's in a droid. A BB unit." Kylo said as he stormed out of the room running face to face with Hux.

"Well then, if it's on Jakku, we'll soon have it," Hux said.

"I leave that to you," Kylo said as he hurried his way back to his room. As soon as he entered the room he quickly threw off his mask hurling it across the room.

He then brought his saber out ready to tear something to shreds. But as the saber lit, Kylo caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

Tears were streaming down his face, and for the first time in 6 years he didn't see Kylo Ren looking back at him, he saw a monster.

The weight of everything he had done hit him at once and he collapsed to his knees.

Turning off his lightsaber Kylo threw it across the room as he let out a loud angry scream.

Back on D'Quar Poe Dameron stared at his sister, so many thoughts running through his mind. However, he could only think of one word to say.

"No," Poe said as he turned to walk away.


	4. Skin

**Song for this chapter: Skin by Rag'n Bone Man**

 **CALLING ALL THE ARTISTS IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN DRAWING FANART FOR THIS STORY PLEASE LET ME KNOW. IF YOU ARE YOU WILL BE FEATURED IN A CHAPTER AND I WILL WRITE A CHARACTER WITH YOUR NAME**

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"Poe!" Anya called as she chased after him.

"No!" Poe just kept saying unable to believe that the girl was his sister.

"Poe, please," Anya begged attempting to stop her brother.

"This isn't happening," Poe said as he started to head towards his x-wing.

"Stop!" Anya screamed as she held out her hand and Poe suddenly came to a halt, no longer able to move.

Anya's eyes went wide as she quickly dropped her hand and Poe slowly turned around.

"Poe," Anya started to apologize when Poe suddenly started sprinting at her dropping his helmet as he enveloped her in a giant hug.

"I thought," Poe said his voice cracking.

"Hey, its okay." Anya soothed.

"But Leia she said…" Poe started when suddenly he pushed Anya back looking at Leia and Connix who were standing in the doorway.

"Anya, Poe, can I speak to you in my office," Leia said.

"6 years!" Poe screamed kicking a chair over. "You let me believe for six fucking years that my sister was dead."

"Language Commander Dameron." Leia sighed as Anya sat squeezing her hands in between her thighs as she looked at the floor.

"Were you ever going to tell me!" Poe screamed tears in his eyes as he looked at the one person in the world he thought would never lie to him. "If she hadn't woken up, would you have told me."

"Commander Dameron, General Organa had a very good reason for not telling you." Connix started.

"I don't even want to start with you, Kaydel," Poe growled looking at the girl who for the last two years had slept in the same bed as him.

Anya's head snapped up looking between her brother and Connix realizing that the two of them were a thing.

"You told me that Anya had been killed, you said that your son had killed her. And then when I was on their ship, Kylo showed me what happened. I saw him run her through with his lightsaber." Poe stated turning towards Anya.

"What?" She said as she stood up. "What do you mean?"

"When that fu…" Poe started but he saw Leia raise an eyebrow at him." "When Kylo was torturing me to tell him where the map to Luke Skywalker was, he kept showing me him hurting you and then killing you."

"Ben never hurt me, and what happened with the rocks was an accident. Everything that has happened is because of Snoke." Anya said.

"Why are you defending him?" Poe asked seriously gripping his helmet tighter.

Suddenly one of the Resistance officers burst into the room.

"General Leia, the droid, the R2 unit, it's operational again." He said.

Quickly everyone started to head out into the main room. Anya stood next to her brother and R2-D2 projected a map with a missing piece into the air.

Suddenly BB-8 started to beep intensely and somehow Poe understood what the droid meant.

"Yeah, all right buddy, hold on," Poe said as he ran and got the map, putting it into BB-8 who projecting it, connecting it with R2-D2's piece.

"Luke," Leia gasped and everyone around Anya began cheering.

Anya, however, could only hear Ben's voice in her head.

"He tried to kill me!" He screamed and once again Anya found herself no longer at the Resistance base but instead on another First Order ship.

Kylo lay on a bed, medical droids working to fix him up. General Hux stood in the corner of the room annoyed.

How he wished the girl had finished off the arrogant fool. Kylo had done nothing to help the First Order, no matter how much Snoke insisted that he was going to be a new Vader.

"He should be fine sir." the droids said as they started to clear out of the room.

"Wonderful," Hux said begrudgingly.

As the room cleared out, it left only Anya, Hux, and Kylo who still lay unconscious on the table.

"You failed once again, Ren," Hux said a smug smile on his face as he stormed out of the room.

"Ben," Anya tried to say but once again she couldn't make a sound.

Sighing she knelt next to his bed moving one of his curls away from his face

Suddenly Ben's eyes snapped open grabbing Anya's arm.

"How are you here." He asked his brown eyes glistening with tears.

Anya opened her mouth but quickly shut it knowing he couldn't hear her anyway.

"I see," Ben said sitting up wincing as the pain of his side hit him. "I'm dreaming."

Anya wished that Ben would open up his mind to her. He was so closed off. When they had first started to train, they had figured out how to connect their thoughts, so that when they weren't near each other they could still talk.

"So which nightmare is it today, the one where I kill you or the one where you call me a monster because I would rather have the latter," Ben said trying to act tough but then his back hunched forward and his shoulder began to shake as he softly cried.

Anya could feel the pain surging through him. The 29-year-old man looked as broken as a child. His world was crumbling down around him.

Quickly Anya went and kneeled in front of him placing her hands on his face.

"No," Ben snapped getting off the bed.

Anya tried to think of a way to comfort him, but without being able to speak it was a little difficult.

She walked over to him so she was facing him. Then she grabbed his hand and placed it on her cheek holding his hand with both of hers.

"I killed him Anya," Ben said his voice cracking as he looked at her. He noticed that she looked different. She had longer hair, and she looked older. Her brown eyes locked with his and he noticed an almost pleading look in them.

More tears fell as Ben leaned his forehead onto hers.

"This may be the cruelest nightmare of all." He cried wishing, praying, that somehow this could be real, that she could actually be alive.

His grief was becoming too strong and he could feel it. If he didn't do something soon he knew it would consume him.

Ben turned away wiping his face, letting the grief be replaced by rage once again, the only coping skill he knew.

"Why are you here?" Ben said fading away and letting Kylo take over as he grabbed his lightsaber.

"Ben, what are you doing?" Anya mouthed.

"Get out of my head!" Kylo screamed as he lit his lightsaber.

"Ben don't!" Anya screamed as she closed her eyes. Kylo then sliced his saber through her middle.

Anya opened her eyes and found herself standing next to her brother once again.

"Ben!" Anya gasped as she stumbled backward holding her stomach.

"Anya," Poe said eyes wide as he looked at his sister. "What's wrong?"

"When do we fly out?" Anya asked.

"What?" Poe asked.

"When do we evacuate, how long do we have." Anya asked as she started to walk out.

"We leave tomorrow unless those bastards sneak attack us. Leia wants to see Rey off. We just talked about his, where were you?" Poe joked but Anya wasn't smiling.

"The Finalizer," Anya stated.

"The Fina… what! Where are you going?"

"I need a ship." She said. "Can I take yours?"

"Anya," Poe called. "Anya, Stop!" He said grabbing her arm and pulling her into a side room. "Will you sit still for one second. Now tell me what is going on."

Anya sighed as she shut the door.

"I'm going to see Ben," She said facing the door.

"You're what!" Poe screamed.

"Poe, don't get mad." Anya said turning back towards Poe.

"Oh, no, this is the perfect situation to stay calm!"

"Poe."

"Don't, Poe me, why the fuck would you want to go to him. Do you know what he has done."

"Snoke made him…" Anya started.

"Don't start with that Snoke made him do it bullshit!" Poe screamed. "I didn't see Snoke holding Kylo's lightsaber when he killed all of those people, or when he killed Han. He was like a father to us Anya how can you…"

"Poe, listen to me," Anya started.

"No!" Poe screamed as he chucked his helmet across the room.

Anya quickly brought her hand up stopping the helmet in mid-air. Slowly she brought it down setting it on the floor.

Poe ran to her taking her face in his hands.

"Listen, Anya, I know you cared about him, but he is not Ben Solo anymore. Ben Solo is dead. That monster killed him. Just like he is going to kill you if you get anywhere near him."

"Ben is still in there I can feel it. I can't give up on him."

"Why are you so stubborn!" Poe screamed.

"Because I'm your sister!" Anya screamed back.

Poe paused for a second before dropping his hands again.

"No, you aren't going, that's final," Poe said as he started to storm out of the room.

"Don't!" Anya yelled as she held out her hand and threw Poe backward into a chair.

"Stop doing that!" Poe yelled.

"Then stop trying to walk away from me and listen."

"Anya no matter what you say, I'm never going to let you go fly off just to get yourself killed."

"I love him, Poe."

Poe Dameron started at his sister. He sighed knowing that there was no way to stop her. She had made up her mind.

"I can't lose you again Anya" Poe said standing up.

Anya looked at her brother. She knew he was in pain, and shock and still trying to process everything. Anya knew she wasn't helping.

"Poe," She said as she walked towards him. "I'm so sorry, I can't imagine what you have been through, and I can only imagine how confused you are. But the Resistance isn't going to stand a chance if we lose Ben to the dark side fully. He's fading and if I don't go after him he'll be gone.

"What about Snoke. He wants you dead, right, so how long do you think you will be on that ship before he kills you."

"I'll figure something out. Poe please, I have to do this."

Poe groaned tears in his eyes as he smirked.

"Well you are not taking my X-Wing, you won't make it anywhere close to the Finalizer without being blown outta space," Poe said causing Anya to pull him into an embrace. "Just promise… god, the last time I made this promise I lost you."

"Then don't make me promise, we will see each other again, I know it." Anya said tears in her eyes as well.

"I just have one thing, make me one small promise and then I will let you go."

Anya let go of her brother and looked at his now tear-stained face.

"Promise me that when you bring Ben back, I can punch him in his stupid face," Poe said causing Anya to laugh.

"I think that's more than fair." She laughed as Poe pulled her in for another long hug.

The two built the plan, how she would get in, and how she would find her way to Ben.

When it was finally time to evacuate, the plan was well set. Poe would be heading off with his fleet to take down a Dreadnought, while Anya would board the transport ship and then leave through an escape pod.

"You know the odds of this actually working…" Poe started but Anya quickly put her hand in front of his mouth.

"Never tell me the odds." Anya smiled as she pulled her brother in for a hug.

"I still have a bad feeling about this." Poe teased.

"Oh, you hush up." Anya laughed shoving him before she took a moment to really look at him. "You know something." She said ruffling his hair. "Mom would be so proud of the man you've become."

Poe could feel his eyes fill with tears again. Quickly he pulled Anya in for another hug.

"Ok, we have to go or we are never going to leave." Anya said wiping her eyes.

She quickly turned and started to walk away not able to say anything else.

"Hey Anya!" Poe yelled and Anya turned around. "May the Force be with you." He called causing Anya to smile as she turned away and walked to the transport.


	5. Way Down We Go

**Song for this chapter: Way Down We Go by Kaleo**

* * *

"We need to launch our strike as soon as possible." Hux started. "The Resistance knows we are coming."

"No, we need to go after the girl, she will lead us to Luke…" Kylo started.

"Luke Skywalker is not our main target! He's yours!"

Kylo bawled his hand into a fist just glaring at Hux, trying his hardest not to kill him on the spot.

"Our focus needs to be snuffing out the Resistance. Not chasing after a girl who bested you."

"She did not best me," Kylo said through gritted teeth.

"Take a look at yourself Ren," Hux said smugly. "She has beaten you, a lowly scavenger from Jakku has bested the great Kylo Ren!" Hux laughed but he quickly was cut off as he flew across the room all the way to Kylo who wrapped his hand around his neck lifting him off the ground.

Kylo didn't even say anything as he just continued to choke Hux.

The bridge of the Finalizer was silent as Hux struggled against Kylo's grip. Not only did the Force give him an upper hand but Kylo was much stronger than Hux physically.

"I'm… I'm sorry." Hux choked out causing Kylo to drop him.

"Start the attack, get right outside the atmosphere of D'Qar, if they try to run send the dreadnought after them, they won't get far," Kylo said as he stormed out of the room smiling as stormtroopers moved out of the way when they saw him coming.

Kylo enjoyed being feared, it gave him his space, people didn't bother him.

"Don't get cocky Kylo, you have disappointed me." Snoke snarled in his head.

Kylo's smile fell.

"And stop thinking about her!" Snoke screamed so loud Kylo stumbled a little as he walked.

He clenched his teeth as he rolled his eyes making his way towards his room. It was the one place where he felt like he didn't have to pretend, it was the place he felt safe.

"Son," He heard a voice say in his head but this time it wasn't Snoke.

Kylo took off his helmet setting it on the bed. "I forgive you." The voice said again.

Kylo shook his head, he recognized the voice but he couldn't believe who it was.

Quickly he threw his cape onto the bed sitting cross-legged on the ground closing his eyes and clearing his mind.

Taking a deep breath he slowly began to envision a shield building around him. He had been teaching himself how to shield his thoughts from Snoke's view.

"Ben," The voice said again but Ben tried to ignore it. "Benjamin Owen Solo!" The voice screamed causing Ben's eyes to snap open and he found himself back on the bridge. However this time there was no sound, Rey and Finn weren't standing on the balcony and time seemed almost nonexistent.

But the only thing Ben Solo could focus on was the man walking towards him.

"What are you doing Ben?" Han Solo said approaching his son.

Ben looked around eyes wide. "How is this happening, what is going on."

"Ben," Han sighed as he continued to walk towards him.

"No," Ben said scrambling to his feet. "How are you here?"

Han chuckled. "You were always like this when you were younger. You have to have answers."

Ben started as his father, thinking, trying to think of any logical way he could be seeing him. He wasn't dreaming he knew that

"Stop overthinking and just listen," Han said grabbing his son by the shoulder.

Ben's breath hitched as he felt his father's touch. Looking at the hand on his shoulder he was brought back to when he was little.

"Dad please," young Ben solo who was no more than 7 at the time pleaded. "You promised.

"Did I promise, because I don't seem to recall…" Han teased.

"You did, you said as soon as you came back from your trip you would let me see inside the Falcon." The young curly black haired boy whined

"Hmmm, I don't know if you're old enough son," Han said trying to be serious.

"Stop teasing him, Han." Leia smiled.

The young child looked at his father his brown eyes wide.

"Alright," Han said causing the young boy's face to light up.

"Woah!" Young Ben said as he first entered the Millennium Falcon.

Han smiled at his son's amazement. The young boy ran around looking at everything taking in all the sights. He dreamed of one day being able to fly the beautiful "hunk of junk" as his mother liked to call it. Ben would never tell his mother, but when he grew up he wanted to be a smuggler like his dad.

Suddenly Ben ran into a giant wall of fur, looking up he found his father's best friend.

"Chewie!" Ben squealed as the wookie picked him up.

The boy laughed as Chewbacca swung him around.

"Alright Fuzzball, don't break the kid, we still haven't even gotten to the best part yet." Han smiled as they entered the cockpit.

The young boy gasped as he hopped into the pilot's seat.

"When can I fly it, dad," Ben asked grabbing the flight controls.

"When your feet can actually touch the ground when you sit in the chair."

"But mom's feet don't touch the floor and you've let her fly it."

Han burst out laughing. "Don't you ever tell your mother I laughed at that." He said as he placed his hand on his son's shoulder.

Ben's memory faded and he found himself back on the bridge, his father stared at him sadly.

Tears flooded into Ben' eyes.

"I'm sorry dad," He broke falling to his knees "I just… I didn't…"

"Hey, Ben…" Han said kneeling down next to him. "I forgive you. I know there is a conflict in you. I know that Snoke made you believe that you are alone and made you believe that the only potential you had was to live up to your grandfather's legacy. But the one thing he didn't tell you was your grandfather's legacy was not all death and destruction. He had love, he had friends, and in the end, he didn't die the villain, he died the hero."

"What do you mean!" Ben asked when suddenly he found himself standing in a field.

A young man stood riding an animal while a beautiful young women stood watching him, laughing.

Suddenly the young man was knocked off the animal and thrown to the ground almost being trampled. After the animal left, the young man lay on the ground unmoving.

Ben took a step forward but stopped when he heard the women yell.

"Ani?" She called and suddenly Ben figured out what he was seeing. "Anakin?" She called again as she reached him turning him over to find him laughing.

They began to roll in the grass before finally embracing one another in a kiss.

The scene quickly changed and Ben found himself standing next to a transport ship with two men talking to each other on a flight of stairs.

"Hold on, this whole operation was your idea," The longer haired one, who Ben now recognized as his grandfather Anakin Skywalker said.

"Let us not forget Anakin, that you rescued me from the bus droids, and you killed Count Dooku and you rescued the Chancellor carrying me unconscious on your back." The other man stated a smile on his face.

"All because of your training," Anakin said and then Ben knew who the other man was. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ben stared at him tilting his head to the side as he looked at him. He didn't look like the monster Snoke described him to be.

"Anakin, let's be fair, today you were the hero." Obi-Wan insisted. "And you deserve your glorious day with the politicians." He smiled at his friend.

"But the darkness got a hold of him and soon he lost those things he held dear." Han Solo's voice said.

"Don't you turn against me." Ben heard and he saw Anakin and Padme facing each other on a volcanic planet, but this time Anakin looked different, darker, colder, very similar to the face Ben saw when he looked in the mirror.

"I don't know you anymore." Padme cried. "Anakin, you're breaking my heart, you're going down a path I can't follow."

"Because of Obi-Wan." Anakin sneered.

"Because of what you've done!" Padme screamed. "What you plan to do!"

Ben noticed his grandfather glare into the ship, following his gaze he found Obi-Wan standing in the ship's entrance.

"Liar!" Anakin screamed.

"No!" Padme cried looking between the two men.

"You're with him now, you brought him here to kill me!" Anakin screamed as he began to Force choke Padme.

"No!" Ben called out being reminded of the night at the temple.

The scene changed again this time Ben found his grandfather lying near a river of lava and Obi-Wan standing above him.

"You were the chosen one!" Obi-Wan screamed. "It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them. Bring balance to the Force not leave it in darkness."

Obi-Wan began to walk away.

"I hate you!" Anakin screamed as he slowly began sliding closer to the lava.

Obi-Wan turned back looking sadly at his friend.

"You were my brother Anakin! I loved you." Obi-Wan cried.

Ben watched as his grandfather's body slowly caught fire.

Turning away, the scene faded once more.

"Why are you showing me this?" Ben pleaded.

"Because even after all of the death and turmoil your grandfather caused, in the end, he saved everyone."

Ben could hear screaming and he turned to see Luke on the ground lightning bolts hitting him causing his body to contort with pain.

A twinge of anger washed over him as Ben saw the man he trusted who he believed had betrayed him. He then looked over to see Darth Vader standing next to the Emperor. All of a sudden Darth Vader grabbed the Emperor lifting him off the ground, allowing all the energy that had been directed at Luke to transfer to him as he through the Emperor over the edge sending him to his death.

Collapsing to the ground Darth Vader watched as his master fell.

The scene changed once more this time it was just Luke and Vader.

"Luke, help me take this mask off." Vader pleaded.

"But you'll die?" Luke said.

"Nothing can stop that now, just for once let me look on you with my own eyes."

Ben watched as the man he had prided himself on being like faded away and he saw Vader for who he truly was. Burns covered his face, his eyes were swollen and his mouth could barely move to smile when he looked at his son.

"Now go my son," Anakin said straining to talk. "Leave me."

"No!" Luke said. "You're coming with me. I'm not leaving you here, I've got to save you."

"You already have Luke," Anakin said weakly. "You were right, you were right about me. Tell your sister you were right."

"Father, I won't leave you." Luke pleaded but it was too late. Anakin Skywalker had died.

A tear fell down Ben's face as the scene faded and he found himself back on the bridge. Everything he had been told by Snoke had been a lie.

"You see son, no one is beyond saving, you still have time, you still have time to change," Han said.

"How? What I have done, everything I have done, I can't be forgiven." Ben cried.

Han sighed looking at his poor son knowing time was limited.

"She will save you, just let her save you." He said as he too faded away leaving young Ben in his room once more.

Wiping his eyes Ben stood up turning towards his window. That's when he saw a lone X-Wing. An X-Wing that Ben instantly recognized.

"Poe," He sighed.

Ben watched as Poe worked on taking out the dreadnought cannons while the Finalizer worked on taking out the transport ships. Rage took over as Ben faded away making way for Kylo.

"No don't focus on the ships. Focus on that X-Wing!" Kylo growled knowing what Poe's plan was. "Don't be stupid Hux." And just like that, he watched as Poe Dameron led his fleet to the slaughter but brought down a dreadnought.

Kylo growled angrily as he rolled his eyes. Once again Hux's stupidity had let the Resistance get away.

"Come to me, now!" Snoke growled in Kylo's head. Sighed Kylo grabbed his mask and his cape putting them on as he headed towards Snoke.

Getting in the elevator he couldn't forget what he had seen, but he knew for his own safety he had to push his feelings and the images away.

As the elevator doors opened Kylo could hear Snoke's menacing laughter.

"Tied on a string indeed, General Hux well done. The Resistance will soon be in our grasp." Snoke smiled.

"Thank you Supreme Leader," Hux said as he turned to walk towards the elevator when he saw Kylo he smiled rubbing in the fact that Snoke was proud of him. Kylo quickly responded by making Hux trip causing him to fall into the elevator.

"You wonder why I keep Armitage in such a place of power. A Kar's weakness properly manipulated can be a sharp tool." Snoke said as Kylo kneeled before him. "How's your wound?" He asked.

Kylo continued to look at the ground as he spoke.

"It's nothing." He responded.

"The mighty Kylo Ren, when I found you, I saw what all masters wish to see, raw untamed power and beyond that something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new Vader." Snoke sneered causing Kylo to grit his teeth. "Now I fear I was mistaken."

Kylo looked up at his master. What Snoke couldn't see was the look of hurt in Kylo's eyes. He had disappointed Snoke once again.

"I've given everything I have to you." Kylo spat trying to keep his emotions at bay. "To the dark side."

"Take that ridiculous thing off." Snoke snapped.

Kylo looked at his master again the hurt sinking even more in as he slowly took his mask off.

"Yes, there it is, you have too much of your father's heart in you young Solo."

"I killed Han Solo, when the moment came I didn't hesitate." Kylo snapped. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, after everything he had sacrificed, he still wasn't good enough.

"And look at you, the deed split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber. You failed!" Snoke screamed finally pushing Kylo far enough where he stood up ready to fight Snoke.

Snoke quickly retaliated by blasting him with lightning bolts sending him flying backward.

Kylo crashed to the ground slowly getting back up as he glared at Snoke.

"Skywalker lives, the seed of the Jedi Order lives, as long as it does, hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas your no Vader, you're just a child in a mask."

The sting in that statement dug into Kylo like a blade.

"Leave," Snoke commanded and Kylo stormed out and into the elevator.

As he stood helmet it hand he felt the hurt turn to rage again. The rage festered and built up so much that it needed an outlet and Kylo began slamming the helmet into the side of the elevator sending glass shards shattering everywhere.

When the elevators doors opened Kylo dropped the shattered remains of the mask yelling at the two people who had the unfortunate luck of running into him.

"Prepare my ship!" He yelled as he stormed down the hallway.

He would prove himself to Snoke, to everyone, he would prove that he wasn't a child in a mask.

As soon as he got in his Tie Silencer he flew off right towards the biggest Resistance transport ships. Upon reaching it he flew straight for their loading docks shooting at it causing many of their X-Wings to blow up. Moving one he headed towards the bridge. His finger made its way to the trigger when suddenly he felt his mother's presence.

He could feel her gazing at him. She wasn't disappointed or angry, mostly she was just sad. He felt her grief. But also he felt her hope. Hope that one day her son would return to her.

Kylo hesitated.

"Just do it, just fucking do it." Kylo thought this would prove himself to Snoke.

"Language Benjamin." He heard his mother say to him causing him to smirk slightly moving his finger away from the trigger.

He only had a moment to breath before another Tie Fighter came and blew up the bridge. Pain ran through Kylo as the energy of his mother disappeared.

He closed his eyes taking a moment before he quickly began to fly back to the Finalizer.

All the rage had melted away as he had barely had even stopped his Tie Silencer before he hopped out storming towards his room.

Everyone he cared about was now dead, he was now completely and utterly alone. He couldn't stop thinking about the last thought he had seen from his mother. Her hope for him.

"No one is beyond saving." He thought about what his father had said. But now who would save him. His mother was dead. His father was dead. The girl who he had loved, dead.

Kylo made his way towards his room. He needed the solitude.

"Master Ren, Hux needs to see you…" A stormtrooper started but Kylo threw him into a wall.

"Tell him I will see him when I want to!" Kylo screamed entering his room.

However, he skidded to a stop when he saw a long-haired women staring out his window.

Quickly he threw his hand out to grab his saber. However, his old saber from his training days with Luke flew to him instead.

"What?" He gasped out loud.

The women at the window turned around causing Kylo to drop his lightsaber.

"Hi Ben," Anya smiled.


	6. I'll Be Good

**Song for this chapter: I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young**

* * *

"You can't do this," Connix insisted as she followed Leia and Anya toward the escape pod.

"Connix, go back to the bridge." Anya said.

"No, this is dumb, you're going to get killed," Connix yelled grabbing Anya by the arm.

"Kaydal," Leia said.

"We don't have time for this. They are literally trying to blow this ship out of the sky if I don't leave now I won't get to the Finalizer in one piece."

Suddenly Anya felt a wave of anger rush through her.

"Anya," Leia said grabbing her shoulder but when Anya looked over it wasn't Leia standing next to her but Ben.

His rage was fuming and Anya could feel it.

She didn't even bother trying to talk. Ben's rage was blinding him so much he couldn't even see Anya this time.

Anya jumped as Ben slammed his mask into the side of the glass elevator.

"Failure," She could hear him say in his thoughts. "Disappointment."

Anya sighed sadly as she looked at Ben. He was always like this when they were training. He was ungodly hard on himself. Snoke's voice in his head didn't help that.

"A child in a mask," The voice's taunted.

Ben quickly dropped the remains of the mask to the ground.

The elevator doors opened and Ben and Anya were greeted by two people.

"Prepare my ship!" Ben screamed leaving the elevator and Anya in it.

Slowly Anya bent down picking up the shards of the mask. She didn't know if this was the end of Kylo Ren or the beginning of an even bigger issue.

Closing her eyes she dropped the mask and when she opened her eyes she was back with the resistance.

"He's coming here." Anya said to Leia.

"Who Ben?" Connix asked.

"Yes, and he's mad, Snoke pissed him off, made him feel like a failure, which makes him do stupid things. I have to go now, this is my last chance." Anya begged.

Connix quickly let go of Anya looking at the floor.

Anya pulled her in for a hug. "Take care of my brother. He may be mad now, but he will get over it."

"Be careful up there, if you die Poe's gonna kill me." Connix laughed as she broke away.

Anya then turned to Leia who looked at her with sad eyes.

"Bring him home, Anya" She pleaded as she hugged Anya.

"I will, Ben's going to come back to us, I feel it."

"If it comes down to you saving Ben, and you making it out alone…" Leia started seriously.

"I'll save Ben," Anya responded.

Leia and Connix looked at each other.

"No, Anya, if it comes down to saving Ben, you get out of there and come home." Leia insisted.

"I will," Anya lied, honestly her plan was to fight for Ben. She would fight for Ben until the end. She would die before she gave up hope for him. "I have to go," She said giving Leia another hug before she crawled into the escape pod took off.

The minute Anya left the transport ship the feeling of aloneness, hit her. The fear that she could be killed at any moment. The fear that Ben would be too far gone and he would kill her.

"Ben please remember me. Please still be you." She thought as the escape pod flew closer to the Finalizer.

Suddenly she felt a wave of grief rush over her. It was so strong she let out a scream of anguish as she slammed her hand onto the window of the escape pod.

She watched it happen just as Ben had, the bridge with General Leia, a woman who the two shared as a mother figure, was blown away.

"No," Anya sobbed collapsing to her knees tears in her eyes as the escape pod passed through the shield of the finalizer.

"Stop, get yourself in control, you have to get onto that ship," Anya told herself as the escape pod crashed into the loading dock sending Anya flying forward.

Using the force she caught herself steading herself.

She took a deep breath before she pushed the door and found herself face to face with an army of stormtroopers.

She brought her hands up in surrender when suddenly she felt someone grab her hair, which she had pulled back into a long ponytail and yank her out of the pod and then pushed her down to her knees.

"Rebel scum!" She heard someone yell as she felt a blaster be placed against the back of her head.

"I request to speak to Captain Phasma." Anya screamed causing everyone to freeze. "I have information about the resistance."

"What does this scum want!" A loud booming voice rang out. The stormtroopers parted as one stormtrooper whose suit was silver came marching down the aisle.

"I have informat…" Anya started when Phasma quickly slapped her across the face.

"Why should I believe that you aren't some spy sent to destroy the Finalizer," Phasma said.

"Take me to Kylo Ren's room." Anya said seriously as she stared at Phasma.

"What did you just say," Phasma said raising a hand to strike Anya again.

"Take me to Kylo Ren's room." Anya said more forcefully.

"That's it," Phasma said roughly grabbing Anya's arm pulling her to her feet. "I'm taking her to General Hux."

"What, no!" Anya screamed the plan falling apart around her.

Phasma began to drag Anya away.

"No, no I have information, valuable information." Anya continued as Phasma dragged her out of the room.

"Hux will deal with you, you rebel scum." Phasma snapped.

"Take me to Kylo Ren's room!" Anya screamed and Phasma froze.

"I'll take you to Master Ren's room," Phasma said monotony as she loosened her grip.

Anya smiled as she gladly strode next to Phasma as they walked down the hall. Suddenly Phasma stopped next to a room. She quickly input a keycode and the door slide open.

"I have taken you to Kylo Ren's room." She said.

"Good, now you will say that General Hux took care of me, and then you will forget me." Anya said stepping into the room.

"I will tell everyone that General Hux took care of you and then forget about you."

"Alright see ya later, chrome dome." Anya laughed as she shut the door.

She then gave herself a moment to breathe. She had done it, however, the hard part was still to come.

Slowly she began to look around. There wasn't much in the room. Just a bed, a table, and some chairs. But it was what was on the table that interested Anya.

"He kept it." She said noticing Ben's old lightsaber from when they both trained with Luke. AS she walked towards the table that's when she saw the drawings on the table which caused her to gasp.

Spread on the table were different drawings of Anya and her name was carved into the table.

"Oh, Ben." Anya gasped tears in her eyes.

Slowly she walked towards the giant window The first thing she noticed was that the resistance flat was gone, they had made it. She could also see the remains of the dreadnought debris floating so she prayed her brother had made it back alright.

"What?" She heard someone say and she turned around to see Ben standing in the doorway holding his old saber.

When she turned around Ben's eyes went wide as he dropped the lightsaber.

"Hi Ben," Anya said smiling.

"What… how…" Ben stuttered confused. "Is this another vision from my father."

"No, Ben I'm here, I'm…" Anya started taking a step forward.

Ben quickly threw out his hand to get his lightsaber, but Anya quickly did the same and the saber threw to her.

"Get the fuck out of my head," Ben screamed as he reached down and grabbed the old lightsaber turning it on charging at Anya.

"Ben don't!" Anya cried as she turned on her lightsaber just in time for the two lightsabers to clash sending sparks flying. Anya stared at Ben the blue from his saber reflecting into his eyes. "Ben please it's me."

"Stop calling me Ben!" He screamed pushing forward causing Anya to kick him backward."Ben Solo is dead?" Ben screamed as he lunged at Anya again but this time she dodged out of the way falling onto the bed.

"Please, it's okay. It's me, it's Anya, I'm alive." She begged as he lunged at her again getting on top of her the two sabers clashing again, Ben's saber slicing her arms again slightly. Anya screamed out in pain.

Ben's face quickly softened as he turned off his lightsaber throwing it. He then ripped the other lightsaber out of Anya's hands and throwing it as well.

Ben then grabbed Anya by the shoulder ripping her up.

"How are you here!" Ben screamed shaking Anya.

"I'm alive Ben," Anya cried.

"No stop saying that!" Ben screamed tears in his eyes. "I killed you, 6 years ago I killed you!"

"Ben I'm right here, I'm alive you didn't kill me." Anya said trying to get through to ben. "Open your mind, let me in."

Ben stared at Anya for a moment and then he nodded.

Slowly both of them closed their eyes and Anya thought of a memory from when they were both were training with Luke.

They had been training just the two of them, running along in the sands near the temple.

"Ben, wait up!" Anya called laughing trying to keep up with him.

"Come on Anya you're too slow!" Ben laughed running even faster.

Anya had been training with Ben and Luke for two years. Ben and Anya quickly became each other's best friends.

Anya quickly bent over trying to catch her breath when suddenly she got an idea.

"Ben!" She yelled with fake panic.

"Come on Anya" Ben laughed as he came back towards her.

"Ben I…" Anya gasped as she fell to the ground.

"Anya!" Ben screamed in terror as he sprinted to her sliding on his knees as he picked her up into his arms. "Anya wake up." He pleaded.

Anya quickly began to laugh causing Ben to drop her with a relieved sigh.

"Oh, you should have seen the look on your face." Anya laughed.

"Don't scare me like that," Ben said as he pinned Anya's hands above her head straddling her.

Anya smiled as she wrapped her legs around his waist and flipped them over so she was on top.

"Nice try Solo…" She started when suddenly Ben leaned up his lips crashing onto Anya's

Anya was taken aback for a moment before she intertwined her fingers in his curls deepening the kiss. This lasted for a while before they both broke apart eyes wide.

"We should…" Anya started straightening herself out. "Master Luke he…"

"Yes," Ben said as he quickly took off running again. Anya followed this time purposely staying behind Ben. Both couldn't contain their smiles.

Back on the Finalizer, Ben stumbled backward starting at Anya.

"Anya?" He asked as he took off his gloves and slowly brought his hand up and placed it on her cheek. The minute his skin made contact with hers he knew it wasn't a dream and he pulled her into his arms enveloping her in a bone-crushing hug. "Anya!" Ben exclaimed his voice cracking as his knees gave way and they both collapsed to the floor. "I thought I'd lost you, I thought I had killed…" Ben started his tears falling into her curly brown hair.

"Hey," Anya said pulling away, placing her hand on his cheek. "I'm ok, I'm right here."

They both stared at each other for a moment before Ben spoke.

"You look different, your hair is longer." He said smiling however his smile faded when he noticed the side of her face was bruised. "Who did this to you." He growled angrily.

"Captain Phasma wasn't too happy with me making demands." Anya laughed trying to get Ben to calm down but she could see the anger fuming in his eyes.

"I'll kill her," He snapped trying to get up but Anya quickly wrapped her arms around his neck as she straddled his waist.

"Hey, it doesn't matter now." She soothed staring into his brown eyes which softened.

"I've missed you," Ben sighed as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"Ben," Anya sighed as she leaned closer into him.

Ben quickly leaned forward placing his lips on her.

Anya deepened the kiss intertwining her fingers in his hair. The scene playing out exactly as it had so many years earlier.

Ben quickly placed one hand on the back of her head and wrapped his arm around her waist standing up her legs locked around his waist.

Suddenly they both felt an energy heading towards them and their heads snapped to look at the door.

"Hux," Ben growled as he let Anya back down onto the ground. "You need to hide." Quickly he began to scan the room for a place for Anya to hide. His eyes landed on the closet. Ben grabbed Anya's hand as they walked towards it. "I'm sorry about this." Ben sighed.

Anya walked into the closet moving the clothes so she had a spot.

Before closing the door, Ben leaned in and kissed Anya again.

"Please don't disappear." He begged shutting the door.

Just as Ben turned around Hux burst into the room.

"What do you want!" Ben snapped.

"We have a major issue. There is a resistance spy running around the ship."

Ben's thoughts instantly went to Anya.

"Shit!" He heard her think.

"What do you mean?"

"There is a resistance escape pod in the loading dock. The men say Captain Phasma said that I took care of the girl, but Phasma says she has no recollection of it." Hux sighed annoyed.

"Are you certain you didn't misplace the girl." Ben sneered and he could hear Anya snicker in her head.

"Good one." She laughed causing him to crack a smile.

"Very funny, just keep your guard up." Hux snapped fighting the urge to pull out his blaster.

"Will do," Ben said and Hux nodded turning to leave.

"One more thing, the med bay says they are ready to stitch up your face whenever you have the time," Hux said almost laughing then he turned back towards the door. He stopped however when he saw the drawing on the table. "Who's this," He smiled picking up the picture causing Ben to grit his teeth. "Friend of yours?" Hux began to look at the drawing more intensely. "She's very beautiful." Hux sneered causing Ben to clench his hand into a fist. "I would get rid of these if I were you. You wouldn't want Snoke finding out about them." Then Hux crumbled the paper stuffing it into his pocket as he left.

"Is it safe to come out?" Anya asked in her head.

"Yes," Ben sighed sitting on the edge of the bed.

Anya quickly emerged from the closet. "God he's awful, how do you not just punch him everytime he talks."

"It's hard…" Ben said as he looked at the floor.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Anya asked kneeling in front of him.

"What were you thinking," Ben growled.

"What?" Anya asked taken aback.

"You flew in a resistance escape pod! What if they would have killed you as soon as you got on board!" Ben screamed.

"Well, they didn't so…"

"And then you just hoped that you could Jedi mind trick your way into my room and expect that everyone would just forget about seeing you!"

"I'm not planning on being on the ship for very long!" Anya snapped back.

Ben sighed as he stood up walking towards the window.

"Anya why are you here?"

Anya felt like she had just been hit.

"Ben, I came to bring you back."

"Back to where the resistance. There is nothing left for me there. My mother is dead, and I killed my father. You think the resistance will just let me join them again after everything I have done. Your brother will be the first one lining up to kill me."

"Ben," Anya gasped.

"Do you not understand what I have done! I've killed people Anya. Lots of people, people who had families, husbands, wives, children. And I didn't care! I killed my own father for fuck sake!"

"Ben I came to save you!" Anya cried tears in her eyes.

"I can't be saved!" Ben screamed as he held out his hand causing Anya to fly towards him his hand wrapping around her throat. "I don't want to be saved! I'm not a good person! Why can't you understand that!" He screamed as he tightened his grip on her throat.

"Ben," She tried to gasp.

"Snoke isn't going to let me just leave, I can't leave," Ben said his anger subsiding.

Anya quickly threw her hand out sending Ben flying backward allowing her to fall to the floor gasping for air.

Ben looked up angry, but when he saw Anya all the anger subsided and the guilt hit him. He thought of the vision he had seen of him grandfather and grandmother when Anakin believed his beloved Padme had betrayed him. "Anya!" He gasped running towards her.

Anya winced as he reached out to her. She looked up at him with fear in her eyes.

Up until that moment that look of fear had fueled Kylo Ren, but as Ben saw it in the eyes of the women he loved, he knew he had to be better.


	7. Don't Let Me Go

**Song for this chapter: Don't Let Me Go by RAIGN**

sorry it's a short chapter

* * *

Ben and Anya sat on the edge of the bed. Ben could see the bruises on her neck from his hands forming. He hated himself more than he ever had.

"Anya" Ben started but Anya just turned to look away. Ben sighed as a tear fell down his face. Quickly he wiped it away. "We need to figure out how to get you out of here and back to the Resistance."

"I'm not going anywhere." Anya sighed.

"What?" Ben said looking at Anya.

"Ben, I came here to bring you back, I made a promise to myself and your mother that I wouldn't leave this ship without you with me."

"Anya I can't leave." Ben sighed.

"So we wait, we wait and we take Snoke down together, and then we leave together."

"You can't stay on this ship it's not safe." Ben insisted.

"And I can't leave because it's too dangerous." Anya said firmly turning to look towards Ben again. "So we are at an impasse."

"You aren't staying." Ben snapped.

"What are you going to do, choke me again." Anya snapped.

Ben felt like he had been slapped but he knew he deserved it.

"You need to go to the med bay to get sewn up. I'm going to take a shower."

"I'll get someone to get you clothes," Ben said.

"Alright," Anya snapped as she turned away walking toward the bathroom. Suddenly she turned back around. "Ben, I have been in love with you since we were 19. We are connected we always have been. So I'm not giving up on you. But you can't let Kylo Ren get in the way. I came here to bring Ben Solo back. And I'm not leaving until I do so." She said then she went into the bathroom and then slammed the door.

Ben sighed as he ran his hands through his hair.

Groaning he stood up and grabbed his gloves as he headed towards the med bay.

He couldn't stop thinking about how royally he had fucked up.

"Be better." He kept saying in his head. "Be better for her."

"Master Ren." The med droid said breaking Ben's concentration. "Are you alright sir, you look flushed."

"I'm fine," He snapped. "Let's just get this over with."

He sat down as the med droid began to stitch up the cut on his face. He couldn't stop thinking about the look in Anya's eyes. The fear, the anger but also the unconditional love."

"I have been in love with you since we were 19." He could hear her say which caused him to smile.

Suddenly he turned and found Rey sitting across from him. His eyes went wide as she looked at him.

Quickly she brought out her blaster pointing at Ben and firing.

Ben felt the beam go straight through his abdomen causing him to flinch but when he looked down he found no wound. Looking back up he found that Rey was gone as well. Quickly Ben stood up looking around the room.

"What the fuck." He thought before quickly sliding out into the hallway. He looked down the corridor and found nothing but stormtroopers busying themselves as not to catch his attention. However when he turned to look the other way he found Rey looking back at him once more.

Instantly he brought his hand up focusing all of his energy on her.

"You will bring Luke Skywalker to me." He snapped but he had no effect on her. He rolled his eyes realizing his stupidity as he dropped his hand. "You're not doing this the effort would kill you." He looked at her again trying to rationalize how he was seeing her standing in the Finalizer. "Can you see my surroundings?" He questioned.

"You're going to pay for what you did." She snapped.

"I can't see yours?" Ben said trying to ignore the sting that came with what Rey had said. "Just you," He insisted my sense of anger gone from his voice. Rey's presence had almost a calming effect on him. "No, this is something else." He said his mind running a hundred miles a minute. But his thoughts had drifted away from Rey instead he was thinking about Anya thinking about the times he had seen Anya and thought it was a dream, had it been?"

Suddenly Rey turned to look over her shoulder and Ben could feel a presence join them, though he could not see who it was. However, he instantly could recognize the energy.

"Luke," He said the anger returning. And just like that Rey was gone leaving Ben standing alone in the corridor once more.

Taking a deep breath he quickly put up the shield in his head knowing Snoke would have felt the disturbance.

Suddenly a stormtrooper walked by trying to get by as quickly as possible without Kylo noticing.

Ben quickly grabbed him by the arm.

"I need some women's clothes brought to my room as soon as possible. And don't let anyone know you are doing this." Ben said.

"I won't let anyone know." The stormtrooper repented back monotone.

"Good, thank you," Ben said and the stormtrooper looked at Kylo Ren shocked. "Shit," Ben thought as he quickly pretended to be angry throwing the trooper into the wall. "I said as soon as possible now go!" He screamed as he stormed off back towards his room.

"You will pay for what you did." He could hear Rey's voice in his head scream at him.

Little did she know that he was paying for it. Every moment he relieved the night on the bridge in his head.

Before he even realized he was standing outside of his door.

He reached out to put the numbers for the keypad. But he hesitated. He knew what awaited him in that room. Anya loved him and was going to fight for him something he had wanted ever since Snoke had first started to get into his head. She believed that he could still be a good person. But he also knew that when he saw her he would see the bruises he caused he would be reminded of the fact that he couldn't be saved. HIstory was repeating itself, he was turning into his grandfather.

"No one is beyond saving." He heard his father say. But at this point, he didn't think there was anyone that could save him.

Quickly he punched in the numbers and the door opened to reveal Anya standing in a towel arms crossed over her chest.

"Anya" He gasped as he quickly shut the door.

"How long have you been able to see and talk with Rey." Anya said smiling.

"I uh… how did you…" Ben stammered.

Anya laughed as dried her hair with another towel. "Ben don't get so freaked out. We're connected remember. I can see things you see, so imagine how shocked I was when I'm standing in the shower and suddenly I'm in the halls of the Finalizer.

"I didn't, I didn't see you," Ben said leaning against the doorway.

"I'm not surprised, you haven't seen me a lot of the times when I was with you."

"In the medbay, that was actually you, and I... " Ben said remembering how their encounter that day had ended.

"And in the elevator, and in the forest." She said fixing her towel.

Suddenly there was a banging on the door.

"Get back in the bathroom." Ben snapped quietly.

Anya quickly disappeared back into the bathroom as Ben opened the door.

There stood the stormtrooper clothes in hand.

"You will forget this ever happened." Ben snapped.

"I will forget, this ever happened."

"Good now I will be eating in my room tonight so instruct someone to bring me my dinner." Ben snapped shutting the door once more carrying the clothes quickly setting them on the bed. "You can come out."

Anya strode out once more this time she was wearing Ben's black bathrobe.

Ben gulped when he saw her looking her up at down. He had never seen her look more beautiful her brown curls cascading down her back.

"Why Benjamin Solo are you gawking." Anya teased.

Ben quickly locked eyes with her, her smile melted his heart.

"What do you mean you were in the forest with me, what forest?" Ben asked.

Anya sighed sadly as she grabbed the clothes off the bed.

"Can you turn around." She asked.

"What?" Ben questioned.

"I need to change." She said quickly.

"Oh, yes," Ben said quickly turning around.

"That night, the night you killed…" Anya started her voice cracking. "After your fight with Rey, I was there, with you." She said as she pulled on the black turtleneck.

"The presence I felt, it was you?" Ben gasped almost turning around but he quickly stopped. He remembered feeling someone with him someone who was calming him.

"I knew you knew I was there, you just weren't ready to see me yet." She sighed pulling on the black leggings. "Alright you can turn around she said as she pulled her hair up wrapping it into a bun.

As he turned around Ben looked at her and a twinge of sadness ran over him. Dressed like that Anya looked like she could easily be a part of the First Order and he hated it. He hated the fact that she could even be associated with the people he had come to hate.

"Anya, why are you here now, why are we connected again now, it's been 6 years."

"Ben that night at the temple," Anya started causing Ben to wince the memories of that night rushing at him. "The rocks didn't kill me, I was in a coma for the last 6 years. Until I saw you, Ben, I saw the conflict inside you, the hurt, but also the hope. That night you killed your father, I woke up and all I knew was that I had to save you." Anya said.

Ben collapsed to the ground staring at the floor feeling so ashamed unable to look at Anya. "I'm not worth saving Anya." He cried.

"Ben," She said kneeling in front of him. "Kylo Ren has killed hundreds of people including his own father. He has hurt and tortured countless others including my brother. Kylo Ren has betrayed every person he has ever loved in order to serve the Lord Commander Snoke, who created him. But throughout all of that Ben Solo has been there, trying, desperately trying to break free. But Snoke convinced you that Ben Solo was nothing that he shouldn't even exist, that you are nothing. But Ben you aren't nothing. You have always been and will always be my everything." She said pulling him in for a loving kiss.

Ben broke away looking at her with such love.

"I love you," Ben sighed as he placed his hand on her cheek.

"I know." Anya said smiling as Ben wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for another long kiss.


	8. Fools

**Song for this chapter: Fools by Troye Sivan**

* * *

Anya and Ben were on the floor Anya was on top of Ben his shirt was next to them along with his gloves. Anya kissed down his chest as one hand stayed intertwined with his. Suddenly there was a loud bang on the door again.

"Are you fucking kidding me," Ben growled causing Anya to giggle as she rolled off of him. "Head into…"

"The bathroom, I know, you know maybe I should just set up a little home in there." She laughed causing Ben to smile.

As Ben made his way to the door his smile fading. The doors opened and Ben was taken aback to find Hux standing there with a plate of food a smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?" Ben snapped. But he quickly began to think of Anya. "Find somewhere in the bathroom to hide." He thought.

"Ben it's a bathroom, there is no place to hide." She retorted. "If Hux comes looking we can both fight him, we have lightsabers he doesn't."

"Anya we can't kill the leader of the First Order, we will have an army of stormtroopers on us faster than we could even get out of this room."

"I saw a stormtrooper carrying this tray of food and when I questioned him about where he was going he told me he was taking it to your room. Which struck me as odd considering Snoke gave the instruction that we are supposed to eat in his corridors."

Ben rolled his eyes, the worst part of the day was when he had to go sit in awkward silence and eat his dinner with Snoke and Hux.

"I'm training, I wanted to have my dinner brought to my room that way I could train longer." Ben lied.

"Oh is that what you are doing, training." Hux snapped thrusting the tray of food at Ben.

Ben glared at Hux. "Yes, now if you could please excuse me."

"Now why are you trying to hurry me out of your room so quickly. Would it be because you are hiding something Ren."

Anya gulped as Hux made his way towards the bathroom.

"No, I'm trying to get you out of my room because I don't like you Hux, and you don't like me so if you wouldn't mind get the fuck out!" Ben snapped as he pushed his hand out causing Hux to go flying out of the room the door shutting quickly behind him.

Ben sighed and he was about to tell Anya to come out when he suddenly felt a presence.

"I'd rather not do this now." He heard Rey sigh annoyed.

"Yeah me too." Ben sighed.

"Why did you hate your father," Rey started as she turned causing Ben to turn to meet her gaze. "Do you have something, a towel or something you could put on." She said once she saw that Ben wasn't wearing a shirt.

Anya lost it she had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing out loud.

"Stop it," Ben thought trying not to smile.

"Why did you hate your father, give me an honest answer," Rey demanded and Anya could feel the grief rising in Ben once again. "You had a father who loved you, who gave a damn about you."

"I didn't hate him." Ben insisted.

"Then why."

"Why what," Ben demanded. "Why what, say it."

"Ben," Anya thought as she fought the urge to walk out of the bathroom and comfort him.

"Why did you…" Rey cried, her words hitching in her throat, as both Rey and Ben remembered that night. "Why did you kill him. I don't understand."

"No, you're parents threw you away like garbage," Ben said replacing the hurt with spite.

"They didn't!" Rey snapped.

"They did, but you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness," Ben replied remembering what Snoke had told him. "Looking for them everywhere, in Han Solo now in Skywalker. Did he tell you what happened that night." He said gritting his teeth.

"Yes," She insisted but Ben could almost hear what Luke had told her. A lie.

"Ben, what happened that night?" Anya thought.

"He could sense my power," Ben continued the rage building as he ignored Anya right now he could only think about convincing Rey to not trust Luke, he didn't want her to make the same mistakes he had. "As he senses yours and he feared it."

Rey hesitated for a moment before she spoke. "Liar," She said but Ben could see that she somewhat believed him.

"Ben," Anya started again but this time Ben blocked her from his mind as he took a step towards Rey. "Let the past die. Kill it if you have to." He growled. "That's the only way to become what you were meant to be," Ben said repeating exactly what Snoke had said that night at the temple.

When Anya heard this, she felt a wave of sadness rush over her. Kylo Ren was trying to take Rey under his care just as Snoke had to Ben. Kylo was during everything in his power to convince Rey that the only way she could survive in the world was with him and if she turned against everyone she cared about. The more she heard the more she felt like she was losing Ben.

Kylo and Rey stared at each other for a moment before Rey turned away and the connection was broken.

Anya slid to the floor unable to process. How could Ben go from one moment making out with her on his bedroom floor and telling her that he loved her, to turning into Kylo Ren, no worse than Kylo Ren turning into Snoke. Her heart literally hurt as she sat there, waiting for Ben to tell her to come out. She waited and waited in agonizing silence just wishing Ben would open his mind to her again letting her know how he was feeling, what he was thinking because at that moment she feared the worst.

"Let the past die, kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be." She was Ben's past, and according to Snoke, she was the only thing stopping him from becoming what he was meant to be, a new Vader.

She continued to wait. The longer the time went on the more tears began to form in her eyes until she began to sob. Placing her hand over her mouth to tried her hardest to hold in the fact that she wanted to scream. Slowly she pulled herself up opening the door. She expected to find Kylo Ren waiting for her lightsaber in hand, but what she found instead was so much worse. The room was empty. Kylo's shirt was gone off the floor and his lightsaber was also gone. On the bed lay a scrap of paper.

Quickly Anya walked over to it and picked it up.

"I need to clear my head." Was all the note said

Anya clenched her teeth fighting back another sob.

"He's going to get Snoke." She thought. "He's too far gone, I've lost him."

She had promised to stay on the ship until she left with Ben, she had promised Leia she would bring her son back. But maybe Ben was right. Everyone who cared about Ben apart from her was dead, everyone else at the resistance would kill him the minute he stepped foot on the ship. Maybe she wasn't the one who was supposed to save him, maybe her connection with him wasn't as strong as she thought.

"Rey," She choked back another sob. It had to be Rey, Ben could see her, from the first time he could see her and she could talk with him and he listened. There was no anger from Ben when it came to Rey. He wasn't reaching for a lightsaber the minute he saw her. Unlike the way, he reacted with Anya. Rey is meant to bring Ben Solo back, Rey was meant to be the one to save the day.

"I'm just a plot point in someone else's story." Anya thought sobbing again.

Anya let herself cry for another moment before she wiped her tears and crumbled the piece of paper.

She needed to get off the ship.

Quickly she reached down and grabbed Ben's old lightsaber. She hoped she wouldn't have to use it, however, she wasn't going to risk not having it.

She looked around the room she had only been there for a few hours, but the moments she had spent with Ben would stay with her for a lifetime. As she walked to the door she hesitated for a moment, thinking maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe she should just wait and see what would happen when Ben came back. Then, however, she thought of how Ben looked at Rey, the longing look that she thought he only had for her, she saw in Ben's eyes when he looked at Rey.

Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes, straightened out her outfit and walked out of the room, pretending that she belonged on the ship.

As she walked down the corridor, trying to remember how to get back to the loading dock, she past stormtroopers who she feared would remember her, but none of them did. However, as the twists and turns became more endless, Anya knew that she had gotten lost.

"Can I help you find something?" She heard a metallic voice say behind her and her hand instantly flew to the saber she had clipped to her side. "Ma'am?" The voice questioned again.

Anya gulped as she turned around to find the shining silver suit staring back at her. She prayed that Phasma wouldn't remember.

"You," Phasma growled.

"Shit," Anya thought as she quickly turned around and started running back down the hall.


	9. I Found

**Song for this chapter: I Found by Amber Run**

* * *

"Stop!" Phasma screamed as she took off after Anya who was trying to find her way back to Ben's room. "Grab her!" Phasma yelled at the stormtroopers standing in front of Anya. Anya tried to turn the corner when she suddenly felt the two stormtroopers grab her arms and yank her backward causing her to scream in pain.

"No!," She cried as they began to drag her towards Phasma. "Stop! Let me go!" She cried trying her best to focus all of her energy onto the stormtroopers. She almost had done it when suddenly Phasma punched her in the face sending her the ground.

"I'll take care of her," Phasma said as she grabbed Anya by the hair and dragged her into a room.

"Get the fuck off of me." Anya screamed as Phasma threw her across the room causing her head to slam her into a chair that was covered in straps.

"Who are you?" Phasma said as she lit her staff causing sparks to run through it.

Anya groaned as she grabbed the lightsaber turning it on.

"Where did you get that." Phasma snapped as she inched her way towards Anya.

Standing up Anya gripped the saber tighter. She could feel the blood running down the side of her head and rage built up inside of her.

"Answer me you resistance scum," Phasma screamed again charging at Anya.

Anya took a deep breath as she skillfully sliced Phasma's staff in half.

Phasma was taken aback as she looked at Anya shocked. A smile spread across Anya face as she turned off her lightsaber and hit Phasma in the face with the hilt of the saber causing her to stumble backward.

"The resistance will not be intimidated by you." Anya said smiling as she could see the cracks in Phasma helmet that she had caused.

"Bitch!" Phasma screamed as she charged at Anya again.

Anya quickly darted out of the way dodging out of the way sending Phasma flying backward with the force. Phasma smacked into the wall crumbling to the floor.

"I hate the fucking Force," she grumbled under her breath as she stood up charging at Anya again.

Anya held her hand up once more causing Phasma to freeze in place.

Anya laughed as she took a step closer to Phasma. "I fucking love the Force." She smiled as she was about to walk out the door when suddenly a voice rang out in her head.

"I should have felt trapped or panicked," She heard Rey say.

Suddenly Phasma punched Anya again sending her to the floor.

Quickly Anya reached for the lightsaber but Phasma hit her again. Ripping the lightsaber away from her Phasma turned it on.

"The resistance will die," Phasma said as she lunged at Anya.

Anya brought her hand out just in time as the lightsaber sliced her arm.

She threw Phasma backward again as she got up. The lightsaber landing behind Phasma. By now Phasma's mask was completely cracked. Quickly she took it off to reveal the blonde haired woman under the suit.

"At the end, it would show me what I wanted to see." Rey's voice rang out again distracting Anya.

By the time Anya had gotten her focus back, Phasma had already charged at her and shoved her back into wall her head cracking against the metal. Anya didn't even have time to cry out in pain as Phasma wrapped her metal hands around her neck strangling her.

Rage had taken over Phasma and she wasn't thinking straight, she knew that she shouldn't kill the girl that she should take her to Hux, that anyone with the force needed to be brought before Supreme Leader Snoke. But she was just so angry that this girl had made her look like a fool.

Anya felt Phasma's grip tighten and as her conscious started to she was afraid that Phasma was going to break her neck. Quickly she threw her hand out and send Phasma stumbling backward instead of flying due to her lack of energy but it still caused Phasma to drop her.

She lay on the floor gasping for air as Phasma came up and kicked her in the stomach. Anya tried to reach up with her hand but Phasma quickly grabbed her wrist snapping it causing Anya to cry out in pain.

At that point, Phasma knew she had the upper hand on Anya and she just began to wail on her punching her and kicking her causing her to fly across the room.

"You're not alone," Anya heard in her head, but this time it wasn't Rey's voice she heard it was Ben.

"Ben!" She cried out in her head as she began to scream as Phasma bruised and beat her.

Elsewhere on the Finalizer, Ben Solo sat talking to Rey, he couldn't explain why he was so fascinated by her, he just was. There was some force connecting them and he needed to figure out why. But also he felt the sense of fear and aloneness within her that he had felt all his life.

"I'd never felt so alone," Rey cried as she sat looking at Ben. She too couldn't explain why she felt so connected to Ben.

"You're not alone," Ben said and he could feel himself getting emotional, there was a part of him that saw himself in the young girl, and he needed to make sure she didn't make the same mistakes he had.

"Neither are you," Rey said. "It isn't too late," She insisted and then she did something that caused tears to form in Ben's eyes, she reached his hand out to him. A gesture of trust and compassion, he had done terrible things, had hurt countless people including Rey, but she still was willing to give him a second chance.

Quickly Ben took off his gloves, needing to have the skin contact, knowing what it could reveal. As he reached out his hand he could hear Anya calling for her, but he pushed her to the back of his mind. As their hands touched, Ben was flooded with visions of him standing beside Rey and fighting beside her. However, these visions terrified him because he didn't see Anya in any of them.

"Stop!" He heard a voice scream and suddenly both he and Rey turned to see Luke Skywalker, his old teacher, standing before them looking horrified. Then everything disappeared and Ben was left alone once more. Quickly he wiped his eyes, getting rid of the tears. Just as he stood up to leave a wave of pain hits him so hard that he collapses to the floor.

"Ben!" He hears Anya scream in pain. Quickly he takes off running desperate to find her.

"Anya, where are you," He thought but Anya wasn't forming coherent thoughts, it was just pain. Suddenly Ben felt a rush of pain hit him in the ribs as he heard Anya scream out in pain again. She was being beaten and his panic began to set in as he ran through hall after hall unsure of how to find her.

"Ben!" She screamed again but Ben quickly skidded to a stop, he knew the only way he was going to find her on the fucking big ass Finalizer is if he connected them. Closing his eyes he focused all of his energy on her. It was painful, one of the most painful experiences he had ever had, he could feel his energy draining but at that moment he didn't care.

When he opened his eyes he found himself in one of the interrogation rooms near his room. He could see the back of Captain Phasma as she leaned forward grabbing something and throwing it backward. As the body slid across the floor Ben saw who he was.

"Anya" He gasped and Anya looked up at him, her face was bloody and bruised, one eye was already swollen and she had a busted lip that was bleeding.

Ben felt his heart breaking as he looked at her.

"Ben," She pleaded.

Then the connection was severed as Ben lost the energy to hold it. Falling to the ground, Ben didn't even take a second to regain his energy before he was on his feet and running to Anya

When he reached the door it slid open to reveal Phasma holding his lightsaber over Anya ready to stab her.

"No!" Ben screamed as he threw Phasma so far backward that when she hit her head on the wall it knocked her out.

"Ben," Anya said as she looked up at him her tears stung her wounds.

"Anya, I'm so sorry." He cried as he tried to pick her up.

She cried out in pain causing Ben to recoil as he tried to figure out how to help her.

"My wrist, I think… I think it's broken." Anya cried.

"Ok, I uh…" Ben said as he picked her avoiding her wrist.

The two didn't say a word as Ben stormed down the hall throwing stormtroopers out of his way as he went.

He barely waited for the door to slide open before he walked in carefully laying her on the bed.

"Ben," She finally said but he was off to the bathroom grabbing a washcloth before heading back out to Anya who was laying on the bed barely conscious. "Ben," She said again.

"I'm so sorry," Ben said as he started to lay washcloth on her bruise when she flinched away.

"Ben!" She screamed causing him to stop.

"What," Ben said.

"The stormtroopers, Phasma, they have all seen me and they have seen you carrying me to your room." Anya said.

"That… that doesn't matter."

"Yes, Ben it does, it does matter, because they are going to tell Hux or worse Snoke and then you are dead."

Ben didn't even hear what she was saying he just was looking at her. Her eye was swollen, her head was bleeding, her lip was busted open, and her wrist was broken.

"Ben, you have to go find them and make them forget."

"Anya what happened," Ben said quietly.

Anya looked away from Ben unable to look at him.

"Anya," Ben said leaning towards her again.

"Don't!" She snapped. "Where were you."

"What?" Ben asked hurt.

"Where were you! I needed you!" She screamed.

"I… Rey…" Ben started horrified at the fact that she blamed him for what happened.

"Rey," She laughed slightly before her laughs turned to sobs.

"Anya"

"I was trying to get off the ship Ben," Anya snapped wincing as the pain hit her. Ben looked at her tears in his eyes. Slowly he backed away from the bed. "That's how I got caught, I was trying to leave."

Ben felt a soul-crushing sadness hit him, one he hadn't felt since he thought he had killed Anya. She was trying to leave him, just like everyone always had his entire life.

"You were trying to leave me, why." He said looking out the window.

Anya choked on her sobs as she ran her good hand through her hair wincing as she hit the cuts.

"I thought you were too far gone, what you said to Rey, I thought Snoke had turned you too far."

"What I said to Rey…" Ben said turning back to her.

"Let the past die, kill it if you have to. It's the only way to become what you are meant to be!" Anya screamed. "That's what Snoke told you, that's what he told you when he wanted you to kill me. How could you say that to her!"

"I needed to convince her to not trust Luke he…"

"Ben I am your past, I am what is stopping you from becoming what you are meant to be according to Snoke."

"I would never hurt you again I made a promise to myself…"

"I thought you were getting Snoke to kill me, that's why I left." She said silencing Ben.

"You thought I would kill you," Ben said his voice cracking. "You actually believed I would kill you. Why after everything that I had said to you, I said I loved you!" Ben screamed angry now. "We have a connection."

"Yeah well you and Rey have a connection and it's stronger." Anya uttered trying to sit up but screaming when she used her broken wrist.

Ben quickly ran to her side helping her.

"How could you say that."

"Well for one you didn't try to cut her in half when you saw her in your room." Anya said but immediately regretted it."I didn't mean that" She said noticing how hurt Ben was by what she had said. "But you are never angry with her, never and with me…"

Ben collapsed to his knees next to her bed grabbing her good hand with both of his. "The reason that I was angry at seeing you was because I was angry at myself. Every time I saw you I was reminded of the fact that you were dead, and that I had killed you. Anya you said that you have been in love with me since we were 19. I fell in love with you the minute I saw you. With all the voices in my head telling me who I was supposed to be and what my life was going to become when I was with you, you saw me for who I was, a scared child just trying to make it in the world. You were what I focused on because I wanted you to be my future. I was going to stay with Luke if only to keep Snoke out of my head, but if you wanted me the same way I wanted you, I was going to leave the Jedi Order and marry you." Anya gasped tears streaming down her face. "When you died," Ben sobbed. "When I thought I killed you, my entire world fell apart, I didn't know how to live, how to function without you by my side. I still don't. That's why I have made so many horrible decisions, that's why I let Snoke train me and teach me the ways of the Sith. You believed in me more than anyone else, and when you died. I was lost. And every time I saw you or heard your face, I was flooded with grief and pain so much that I didn't think I could function, the rage fueled me and made it so I could actually get through the day and not run myself through with my own lightsaber, which I was tempted to do on multiple occasions. I love you Anya with all my heart, for you, I would fight an entire galaxy, I would kill Snoke and Hux in an instant, I would slaughter anyone who would even think of harming you. But that's not the man you want me to be, that's not the man you are or were in love with. So for you, I will be better, I have to be better. Because I can't lose you not again. I love you." He sobbed as he leaned his head onto her hand.

Any anger or doubt Anya had washed away as she watched the broken man before her sobbing. He really did love her. She felt so guilty for doubting him but at the same time the fact that he had confessed his love for her meant that he wasn't gone, in fact, he was the opposite of being lost, he was closer to the Light then he had ever been.

"Benjamin Solo of Chandrila, I love you with all my heart." She said causing Ben to look up with a smile on his face.

"Anyaest Dameron of Yavin 4 I love you to the galaxy and back." He said as he leaned up and kissed her forehead gently. "You need to rest," He said getting up and wiping his face. "Are you hungry," He had completely forgotten about the food that he had brought in for her.

"Not really," She said as she shifted uncomfortably.

"Here," Ben said as he helped her lay down. "You rest and I'll be back."

"Where are you…" Anya started concerned.

"I've got to make some people forget some things." He smiled.

It only took him a moment to hunt down Phasma and the guards who had seen him and make them forget. He fought so hard not to kill Phasma on the spot for what she had done to his girl. But he knew that Kylo would kill her Ben would spare her. He did, however, punch her in the face before he left.

Going back to his room, he found Anya asleep. A weak smile spread across his face as he watched her for a moment, however it faded as his eyes landed on all the bruises, he shuddered at the thought of how many there were under her clothes. He made himself a promise that he wouldn't again let her out of his sights, and that no one would ever lay a hand on her again.

He quickly took off his cape and gloves draping them over the desk chair, he set his saber on the floor as he made his way over to the bed crawling in. Ben lay down next to Anya focusing all of his energy on her wrists, trying to heal it the best he could. Anya moved slowly to snuggle into Ben's chest causing him to smile as he wrapped his arms around her and the two fell asleep.


	10. Helium

**Song for this chapter: Helium by Sia**

* * *

"Ben!"

Ben woke up with a start looking around he found he wasn't in his room anymore instead he was in Snoke's throne room.

"Ben!" He heard his name called again.

He turned to see Snoke sitting on his throne and Anya floating above the ground writhing in pain.

"Ben, Ben," Snoke sneered. "She calls you Ben and you allow it. How many times do I have to tell you Ben Solo is dead, you killed him the minute you killed your father."

His gaze went to Anya again causing her to scream out in pain again.

"Stop!" Ben screamed angrily.

Suddenly Anya came crashing to the floor with a sickening crack.

Ben ran to her side but suddenly came to a halting stop before he could reach her.

"I said Ben Solo is dead!" Snoke screamed as Ben went flying backward into the wall pinning him there.

"Ben!" Anya cried, as the elevator door opened and what strode in shocked Ben. Walking into the was Kylo Ren.

"What," Ben gasped as he watched as the masked figure strode over to Anya grabbed her by her hair yanking her upwards so she was kneeling before him.

"That's it Kylo, kill her." Snoke laughed as Kylo Ren reached up and took off his mask and there underneath was Ben Solo. With a smile on his face, he turned to look at Ben cocking his head to the side as the two made eye contact. They were the same person except in the eyes, the eyes that were looking back at him were cold and dark, no light in them at all.

"Ben," Anya cried looking between the Ben before her and the one pinned to the wall.

Without breaking eye contact, Kylo Ren pulled out his lightsaber and ran Anya through.

"No!" Ben screamed as he bolted upright in bed. Looking around the room he found himself back in his bedroom.

"Ben," He heard a voice sleepy voice say and he turned to see Anya looking back at him concerned.

"It was just a nightmare, I'm sorry I woke you." He sighed running his hands through his hair.

"Hey," Anya said sitting up and wrapping her arms around his chest leaning her head on his back. "What was the nightmare about."

"I don't need to bother you with it." He sighed. "Let's go back to sleep." Ben then started to lay down but Anya quickly grabbed him turning him so he was looking at her.

"Ben, you are trembling, please tell me what happened, let me ease your mind." She said as she leaned her forehead on his.

"I killed you in my dream, well not me but Kylo Ren killed you, and I had to watch. And he just stared at me when he did it. He was almost mocking me as he ran you through with his saber." Ben said as he placed his hand on her cheek.

"Ben, it's alright, you aren't going to hurt me." She said.

"That wasn't what scared me, it was the fact that Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are two separate people and they are both still a part of me and at any moment Kylo might take over."

"I'm not going to let that happen," Anya insisted.

"And what happens if I get angry, what happens if I hurt you again. I still haven't forgiven myself for hurting you the last time."

"Then train me," She said abruptly.

"What."

"Train me in the ways of the Force, the way we used to train with Luke, train me in the ways of the Jedi and the Sith…"

"No, I…" Ben started when Anya put her hand over his mouth.

"Only so I can keep up with you. Let me learn like you learned, that way if you ever try to hurt me, and I'm not saying you're going to, I know you won't. But if it will put your mind at ease, train me so that way I can defend myself. And then one day we can take out Snoke and the whole fucking First Order together."

"I can train you in the ways of the Force but I can't teach you in the ways of the Sith, I won't…"

"Ben, the only way I'm going to be able to keep up with anyone we need to defeat is if I can beat them at their own game."

"What if you, what if I lose you to the dark, you don't know how strong its hold is," Ben said seriously.

Anya giggled slightly as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Ben you are not going to lose me to the dark side," She said as she kissed him.

Ben groaned. "I don't know Anya"

"Well, I've already made up my mind so…" She said kissing him again.

"Anya" Ben sighed again.

"Nope," She said as she laid down. "Goodnight," She giggled.

"Oh, now you want to go to sleep." Ben laughed as he got on top of her kissing her.

Anya put her hand over his mouth again.

"Say you will train me."

Ben mumbled under her hand.

"Ben," She said seriously.

Ben moved his head so he could talk.

"Fine fine, but if things go too far, we are done. I make the final say." He insisted.

A smile spread across Anya's face as she almost squealed. "Really."

"But we have to wait until your wrist is better."

"My wrist is fine, you healed it when I asleep. We have to start tomorrow, please I want to start tomorrow."

"Ok fine, fine but I do have other things to do, Hux isn't exactly going to allow me to hang out in my room all day."

Anya grumbled. "I know."

"But the minute I come back to this room, I am all yours," Ben said smiling as he rolled off of Anya. "And if we are going to train you need to sleep."

Anya smiled as she snuggled herself into Ben's chest his strong arms wrapping around her as they fell asleep once more.

When Anya woke up she found that she was alone in the bed. "Ben?" She called afraid he had left without saying goodbye.

Suddenly Ben strode out of the bathroom wearing just his pants and his compression band around his waist.

"Are you ok?" He asked as he tried his hair with a towel.

"Yeah, I just…" She said looking him up and down. "Do you have to go to work?" She asked seductively.

Ben laughed as he walked over to her. "Don't do that or I won't leave and then we will have a whole fleet of stormtroopers at my door." He said as he leaned over and kissed her.

"Mmm," Anya smiled into his kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"No," Ben laughed again. "I'm serious if we continue this I won't leave."

"Fine," She said as she hopped out of bed.

"Hey," Ben said as she grabbed her by the shoulders. "If you are going to practice by yourself, only use the lightsaber, don't use the Force at all."

"What?" Anya whined. "Why,"

"I'm surprised that Snoke hasn't felt your energy already, but if you use the Force, he will definitely know you are not only alive but on the ship."

"But I used the Force early and nothing happened."

"Anya we aren't arguing about this, I'm not risking it. Saber only, when I get back I will teach you how to shield yourself from Snoke's view." He said as he threw on a shirt.

"Fine." Anya huffed causing Ben to chuckle.

Ben suddenly went over to his pillow and pulled out his old lightsaber.

"How did you get it back." Anya gasped.

"Phasma was on her way to turn it into Snoke, I just confiscated it from her." He smiled as he held it out to Anya.

"And you decided to keep it under your pillow?" She laughed as she reached for it but Ben pulled it back.

"It was just a precaution."

"What did you think I was going to kill you in your sleep." Anya laughed but Ben felt a tinge of hurt run through him as he remembered that night in the temple. The look on Luke Skywalker's face as the light from his lightsaber lite up his eyes. He looked terrified of him because he knew that Ben Solo couldn't be saved from the darkness. Anya gasped. "Ben I'm sorry I didn't."

Ben just smiled pushing the memory away. "Don't worry." He said as he handed her the saber.

"Ben, why did you keep this." She asked seriously looking up at him.

"I needed something that reminded me that Ben Solo was still a part of me and that he wasn't completely gone." Ben insisted. "Plus I needed to still feel connected with you somehow." He said as he thought of a memory for when Anya and he trained.

"Alright, Ben Anya pair up," Luke said as the two faced each other. "Alright, Anya you need to the get the red cloth on the stone behind Ben, and Ben you need to get blue cloth behind Anya. It is your goal to get the cloth before the other and you need to make sure that your opponent doesn't get your cloth."

Ben smiled as he looked at Anya. The other Padawans had gathered around for that they hoped would be the best fight they had seen. Ben and Anya were the strongest out of everyone. Murmuring began as people started to bet who would win. Many predicted that Ben would beat Anya easily, others pitted Anya to win.

"Get back to back!" Luke yelled over the talking. "You can use any means to stop your opponent, including your lightsaber."

Anya turned around as Ben backed into her their backs touching.

"You're going down Solo." Anya thought.

"Oh you are very mistaken flygirl, I'm a Skywalker, don't forget that." He laughed in his head.

"Ready," Luke said and the two nodded, tightening their grip on their lightsabers. "Go!"

The minute Luke said the word the two pulled their lightsaber out of their belt turning it on and turning their two blades pushed into each other causing sparks to fly. Anya quickly threw her hand out sending Ben flying backward, then she starting to run towards the rock. Ben responded by throwing her head out knocking Anya's feet from under her sending her falling forward. Anya caught her self and jumped back up only to be met by Ben charging at her with his lightsaber on. She turned hers on just in time for the blades to clash once again. Suddenly Ben's face fell as he faltered looking at Anya with a look of sadness and distress. But Anya was too deep into the competition and she reached up and kicked Ben square in the chest causing him to fall to the ground. She started towards the cloth again when this time Ben grabbed her ankles causing her to fall just shy of the cloth.

"Go Anya!" Some of the Padawans yelled.

"Get her Ben" Others yelled.

Anya started to reach out when Ben got on top over her pinning her hands over her head.

Anya wrapped her legs around his waist and flipped them over so she was on top then she reached out for the cloth but Ben stopped her by grabbing her wrists. The two then looked at each other breathing deeply.

"Ben," Anya thought leaning closer to him.

"Alright, that's enough!" Luke called.

The memory faded and Ben and Anya were back on the Finalizer.

"Do you remember how mad he was at us after that." Ben laughed.

"Ben, why did you falter? What were you thinking about?" Anya asked seriously.

Ben sighed. "Snoke was in my head, he kept telling me to kill you."

"Ben, I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize, you were the only thing that kept me somewhat sane." He said as he leaned down and kissed her again.

This lasted for a while before Anya broke away pushing Ben backward.

"Alright, go, the sooner you leave, the sooner you come back and we can train."

"Oh I see so that's the only reason you want me around is so I can teach you, I thought you wanted me around because you actually cared." Ben teased as he headed towards the door.

"Hey, if you train me I might have to figure out how to repay you." Anya said seductively.

Ben gulped as he walked out of the room.

Anya watched as the door shut. Then she quickly threw off her turtleneck and grabbed her tank top from the resistance.

Looking down at the saber in her hand, although she was on an enemy base and there were people all around her that would love and torture and kill her, she felt calm. Quickly she lit the saber and swung around landed in a side lunge squat the lightsaber straight out to the side.

She continued this for most of the day, just practicing her control and her speed with the saber. She had wanted to practice with the Force, but she knew Ben was right that if she used it Snoke would find her.

Ben, on the other hand, had to face countless meetings with General Hux about the Resistance fleet and how the First Order was close to catching up to them. Snoke then summoned him to talk about how he felt now that everyone that was connected to Ben Solo was dead. He had to bite his tongue when Snoke talked about Anya.

"See now aren't you glad that that girl you once loved is dead, she wouldn't approve of the man you have become." Snoke laughed.

The day dragged on as he counted down the minutes until he could be with Anya again.

"You seem very distracted today Ren," Hux said.

Ben didn't even say anything as he just glared at him.

"Well, Snoke said that you are no longer required to eat dinner with us as long as you are training, and working on your mental training. So I sent a trooper to your room with some food."

"You did what!" Ben almost screamed.

Hux just smiled. "Is there a problem?"

Ben's hands clenched into fists as he swallowed hard. "No, it's fine." He said through gritted teeth. "I'll just go… go back to my room." Then he turned and walked down the hall fighting the urge to sprint.

As he went through hallway after hallway he kept expecting to see Anya being dragged down the hall, but there was nothing. His worry got more and more intense and his pace got quickly. When he finally reached the final hallway he was almost sprinting.

"Anya!" He called when he opened his door, to his horror he found it completely empty a plate of food sitting on the table. "Anya!" he called again panicked.

"No, no, no, no, no." Ben thought running his hands through hair tears in his eyes.

"Ben?" He heard a voice say from behind him and he quickly wiped around to see Anya coming out of the bathroom.

Ben sighed as he ran to her and pulled her in for a hug.

"God fucking Hux!" He exclaimed.

"The stormtrooper opened the door and I ran into the bathroom." Anya said but Ben just pulled her into him tighter. "Ben, it's ok, he didn't see me."

Ben couldn't even speak as he held her.

"Ben, I can't breathe."

Ben quickly let her go, looking her up and down. He still couldn't believe that she was there, sometimes he worried that she would just disappear.

There was a moment of silence before Ben finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, the way Hux made it sound was like he knew you were here. I thought he had sent the stormtrooper to get you." Ben said.

Anya smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair. "You have gotten very protective in your old age Solo."

Ben grabbed her hand holding it in front of his mouth. "If I lose you again, I won't survive it." He said then he kissed her hand.

"You won't lose me." She said as she pulled him in for another long kiss.

Ben then broke away, as he pulled out to colored fabrics, one red and one black.

A smile spread across Anya's face as she grabbed the red one. "You're going down Solo."

"We'll see flygirl." He said as he leaned in for another kiss.

Anya back up

Anya backed up as she looked at Ben. "Your distraction tactics will not work on me."

"Fine." Ben smiled.

"Fine." Anya replied as she turned around placing her back against Ben's.

"On the count of three," Ben started as he stuffed his cloth into his sleeve, while Anya threw hers onto the table next to the food. "One, Two..."

"Three!" Anya called as she turned around lightsaber lit as Ben met her lightsaber with his.

She glanced behind him as their lightsabers sparked.

"Where is it!" She exclaimed as she kicked him. "You cheated."

"I didn't cheat if I didn't set any rules." Ben laughed as threw Anya backward as he made his way towards her cloth.

"That's not fair you can't use the Force if I can't." She said as she grabbed his ankles causing him to fall over.

As he hit the floor he just began to laugh hysterically.

"It's not funny," Anya said as she got on top of him. "Where is it, where did you hide it," She said as she began to look through his clothes.

Suddenly Ben stopped laughing as he grabbed her wrists.

The two stared at each other for a moment before Ben leaned up and passionately kissed Anya.

They continued to kiss as Ben picked her up as they walked over to the bed Ben set her on the bed as he crawled over top of her pulling his shirt over his head as he did so.

Anya grabbed onto his compression band pulling him into her.

"Is," Anya started between the kisses. "Is your side feeling better?"

Ben laughed as he leaned his forehead on her forehead. "You really want to talk about this right now."

Anya laughed "I just don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me." Ben smiled as he kissed her again.

They kissed for a while before Anya put her hand over his mouth.

"Seriously, where did you put the cloth." Anya said causing Ben to laugh again as he hopped off the bed. He reached down to grab the cloth out of his sleeve.

"You cheater! I would have never found that!" Anya laughed as Ben came back and crawled over her.

"That was the point." He smiled as he held the cloth in front of her face.

She quickly grabbed it.

"Well I think we need a redo, it's only fair." Anya said as she looked at Ben.

"Seriously." Ben laughed.

"Tomorrow." She smiled seductively as she wrapped the cloth around Ben's neck pulling him in for another long kiss as his hands inched the way up her shirt until he pulled it off.

"Flygirl you don't know what you are getting yourself into," Ben said as he kissed her neck.

"I think I do, Solo." She smiled as she kissing him again digging her nails into his bare back.


	11. Bad Dreams

Song for this chapter: Bad Dream by Ruelle

First I would just like to say I messed with the timeline of the movie because I felt like two days is not enough time for this story to be told.

Second MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS this chapter deals with a lot of violence and even rape so please be warned.

* * *

For two weeks everything was back to normal, during the day Ben went to work and Anya trained, when he came back they trained together. Ben had never felt so happy in his entire life, for once he could actually stand being on that stupid ship. For two weeks life for both Anya and Ben was perfect. Then it ended.

Anya woke up to find Ben getting dressed earlier than usual.

"Ben, what are you doing?" Anya grumbled sitting up wrapping the sheets around her naked torso.

Ben didn't even turn around. He just continued to get dressed.

"Ben?" Anya asked as she got up wrapping the sheets around her.

Ben still didn't move.

"Ben!" Anya exclaimed as she grabbed Ben by the shoulder turning him. However Ben still looked at the floor. "Ben, what is going on?"

"I'm leaving," Ben sighed finally looking up at her.

"You… You're what?" She said stumbling backward gripping onto the sheets tightly.

"Snoke is sending me off the ship. He needs me to go find some lost Jedi texts and destroy them." He said sadly.

"How… how long are you are you going to be gone." She said biting her lip holding back the tears.

"Two weeks," Ben said as he looked at the ground.

"Two!" Anya exclaimed as she turned around sitting on the bed. "How am I supposed to stay on this ship by myself for two weeks."

"Hey," Ben said as he knelt in front of her. "I've made it so I'm having someone bring food to the room every day. So you won't have to worry about that."

"Ben, you don't think anyone is going to question why food is being brought to your room when there is no one supposed to be in here."

"Anya, I took care of it ok…" Ben started.

"Wait, if you had time to find this stormtrooper, when did you find out you were leaving?"

"Yesterday," Ben said sitting back on his feet.

"Yesterday! And you chose to tell me now!"

"Anya,"

"Oh, what did you want one last fuck and then you were going to leave without a goodbye or anything."

"No!" Ben screamed back. "I have been trying to figure out what the fuck to do and I didn't want to have us fight ok!"

"Well we are fighting Ben, so your fucking plan didn't work."

"What are you really mad about the fact that I didn't tell you or the fact that I'm leaving!"

"I…" Anya stuttered trying to figure out which one she was really mad about. "I don't know both I guess."

"If I had another choice wouldn't you think I would have taken it!" Ben screamed clenching his fists.

"You do have another…" Anya started

"Oh for fuck sake stop with the other choice bull shit! Anya I do not have another choice! No matter how far into the light I go Snoke is never going to let me leave alive, more importantly, if I disobey him at all if I slip up at all or do anything out of the fucking ordinary, he will find you and he will kill you. And I will not ever let that happen. So no I don't have another choice. I'm going to go find these fucking books, I'm going to destroy them, and then I will be back."

Anya sighed as tears fell down her face.

Ben stood up and turned away. "I have to leave in 15 minutes." He sighed.

Anya leaned her head into her hands. "Why when everything seems to be going right does the universe fuck us over."

Ben sighed again his anger subsiding as he turned around to see Anya hunched over crying still wrapped in only the black sheets of his bed.

He walked over to her sitting down next to her wrapping his arms around her as she leaned into his chest.

"There is nothing that I want more than to stay here with you in this bed. But I have to go." Ben said as he kissed her forehead.

"I know, I'm sorry." She said wiping her tears as she looked at him. "I love you."

"I love you too." He said as he pulled her in for a long kiss.

Ben then pulled Anya in for a long embrace running his fingers through her hair.

"Please hurry back." Anya said as she broke away.

Ben wiped the tears from her face before kissing her again.

"Nothing could prevent me from racing back to you as fast as physically possible," Ben said as he leaned his forehead on hers.

They then broke away as Ben grabbed his lightsaber and headed towards the door.

"Hey, Solo!" Anya called and Ben turned around to see her standing up as she dropped the sheets. "Don't do anything stupid."

Ben bit his lip as he looked Anya up and down. "Wouldn't dream of it flygirl." He smiled then he strode out of the room.

The minute he left Anya wiped her face and quickly got dressed. While Ben was gone she was at least going to be productive. She had learned many new tricks including how to shield her mind from Snoke, so she could practice using the Force however much she wanted.

Quickly she threw her hand out and her saber flew into her hand. Grasping it she turned it on she began to practice her control.

For hours she spent practicing, no matter how tired she got no matter how much she wanted to give up she just kept training.

She had completely rearranged Ben's room by using the force to move the furniture.

By the end of the day she was mentally and physically exhausted, but as she lay on the floor she reached out for her lightsaber.

"Don't you are exhausted." She heard Ben's voice in her head say.

"Ben," She thought as she sat back against the bed breathing deeply.

"I could literally feel how exhausted you and I'm light years away flygirl." Ben laughed causing Anya to smile.

"I'm just trying to master the Force, don't tease." Anya laughed

"No one masters the Force, it's not something that can be mastered."

"Well I'm going to do it Solo and there is nothing you can do to stop me." Anya laughed causing Ben to laugh with her. "I miss you already,"

"I miss you too." Ben sighed sadly.

There was a moment of silence when the two just lingered while feeling each other's energy and finding comfort in it.

"I don't want to distract you when you are flying." Anya sighed wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Hey don't be sad, I'll talk to you every day I promise ok." Ben insisted.

"I just feel like something bad is going to happen." Anya insisted.

"Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise, now you need to rest. I love you."

"I love you too." Anya said as stood up strengthening her tired muscles before she crawled into bed.

She had just started to fall asleep when her stomach started to rumble.

"Food," She thought and just when she thought it the door to the room opened. Anya quickly reached out for the lightsaber just a stormtrooper walked in carrying a tray of food. She gripped the lightsaber tightly not turning it on just holding her breath as she watched the stormtrooper set the tray on the table and walked out without a word and without even looking at her.

For three days her activities became a routine. She woke up, took a shower, talked to Ben for a little bit, trained for most of the day talking to Ben and then ate the food that the stormtrooper brought in at the same time every day.

It was the fourth day of Ben being gone, Anya had trained extra hard that day trying to project herself to be with Ben. She did it for a little bit before the exhaustion took over and she collapsed onto the floor.

"That was good but you can't do that too much, you're not strong enough yet, it could kill you." Ben thought.

"But I'm getting stronger, that's what matters," Anya breathed.

"Just don't push too much, also I would like to come back to a room I recognize, you can't just keep rearranging the furniture." He laughed wishing he could be there with her.

"I will put it back." Anya teased as she slowly got up. "How is your mission going?" She asked.

"Awful, Snoke sent me to Tatooine to look for these Ancient texts but I don't think they are here, why would they be on this planet. I think there are with Luke wherever he is." Ben grumbled.

"Have you seen Rey lately?" Anya asked.

"Not since that day when Phasma attacked you."

"Do you think she is still with Luke?"

"I would assume, why?" Ben asked as he trudged through the hot sand of the planet his uncle had lived on so many years earlier.

"Maybe you could try to connect with her again, she might give you a clue where Luke is and then you could go there and see if the texts are there."

"I can't connect with her like I can with you, I just have to wait for whatever, or whoever is connecting us to connect us." Ben sighed.

Suddenly Anya could hear someone at the door.

"Alright, well my dinner is here so I will talk to you later, I love you."

"I love you too, sleep well." Ben smiled as they broke the connection.

Anya had just turned to look at the door when suddenly the tray of food went flying over her head slamming into the wall. When she opened her eyes she found Hux staring back at her with two stormtroopers behind him.

"Hello Anya" Hux smiled wickedly

Anya panicked as she threw her hand out to the side reaching out for her saber but she was quickly thrown back into the wall. The minute she hit the floor she was pulled forward by the Force landing at Hux's feet.

She looked up at him horrified, there was no way Hux had been the one to throw her backward. So as Hux sidestepped to the side and she saw a cloaked figure walk towards her, the fear hit her so hard her breathing became supremely rapid.

She was quickly brought up to her feet so she was standing face to face with Snoke.

"Why Anya it has been a long time," Snoke growled wickedly.

"How did you…" Anya started when she was slammed into the floor by Snoke's power.

"Did you actually think that you could be on this ship or alive for that matter and I wouldn't know about it!" He screamed pulling her up to her knees.

She then felt him trying to get into her head but the shield that she had built was blocking him.

"Oh, young Benjamin taught you his little shielding trick," Snoke said when suddenly she was lifted up into the air. "Do you think anyone can hide anything from me!"

Suddenly he broke through her shield and she was flooded with a supreme level of pain. She tried to throw out her hand to use the Force against Snoke but he just hit her with more pain.

She let out a loud scream before Snoke dropped her and she crumbled to the ground in pain.

"Do you see how easy I broke through that shield you had tried so hard to build," Snoke said as he reached out and her lightsaber flew to him. "I knew he had kept it and now he has given it to you. So the lover has become the teacher."

Anya was brought to her knees again.

"He was supposed to become the new Vader he was finally supposed to set the universe back to the way it used to be, the dark side and you keep coming in the way between him and his destiny!" Snoke screamed.

"It's not his destiny!" Anya screamed. "You and I both know that he is destined to be good, you are just trying to hold onto him because you don't want to admit that you failed and that the light will always defeat the dark."

Snoke quickly turned on the lightsaber and sliced it across Anya arm and face leaving her with the same wounds as Rey had given to Ben.

Anya screamed out in pain as she still stays paralyzed by Snoke's power.

"Alright I'm done with her, it's your turn," Snoke said as he turned to Hux who smiled.

"No!" Anya screamed when Snoke threw her back into the wall knocking her out.

When she finally woke up she found herself lying back in bed. For a moment she thought it was just a bad dream, that she would look around and Ben would be sleeping next her and life would be back to what it was. But as she felt the searing pain between her legs and she noticed she was no longer wearing any clothes. She could barely breathe as she turned to see General Hux lying in the bed next to her.

She let out a loud scream as she used the Force to throw Hux out of the bed revealing that he too was naked.

"Well good morning to you too." Hux laughed, he fucking laughed.

Anya crawled out of the bed wrapping the sheets around her. Her face and arm were still bleeding from being sliced with the lightsaber.

"Get out." Anya said barely audible as Hux stood up and started to put his clothes back on.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"Get out," Anya tried to say but her voice caught in her throat.

"Don't mumble!" Hux snapped.

"Get out!" Anya screamed and the furniture in the room shook.

"I'm leaving, don't worry, you weren't anything special." Hux laughed again as he grabbed his blaster off the floor and Anya felt like she was going to throw up. "Oh, Snoke did want me to do one more thing." He said and then he fired his blaster causing it to hit Anya on the side.

She collapsed to the floor in agonizing pain as Hux strode out of the room.

"Anya!" She heard Ben scream in her head as she struggled to stay conscious.


	12. Bad Company

**Song for this chapter: Bad Company by Five Finger Death Punch**

 **MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS this chapter deals with a lot of violence and even rape so please be warned.**

* * *

Anya consciousness kept fading in and out as she tried to crawl to the bathroom. Her hands kept slipping on her own blood that was now covering the floor. She could hear Ben trying to talk to her in her head but she couldn't understand him. At one point she passed out and when she came to she could barely breathe and she couldn't move.

"Ben," She tried to talk to him but she was too weak to even form the connection. "Don't let this turn you, please stay good, you are so close."

She pulled together another strength to lean her back up against the wall so she was sitting up.

Her eyelids wanted so badly to close but she was doing her best to stay awake to stay alive. She noticed a crumpled piece of laying on the floor near the bed. With any strength she had left she reached out her hand and the paper slowly came to her.

As she picked it up she loud out another loud cry as she began to sob. The paper was the drawing that Ben had of her, that Hux had taken. She ripped it up and threw the pieces as she continued to sob however the more she cried to more she had to grasp for air. She didn't know how long she was going to last. She would hang on for as long as she could for him. She longed to see Ben again. But the more blood she lost the realization of the fact that she wouldn't make it long began to sink in.

She just kept thinking about the life she wanted with Ben.

 _"Ben!" She called resting her hands on her hips. "Come on it's getting late!" She said waiting._

 _"Mommy!" She heard a voice say and she watched as the little boy appeared above the hill riding on his father's shoulders. Slowly Ben set the boy down and he came sprinting to her wrapping his arms around her large pregnant belly. "Daddy took me flying!"_

 _"Did he," She laughed as she picked up the boy setting him on her hip._

 _"I got to fly_ in _grandpa's ship!"_

 _"_ Wow _where did you go!" She said as she watched as Ben came next to her giving her a giant kiss._

 _"Ewww," The little boy groaned as he covered his eyes._

 _Ben and Anya laughed as she set the little boy down._

 _"We went to uh, daddy where did we go?" The boy asked as he reached up to have his father pick him up._

 _"Remember its where Grandpa was_ from. _" Ben said as he picked up the boy._

 _"Oh yeah,_ Corfellia _right!" The little boy exclaimed._

 _"Corellia," Ben laughed as he ruffled the little_ boys _brown curls._

 _"Alright now it's time to go to_ bed. _" Anya said._

 _"But Uncle Poe promised he would tell me a story before I went to bed."_

 _"Han Kes Solo, it is very late." Ben insisted._

 _"Please," The little boy whined._

 _"Fine, he's inside with Aunt Kaydel, but not for very_ long. _" Anya said as the little boy wriggled out of his father's arms and went running inside._

 _"When did he get so_ big. _" Ben said as he watched the boy as he wrapped his arm around Anya's shoulder. "He absolutely loved flying, you should have seen his eyes light up when we took off."_

 _"He's like his dad," She smiled as she snuggled into his embrace._

 _"God I wish_ my _…" Ben started his voice cracking._

 _"Hey," Anya said turning towards to look at Ben. "I wish they were here too," She leaned in and kissed him as he placed on hand on her stomach. As they kissed both Anya and Ben felt the baby kick._

 _"_ Oh _she's very active this evening." Ben smiled as he knelt down so he was talking to Anya's stomach. "Are you ready to come out my little princess." He cooed._

 _"What makes you think its a girl." Anya smiled down at her husband._

 _"I just have a feeling." Ben smiled as he stood up facing his wife._

 _"Yeah, you also had a feeling Han was going to be a girl and look had that turned out Solo."_

 _"But I also had a feeling that you would be the one to save me and look how that turned out_ flygirl _." He said as he leaned in and kissed her._

Anya was brought back to the sound of banging on the door.

"No," She thought as she tried to crawl into the bathroom fearing that it was Snoke or worse Hux.

She could hear the sound of a lightsaber light and then someone carving into the door but she just kept trying to crawl, but she had no strength left and she just collapsed to the ground accepting her fate.

"Anya!" She heard the person scream and she recognized it as Ben.

"Ben!" She cried weakly.

Ben quickly ran to where he had heard her voice. When he turned around the bed he skidded to a stop horrified at what he saw. Before him was Anya only the sheets of his bed surrounded by blood, so much blood, and her face now bore the same burns his had after his fight in the forest.

"God," He gasped as he collapsed to his knees as he tried to figure out where she was bleeding from.

"My… my side" Anya gasped as she moved the sheets to reveal the wound on her side.

Tears streamed down Ben's face as he quickly scooped Anya up into his arms making sure the sheets were covering her. He didn't know for sure what had happened but he had a pretty good idea.

"I'm going to kill them." Ben growled as he walked through the hole he had carved into the door and carried her into the hallway.

"Where… where are we going?" Anya asked barely coherent.

"I'm taking you to the med bay, and they're going to fix you up. I'm so sorry, I should have been here but don't you worry, I'm going to make them pay for what they did to you." He said physically shaking due to how angry he was.

"I… I thought I wasn't going to see you again. I'm glad I got to see you…" She said her voice trailing off.

"Hey, Anya look at me!" Ben snapped as he continued to walk through the halls. "Anya open your eyes and look at me." He pleaded as Anya's eyes kept fluttering shut.

"Master Ren," He heard a voice say and his head snapped up to see two stormtroopers standing in his way of the med bay. "General Hux…" They started.

"If you don't let me through, I will break every fucking bone in your body." He growled as he glared at them.

They hesitated for a second before they moved out of the way letting him through.

"Please help her." Ben begged the med droids as he laid her on one of the beds.

"Sir in order to help her we need to remove the sheets." The droid said.

Ben hesitated for a moment before he nodded as he slowly removed the sheets, his knees giving way as he stifled a sob when he saw the dried blood between her legs.

"Sir are you alright?" The droid asked.

"Don't worry about me, fix her!" He snapped as he grabbed Anya's hand.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you." He sobbed holding her hand to her face.

"Ben," Anya grumbled.

"I'm here, I'm here." He insisted.

"It hurts," She cried as the droids started to work on the wound on her side.

"I'll try to make it feel better ok." He soothed as he focused all of his energy on her.

She sighed as the pain began to subsided she looked over at Ben.

"I love you." She said looking into his concerned eyes.

"I love you too." He said but he wasn't looking her in the eyes, he kept looking at the burns on her face.

"How bad is it," She said noticing his gaze.

"Oh, it's, it's not bad." He said kissing her hand again.

"Ben…" Anya started tears forming in her eyes. "Ben, Hux, he… he…"She started as she started to sob.

"Hey...shh." Ben soothed as he kissed her forehead "You don't have to talk about it now."

Suddenly two guards burst in grabbing Ben back and dragging him into the hall.

"Stop!" Ben screamed throwing them off. He started back towards the med bay but the doors quickly shut.

"Snoke said that you are to go to his throne room or else we are instructed to kill the girl."

"If you even think about going near here I will gut you do you understand!" Ben screamed.

"Sir…" The stormtrooper said almost begging.

"Ben!" He could hear Anya cry for him.

"I will kill her Benjamin I can kill her even though I am nowhere near her." He heard Snoke scream in his head. And then he heard Anya let out an agonizing cry of pain.

"No, stop!" Ben pleaded. "I… I will head to the throne room." He sighed defeated.

"Ben?" Anya called again and Ben felt his heart shatter as he went down the hall following the two stormtroopers. "Ben," She cried again causing Ben to cry.

As he made the agonizing way to Snoke room he kept sending his mind back to Anya keeping an eye on her making sure that he could still feel her energy. The one thing that kept him going forward and not running back to Anya was the thought that Hux was down with Snoke, and that he could slice him up into small bits. As he walked into the elevator, the two guards leaving him alone once more, he clung to that thought.

When the doors opened, he saw him standing smugly next to Snoke.

"You motherfucker!" Ben screamed as he reached out grabbing his lightsaber and lighting it as he charged at Hux.

Snoke didn't even say a word as he caused Ben to freeze in his tracks.

"Now, now Benjamin that is no way to treat the man who just ensured your future."

Back in the med bay, Anya still called out for Ben.

"Ben!" She cried as the droid finished sewing up her side.

"Ma'am, are you calling for Master Ren?" The droid asked.

"Don't call him that," She cried. "Where did they take him. Where is he?"

"I don't know Ma'am, but you need to stop moving we are going to bandage the burns on your face."

"No! We need to find Ben, Snoke he…" Suddenly she was jabbed in the arm by something causing her to pass out.

When she woke up she found she was dressed her side and face had been bandaged up but most of all she felt a strong energy inside of her. So much so that she couldn't feel any pain anymore, the only thing she felt was pure rage.

When she looked around the room she found she was alone. Quickly she thought of Ben and projected herself into the room.

She found Snoke sitting on his throne and Hux standing next to him, then there was Ben who was kneeling on the ground in front of Snoke.

"Ah, Anya" Snoke said causing her to turn and look at him. "I was wondering when you would wake up, please join us." He smirked and then she found herself back in the med bay.

Her rage was consuming her but the level of power she felt inside of her was incredible. As she hopped out of the bed it didn't even feel like she was hurt at all. All she could think about was Hux and how much she wanted to tear him apart.

She stormed out of the room throwing the stormtroopers that were waiting for her in the hallway, into the side of the wall.

She didn't care that people were staring as she stormed through the halls. Even though she had no idea where Snoke's throne room was she felt herself being pulled towards the doors at the end of the hall.

"Is that…" She could hear whispers of the people she passed by.

"Did you hear what Hux…" They would start and the men would snicker.

She ignored all of them, but the one person who caught her eye was the blonde haired women who looked at her with not judgement or hate or disgust, but pity.

Anya stopped for a moment and looked at Phasma. And even after what Phasma had done to her, the hate and rage Anya felt wasn't directed at her. Instead she felt an understanding. And neither one could explain why but as Anya headed into the elevator, Phasma followed standing side by side with the girl that less than a month ago she was willing to kill, but now she would do anything to protect.

The elevator doors closed on the faces of bewildered crew members of the Finalizer. As Anya and Phasma rode there way down to the throne room, they didn't say a word. But as the door opened to reveal the two smug faces of Snoke and Hux, Anya heard Phasma whisper behind her, "I've got your back ma'am."

A smile spread across Anya's face as she strode into the room.

"Well hello Anya. The med droids did a wonderful job of stitching you up didn't they." Snoke said but Anya's focus wasn't on him. She was staring directly at Hux.

Quickly she threw her hand up causing Hux to go flying across the room into her hand as she wrapped her hand around his neck choking him.

A slight look of shock spread across Snoke's face, this small break allowed Ben to move again as he turned to look at Anya.

The Elite Praetorian Guards started towards Anya, Ben saw this and quickly ran to her his lightsaber ablaze as he and Phasma, who was armed with her blaster, both guarded Anya.

"The great and powerful Supreme Leader Snoke, needs eight human guards to protect him because he can't protect himself." Anya laughed as she brushed her other hand out to the side causing all of the guards to fall to the ground.

Ben watched this eyes wide as he turned to look at Anya shocked.

"How…" Snoke started as he stood up.

Anya quickly threw Hux to the ground as she brought her hand out towards Snoke causing him to fly forward landing at her feet.

"You hurt me and had me raped because you wanted to ensure that Ben remained on the dark side!" She screamed and the entire throne room shook.

"You can't be doing this, you don't have the power!" Snoke replied causing Anya to laugh as she threw her hand out again sending Snoke flying backward into his throne.

"No you're right before I was raped and before you tried to take Ben away from me I didn't have this kind of power, I was barely able to move furniture. But now, because of you and especially because of General Fucking Hux, I am filled with such rage, and you're right Snoke rage is power!" She screamed as she lifted Hux into the air. Slowly she began to turn her hand into a fist. Each time her finger curled one of Hux's bones broke. First she started with his legs then his arms then his ribs and each individual finger. He screamed out in pain as his body began to contort with pain.

"Anya!" Ben said as he watched her smile grow the louder Hux screamed.

Finally Anya slammed her hand shut causing Hux to bend in half, backwards, with a sickening snap then she let his lifeless body fall to the floor.

"I can kill you in an instant!" Snoke screamed as he reached out his hand to her, but she quickly brought him to her making him kneel before her.

"I want you try Snoke, I want you to really really try, because you have been able to kill me yet." She laughed.

Snoke looked at her for a moment before he reached out and started inflicted pain on Ben who collapsed to the ground.

Anya did the same to Snoke causing his hold on Ben to break as he cried out in pain.

She stopped as Snoke looked up at her with genuine fear in his eyes. "You said that no one could hide anything from you, well I'm not hiding anymore am I. She laughed as she walked toward the throne Force dragging him behind her.

As she sat down in the throne she sat Snoke at her feet.

"Supreme Leader Anyaest, I like the sound of that." She smiled wickedly.


	13. No Mercy

**Song for this chapter: No Mercy by KIT**

* * *

Ben stared at Anya sitting in the throne. She looked wicked as she kicked Snoke.

"What are you going to do," Snoke growled as he glared up at her. "There is still an army that will stand behind me. When they find out…"

"Shut up!" Anya snapped kicking Snoke causing him to land on his hands and knees as she placed her feet on his back like he was a footrest.

"Anya!" Ben gasped and Anya turned to look at Ben and for a split second, she looked at him with the same angry look that she looked at Snoke with. Her look quickly soften as she smiled slightly at him.

"Captain Phasma," Anya called as she stood up out of the throne.

"Yes Ma'am," Phasma responded and Ben turned to look at her. He couldn't believe that Phasma was now listening and obeying whatever Anya said.

"Round everyone up, I want to speak to them." Anya said and Phasma nodded as she turned and walked away and into the elevator.

"Anya, what are you doing?" Ben asked as he inched towards her. "You can't go speak to everyone on the base when they find out what you did to Hux…" Ben started

"What are they going to do Ben, they can't touch me." She smiled as she looked around at the guards who were no longer trying to attack her instead they were just looking at her, waiting for a command. "I am the new supreme leader!"

"You are not…" Snoke started again when Anya quickly turned around hand out.

"You will not say another word unless I allow you too!" She snapped and Snoke repeated what she said in a monotone voice. And Ben's jaw about hit the floor as he watched Snoke's mouth shut.

Anya laughed giddily as she turned towards Ben again.

"Look at what I can do!" She laughed as she ran over to him grabbing his hand.

Ben was so confused he just stared at her looking her up and down. She looked exactly the same but there was a new look in her eye, one that Ben slightly recognized, it was the look of power, but what terrified Ben wasn't the look of power, it was the look of she actually loved the manipulation.

"Alright, let's go." She said as she turned back to Snoke holding her hand out again. "You will not move from this spot until I tell you too."

"I will not move from this spot until you tell me too."

Anya smiled as she turned to the guards.

"You are now under my control, your job is to protect Ben and me against anyone or anything. Is that understood!" She yelled and all the guards saluted her. "Head upstairs!"

All the guards turned into sync and headed into the elevator leaving the throne room empty, leaving Ben and Anya alone, with an incapacitated Snoke watching them.

"Anya," Ben started as he turned to look at Snoke who had a slight smile on his face.

"Maybe I went after the wrong child all of those years ago." He heard Snoke say inside his head.

"Shut up!" Ben growled glaring at him.

"She the true savior of the Sith." He laughed inside Ben's head.

Ben reached for his saber when suddenly Anya turned to look at him.

"Come on." She said as they headed to the now empty elevator.

Ben followed Snoke's words still ringing in his head.

As he looked down the room at Snoke sitting on the floor in front of the throne, he couldn't help but feel a sense that Snoke had won.

When the doors shut Anya flung herself into Ben's arms kissing him as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

He was taken aback for a moment as he wrapped his arms around her, but he quickly pulled away.

"Anya what are you doing." He asked as he set her down.

"What do you mean?" She asked confused. "I am taking charge."

"You killed Hux." He said.

Anya took a step back angry.

"Yes, I fucking killed him he raped me, Ben! Were you not going to kill him." She snapped.

"That's not what I meant. You didn't just kill him, you tormented him. You tortured him."

"And what you were going to kill him painlessly." She scoffed.

"God no I was going to make him feel the worst pain in the world for what he did to you. I was going to slice him up into small pieces!" Ben screamed.

"Then why was it not okay for me to kill him like I did!"

"Because I am the bad one!" Ben screamed. "I am the one who does the murdering and the torturing remember, but you, you have to be the light, you have to be my light." He said almost in a whisper.

Anya chuckled slightly, but it wasn't her normal laugh, this was like the laugh she had used with Snoke.

"Ben I told you I'm not going over to the dark side." She said as she reached out and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Anya you just declared yourself the Supreme Leader." He sighed as he grabbed her hand.

"Yeah because that title is power!" Anya said as she ripped her hand out of his grasp. "No one is going to touch us if I hold this power. I can protect us."

"We don't need protecting, we can just run, let's just run, we can get in a ship and we can just go." Ben pleaded as he put his hand on her face.

"Now you want to run," She laughed as she backed away. "You were right, we can't run, in order to truly be safe we have to defeat the forces that want to destroy us, and what better way to destroy Snoke then to rule him." She said.

"But if you rule Snoke, you have to rule over the whole First Order."

"And what's wrong with that, I get them to do what I want and I protect the people I care about and we destroy the people I don't like." She smiled as the elevator doors opened and she strode out.

"Destroy, destroy who Anya?" He asked as he followed behind her. The guards lined the walls and as Ben and Anya walked by they followed close behind.

Anya didn't say another word as she walked ahead towards the loading docks.

"Anya," Ben started but Anya just ignored him.

As the doors to the loading dock opened Anya found the entire First Order fleet waiting for her command.

As she walked into on the podium, whispers began to spread through the crowd.

"Isn't that…"

"What is she doing with Master Ren?"

"Why is she standing behind the podium?"

"Are we having an execution?"

"Captain Phasma said the Supreme Leader was wanting to speak with us."

"Where is General Hux?"

"Everyone," Phasma started. "Supreme Leader Anya would like to speak to all of you."

The whispers quickly turned into roars of anger!

"Where is Supreme Leader Snoke?" They screamed causing Ben to take a step towards her.

"What happened to General Hux?" Others screamed as they began to head towards Anya.

"Anya, we have to go!" Ben screamed as he grabbed her arm.

"No, they can't hurt me!" Anya screamed back as now both Ben and Phasma were trying to get her out of the room as the guards surrounded her.

"Anya, they are going to tear you apart! Please." Ben pleaded when Anya quickly threw both him and Phasma to the side as she screamed shaking the entire ship silencing everyone.

"I am the new Supreme Leader, Snoke is now my prisoner, General Hux has been executed now if anyone has a problem with me, they can challenge me now!" Anya screamed but no one moved everyone froze. "Good, now I want all of the stormtroopers to remove their helmets," Everyone looked around for a moment before thousands of stormtroopers reached up and took of their helmets. "You are no longer a number, I want everyone to pick a name!"

"What are you doing?" Phasma asked as she stared up at Anya.

"Now my first command is we are going to storm Arkanis!" Anya screamed. "I want no one taken alive! No survivors and no prisoners is that understood!"

Everyone slammed their heels together as they saluted their new Supreme Leader.

"No Mercy!" Anya screamed

"No Mercy!" Everyone screamed back at her causing her to smile as she turned and walked off the podium Captain Phasma following closely behind.

Ben just stared up at the girl he loved and he didn't recognize her at all.

Anya reached out her hand to help Ben off the floor, a smile spread across her face, but Ben just stared up at her. Anya's smile quickly faded as she walked away leaving Ben on the floor.

"Ma'am, what would you like us to do about the Resistance?" Phasma asked.

"How much fuel do they have left?" Anya asked as Ben stood up trailing behind them.

"2 more days worth ma'am."

"Keep following them, we will focus on them more as soon as we take care of Arkanis." Anya insisted. "For now our focus needs to be destroying all life on that planet."

Ben finally broke as he stormed over to Anya roughly grabbing her arm.

Phasma reacted by grabbing Ben's arm.

"Ma'am?" She said.

"It's fine Phasma, just go to the bridge and run the attack, I'll be there after I talk with Master Ren." Anya growled as Phasma nodded letting go of Ben's arm then she left Ben and Anya alone.

"Anya." Ben started but Anya quickly ripped her arm from his grasp as she stormed down the hall with Ben following.

Neither one of them spoke a word until they entered Ben's bedroom.

"Anya," Ben tried again when suddenly he was thrown sideways into one of the chairs.

"What the fuck are you doing!" Anya screamed.

"What are you doing Anya!" Ben screamed back. "No mercy, what the fuck does that mean."

"It means what you think it means, I want everyone on that fucking planet annihilated. Hux was from that planet."

"That doesn't mean the entire planet needs to be destroyed!"

"Yes, that's exactly what it means, I'm going to destroy any person or planet that I want, because I can, and no one is going to stop me."

Ben opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it, he had no words.

"I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of feeling like I can't do anything but wait for someone to save me. I want to make it so people are afraid of me." She said lowering her voice.

"Anya please don't do this, you don't have to kill people to not be afraid anymore, I can help…"

Anya just starting laughing. Ben tried to get up by she pushed him back down into the chair.

"I don't have to kill people to not be afraid, that's really good Ben coming from the man who killed people, hundreds of people because he was angry and he was sad." She sneered.

"Anya."

"Don't!" Anya screamed back knocking the chair over causing Ben to fall to the floor. "Don't patronize me you piece of shit! You created me!"

"Stop," Ben said in almost a whisper.

"I did everything for you every decision every move I made since I was 19 years old was because of you! I was in a fucking coma for six years because of you!"

"Stop."

"And now I'm getting lectured by the great Kylo Ren about how killing people is wrong and that we should just run away and life will be better. I wanted to run away Ben, I wanted to run away two fucking weeks ago! If we would have left then none of this would have happened!" She screamed her voice cracking slightly. "But we can't change that now can we Kylo."

"Don't call me that," Ben growled bawling his hand up into a fist.

"Why you chose to become Kylo!" Anya screamed. "You chose to kill Ben Solo the minute you killed your father!" She flung Ben backward into the wall.

Angrily as Ben hit the floor again he bolted to his feet taking his lightsaber out but not turning it on.

Anya laughed again. "What are you going to do Ben, are you going to kill me." She said as she strode towards him. "Because we both know you can't do it." She walked all the way so she was inches from Ben. "Do it, Ben!" She screamed as she grabbing the lightsaber and placed it again her stomach.

Ben quickly let go of the lightsaber staring at Anya tears in his eyes.

"I didn't think so." Anya sneered as she turned to walk away the lightsaber still in her hands. "Don't leave this room."

Ben started to follow her when she quickly spun around glaring at him. "Don't make me make you stay." She snapped and Ben stopped letting her leave the room alone.

He waited for a moment barely able to comprehend what had just happened. His entire world had just shattered right in front of his eyes.

He couldn't break down however, he could collapse to the floor like he wanted to, it wasn't the time for that. He had to be strong, he had to save her from herself.

Quickly he left the room heading towards his Silencer, he knew he couldn't save Anya alone he needed the only other person who loved her as much as he did. He needed the best pilot in the Resistance.


	14. Everybody Wants to Rule the World

**Song for this chapter: Everybody Wants to Rule the World**

* * *

"Ben, where are you going!" Ben could hear Anya scream in his head.

He tried to block her from his thoughts, putting up his shield.

"Are you fucking kidding me! Do you really think that stupid mind shield can keep me out of your head Kylo? Now, where are you going?"

Ben tried to manipulate his thoughts to trick her but he knew it was pointless.

"You are going after my brother! Why Ben! You said it yourself if you go to the resistance they will kill you!"

There was a moment of silence as Ben flew out of the loading dock.

"You know what fine, do whatever the fuck you want Ren." She sneered and then she went silent.

Every word Anya said was a knife in Ben. He was losing her faster than he could have ever imagined. He knew training her in the ways of the Sith could lead to her going dark, but he never thought she would have fallen this far. The amount of power she had within her was unprecedented, never in the history of the Sith or the Jedi for that matter had there ever been a person who had that much power. The only people who had come this close was Darth Vader and maybe the Emperor.

"She is the true savior of the Sith." Snoke's words ringing in his head as a constant reminder of the fact that all of this was Ben's fault.

He had gone over to the dark side in the first place, he had almost killed Anya, and then when they were reunited once more, instead of sending her away, somewhere where she could be safe, he selfishly kept her on the ship. A ship that was filled with people who loved nothing more than to cause misery and pain, to everyone they could find.

"You created me!" He could hear Anya's words repeating themselves over and over.

As he flew after the retreating Resistance ships, his guilt ate him up inside. One, he knew that the odds of him making it onto a Resistance ship were slim to none. The minute they locked onto his Silencer, they would blow him out of the sky. Two, if by some miracle he made it onto the ship. He would be surrounded by Resistance fighters who would be chomping at the bit to rip him to pieces. But he wasn't scared of them. No, who he was scared of was Poe. Not only would he have to face Poe and beg for him to come back to the Finalizer, but he would have to tell Poe what happened. He would have to face Poe and explain to him how he had broken his promise. Anya had gotten hurt. And now she had fallen so far into the darkness, that he didn't know if it was possible to get her back. But he had to try. But what scared him the most about going on that ship was something that wouldn't be there. He was not prepared to deal with the absence of his mother. His mother had never given up on him. She always had held out such hope. However, a part of him knew that if he did see her again. He couldn't face her, not after everything he had done.

The closer he got to the ship the more he was filled with fear he was, a feeling that he hated. But he knew that there was no going back. Poe was the only person that could bring Anya back.

On the resistance ship Commander Dameron who had been demoted by General Leia down to a Captain, pouted as he had been banished from the bridge by Vice Admiral Holdo. All he was trying to do was stall in order to give Finn and Rose enough time to get onto the First Order ship and stop the First Order from being able to track the Resistance ships through hyperspeed.

"I'm just trying to save the Resistance, but she won't listen to me, she's so infuriating. Why did you put her in charge!" Poe said as he paced around the medical bay. He then turned to look at the unconscious General Leia. He sighed sadly as he kneeled down as grabbed her hand. How she had survived the bridge being blown up he would never understand, but he was incredibly grateful that she had. Leia was a mother figure to him, she always had. He admired her more than he could ever express. "What do I do? Tell me what to do?" He pleaded.

Suddenly there was a big commotion out in the hallway and Poe turned to see people running.

Quickly he got up and headed out into the hall.

"What's going on?" He asked but no one answered him.

A blonde haired girl caught his attention as she tried to walk by without being noticed. Quickly he grabbed her arm and pulled her into the med bay.

"Kaydal, what is going on, what is wrong?"

"Poe, I have to…" Kaydal started when Poe quickly pulled her in for a long kiss.

"I'm sorry for being angry with you, I know you were only trying to protect my family and the Resistance. Please." He smiled his charming smile.

Kaydal groaned as she looked at Poe. She wasn't the type of person to just give into a guy, she was far too headstrong for that. But Poe, when she was with him, she felt like she would fight across the entire galaxy for him.

"Fine," She sighed. "But you aren't going to like it."

"What is it?"

"Kylo Ren's ship was spotted, he's heading our way."

"What!" Poe growled anger fueling him. How dare Kylo even come close to this ship. "Blow his ship…" Suddenly the anger disappeared and in its place was a monstrous amount of fear. "He's in his tie fighter. You are sure he is only in a one-person fighter."

"Yes Poe," Kaydal started but Poe quickly took off running. "Poe!"

Poe didn't stop until he reached the bridge.

"Do not fire on that ship!" He screamed.

Vice Admiral Holdo rolled her eyes as the flyboy burst into the room. "What are you talking about Dameron."

"My sister is on the Finalizer!" Poe exclaimed.

"Yes, I was informed about what your sister was doing, what does this have to do with the fact that Kylo Ren is heading towards us.

Suddenly a transmission came across. "Permission to board?" Instantly Poe recognized the voice as Kylo Ren. But it didn't sound like the Kylo Ren he had been tortured by just a few months earlier. No, this voice was one that Poe had not heard in almost a decade. This was the voice of Ben Solo.

"Let him on the ship!"

"Why in the galaxy would I do that!" Holdo snapped.

"There is something wrong. He wouldn't be coming here, he wouldn't be heading for a ship filled with people whom he knows wants to kill him. Something is wrong!"

"I'm not letting Kylo Ren onto the ship!"

Poe quickly pulled his blaster out pointing it at Holdo. "I'm not asking."

The entire bridge froze as they watched.

"You wouldn't…" Holdo started raising her hands.

"My only family could be in danger, so yes… I would."

Holdo rolled her eyes as she glared at the young man and though she was incredibly angry with him, she did indeed like him. She saw the spark of the resistance, the fire that had once fueled millions of people, but now she feared only resided in a few.

"Let him on the ship." She growled causing Poe to quickly lower his blaster and race towards the loading docks.

"Let her be alive, please, let her be alive." Poe thought as he made his way down the many twists and turns of the base, not even thinking about the path because he knew it by heart.

By the time he had reached the loading docks, the Silencer was already there waiting. He skidded to a stop for a moment as he tried to compose himself. But the minute he saw Kylo Ren emerge from the ship, he lost it.

"Where is she!" He screamed as he charged as Kylo punching him in the face knocking him to his knees.

"Poe…" Kylo started again.

"Oh, so now you remember who I am!" He said kneeing Kylo in the stomach.

Ben knew he could have easily stopped Poe, all it took was a moment of his hand and he could launch Poe into the wall. But he also knew that he deserved all of this, he knew he had to take it.

"Where is she! Did you leave her on that ship just like you left her on the fucking planet! She wasn't even dead and you just left her there!" Poe said punching Kylo once more.

"I'm sorry," Ben said his face now bleeding.

Poe reached up to hit him again but stopped.

"I'm sorry," Ben repeated again.

Quickly Poe grabbed Ben by his collar and pulled him to his feet.

"What's wrong," He said softer. "Where is Anya?"

Tears welled up in Ben's eyes as he looked at the floor.

"Ben, please…" Poe pleaded preparing himself for the worst. He could have never even imagined how bad it was. But as Ben told him everything that had happened, Poe felt as though he had failed as her brother.

"I'll kill Hux, I tear him apart, I'll make him suffer…" Poe started as his hands turned to fists tears streaming down his face.

"She already did," Ben replied wiping his tears away.

"God I should have never let her go on that ship." Poe broke running his hands through his hair.

"Poe…" Ben started.

"Why didn't you protect her, why didn't you do something!" Poe screamed wanting to punch Ben again but didn't think he had the strength.

"I know I'm so sorry, I should have sent her away, I…" Ben started but he knew that nothing he said could ever be enough.

"What do we do, how do we bring her back," Poe said calming down slightly.

"I don't know, I was hoping bringing you to her might help."

Suddenly Kaydal burst into the room.

"Not now Kaydal!" Poe screamed.

"But Poe…" Kaydal started in a panic as she suddenly felt a hand grasp her shoulder.

"I said not now!" He screamed turning to look at her but freezing when he saw who was behind her. Ben stayed looking at the ground ashamed.

"Poe," The person behind Kaydal spoke and Ben thought he was dreaming. Quickly he turned to see if the voice he had just heard was real. "Could you please give me a moment alone with my son," Leia said as she stared at her son who looked more broken and distraught then she had ever seen him.

Poe nodded as he wiped his face as he left grabbing onto Kaydal's hand as he went.

"You are just going to leave him with her! Alone!" Kaydal exclaimed.

"He won't hurt her."

"Poe, Kylo killed his own father…" Kaydal started again.

"Trust me Kay, that is not Kylo Ren in that room." He said as they both left the loading dock leaving mother and son alone.

"Ben…" Leia started barely believing her eyes. She had always hoped she would physically see herself again, but she knew it was a very slim possibility.

Ben couldn't even think of what to say as he stared at his mother. He ran through that moment when he watched her die.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, instead, he just collapsed to the floor in a flood of sobs.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He cried as his mother came over to him enveloping him in a giant hug holding onto her son as if it was the only thing in the galaxy.

"Shhh," She soothed as he continued to cry.

He couldn't contain his sobs he just cried, almost as if he was a little child again, afraid of the monsters under his bed.

"Benjamin, it's alright."

"No, it's not, I… I failed you." Ben sobbed holding onto his mother tightly.

"Ben…" Leia started pushing her son backward slightly looking into his tear filled eyes.

Her heart breaking as for the first time in a long time, she saw the resemblance of Han in her son's eyes once more. "You didn't fail me, you have just been lost for a long time, but I knew that it wasn't going to be forever. Your heart has always been filled with light."

"How… how can you stand to look at me, after everything I have done, how can you still love me."

"Benjamin Owen Solo, you are my son, no matter what you do, I am never going to stop loving you. You have done some horrible things, that can't be changed, but the fact that you are here now, the fact that you came onto a ship full of people who want you dead, in order to save the woman you love, means that you are capable of being saved. In fact, I don't feel darkness in you anymore at all."

"It still calls to me," Ben said trying to compose himself.

"It calls to me too, it is never going to stop calling to you. But you just have to have enough strength to ignore it. And not give into it again."

"I don't know if I will have the strength, not without her."

"Tell me what happened." Leia insisted and then Ben told her everything.

"I don't know what to do? How do I save her?"

Leia held her hand in front her mouth tears in her eyes. But she knew she could break not in front of Ben, not as he was already so broken, she had to show him that she was strong.

"I think bringing Poe to her is a good idea, it will remind her of who she is. But also you need to be careful. She is very fragile and she has turned her grief and pain into rage. Which is the most dangerous thing? What Hux did to her, it left her feeling powerless. And now she has realized that she has this incredible power and she can make people do what she wants. Just remember how you felt, how Snoke made you feel, and how the power felt. She feels like that. Remind her that she isn't alone. That there are people who care for her." Leia said. "But please be careful."

Leia pulled her son in for a long embrace again.

"General." Poe started bursting into the room. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we have a problem on the bridge."

"Ben." Leia started but Ben already was helping her to her feet wrapping his arm around her as he helped her walk to the bridge.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"The medical frigate it's lost all of its fuel," Holdo stated.

"Are there still crew members aboard?" Ben asked and everyone turned to look at him glaring.

"They have started to evacuate, the captain is going to stay on the ship," Holdo said.

"I'm going to destroy that ship." Ben heard Anya laugh in his head.

"Anya!" Ben screamed in his head, but she was gone.

"Poe," Ben said grabbing his arm.

"What?"

"She's taking out the ship. Anya is going to destroy that ship."

"She is what! How do you know!" Poe said looked at Ben shocked.

Suddenly the captain of the medical frigate appeared in a hologram. "Everyone has been evacuated, ma'am. It has been a pleasure to serve you. Long live the Resistance!" He screamed as he was engulfed in flames and everyone looked out the window to see the ship blow up.

"One down, two left. Long live the Resistance!" Anya laughed in Ben's head once more.

"We have to go, we have to go now!" Ben exclaimed.

"She didn't that wasn't her call was it?" Poe pleaded he couldn't believe that his sister had just called for the destruction of one of the Resistance ships.

"She just said she was going to take out all of the Resistance ships," Ben whispered making sure that no one else heard him. "We have to leave. We don't have much time."

"But Finn and Rose…" Poe started.

"The Resistance has a day left of fuel. We don't have time to wait for your ex-stormtrooper to save the day. Anya is going to take out the entire Resistance, and if she does there will be no chance of saving her. Please, let's go." Ben begged.

Poe was torn, he had sent Finn and Rose out on a mission against every order he had been given, and he had promised that he would stall until they could jam the Finalizer's ability to track the Resistance's ships through he also knew that if he waited, he could lose his sister forever, and with the amount of power Ben had described that she had, if they lost her completely, the Resistance wouldn't stand a chance. Poe turned to look at General Leia, who looked at him with sad eyes.

"Go," She mouthed and Poe nodded as he and Ben took off down the hall.

"How are we going to get there, you're tie-fighter only flies one person." Poe requested.

"You're flying my Silencer." Ben insisted.

"What!"

"The First Order won't fire on my ship. You will be able to make it on without any problems."

"And what about you how are you going to get there?" Poe asked.

"I'll take an escape pod."

"I… I don't like this plan."

"Just believe me this will work. When you get on board you just stay in my ship until I get there. If I don't make it onto the ship just get out and request to see the Supreme Leader. She won't let anyone touch you."

Poe liked to take chances, he loved to take risks. But now before him was one risk that he was terrified to take.

"Do you think you can fly a tie-fighter," Ben said a slight hint of teasing in his voice.

Poe snapped out of his worried state and glared at the young man who once again was trying to make him feel like an idiot.

"I can fly anything," Poe exclaimed as he strutted towards the tie fighter.


	15. Castle

**Song for this chapter: Castle by Halsey**

* * *

"Come on Ben," Poe said as he nervously sat in the loading dock of the Finalizer waiting for Ben to arrive.

"If I don't make it onto the ship... " Poe thought about what Ben had said. What did he mean if he didn't make it on the ship? Was he anticipating that he was going to die? Or was this all a giant trap and his sister was really dead and Ben had just brought him here to torture and kill him.

Suddenly there was a tapping on the side of the ship and Poe looked down to see Ben standing next to the ship arms crossed over his chest.

Quickly Poe hopped out, standing next to Ben.

"What are we going to do?" He asked.

"She knows we are here, it's up to her, she has to make the first move.'

Poe looked around at the stormtrooper none of whom were wearing helmets, as they walked by they would glare at Poe reaching for their weapons, but the minute they say that he was with Kylo Ren they would go about their business. "So we are just going to wait here!" Poe exclaimed struggling to stop himself from grabbing his blaster.

"Master Ren," Both heard a voice say and they turned around to see Captain Phasma behind them. Poe gritted his teeth when he saw her. 'Supreme Leader Anyaest request both you and Captain Dameron's presence in the throne room."

"Thank you, Captain Phasma…" Ben started.

"General, sir, Supreme Leader has promoted me to being in charge of the entire First Order army."

"And her orders about Arkanis…" Ben started.

"We have taken out 6 major cities and we are still working on the planet, the supreme leader did pull some of our men to start working on taking out the Resistance."

Poe opened his mouth but Phasma glared at him causing him to shut it.

"Please make your way to the throne room or I am instructed to escort you there by force," Phasma stated.

"No, we will go." Ben sighed and Phasma stormed off.

"What the fuck," Poe said as he followed Ben. "They have taken out 6 cities under my sister's orders?"

"It's the planet that Hux was from," Ben said as he started towards the throne room.

"Ben, how the hell are we supposed to bring Anya back, she is trying to take out not only an entire planet but also the Resistance."

"Are you going to give up on her?" Ben asked seriously.

"No of course not!" Poe snapped back. "You don't get to talk about giving up Solo."

Ben bawled his hand up to a fist but quickly loosened it. He couldn't lose control. Every movement he made he knew Anya was watching.

"Where is Snoke?" Poe asked.

"When I left, she had made him stay in the throne room. I would imagine that he got moved to a cell or something of that nature." Ben insisted as they got into the elevator.

"Prepare me, what am I going to see when I see her Ben," Poe asked. "Will I see my sister?"

"Honestly Poe," Ben said turning to look at him. "No, you won't, but you have to remember that she is somewhere inside beneath all of the power."

As the doors opened the two men turned to find the throne room empty, except for Snoke who still sat in the exact same position that he had been sitting when Ben left.

"She is more powerful than I could ever had imagined. She will be the one to carry on Darth Vader's legacy. Who knew all it took was something to trigger her power." Snoke laughed inside Ben's head.

"You bastard!" Poe screamed as he charged at Snoke pulling out his blaster.

"Poe stop!" Ben said following after him.

"He's the one who is in charge of everything! If we take him out we can save Anya."

"There is nothing more than I want than to destroy Snoke. But we can't, by killing Snoke, it will not help bring Anya back. She isn't doing this for him, she is doing this for only herself." Ben insisted.

"She will never be brought back Ben, she isn't as weak-willed as you. She has made her choice and it is the dark." Snoke said in his head.

"Shut the fuck up!" Ben screamed turning to look at Snoke.

"What?" Poe asked seriously.

"He's in my head," Ben said putting up his shield so he couldn't hear Snoke's words.

Suddenly Poe turned to look behind Ben and froze.

"What are you…" Ben started when he also turned around to see Anya walking towards them.

Ben's jaw dropped as he watched Anya walk into the room. She was wearing a black dress with long sleeves, it cut down in the front almost to her waist. Her skirt was short in the front but long in the back and the inside of the long skirt was red and there was a red belt around her waist. Her black heels clicked against the floor the straps wrapping around her feet. Her hair was cut down to her shoulders and it was straightened

"Anya," Ben gasped.

"Hello Kylo," She said glaring at him.

"Anya, what are you…" Poe started but Anya wasn't looking at him her focus was solely on Ben.

"You left." She said as she walked up to him.

"I…"

"But guess what," She smiled. "I didn't shut down when you left, I don't need you around." She snapped.

"Anya!" Poe gasped as Ben looked down at the ground.

Anya's head snapped to look over at her brother.

"Hello, Poe." Anya said no emotion in her voice at all. "I'm sorry that Benjamin brought you here, you see his plan is flawed because I don't need saving. Look at me! I'm no longer afraid, I'm no longer the scared little girl who needs her brother or her boyfriend," She hissed at Ben. "To save her anymore."

"You took out a Resistance ship! There were good people on that ship! And you slaughter them. You are working on taking out an entire planet! This isn't you this…" Poe screamed grabbing Anya's arm

Anya quickly flung Poe backward.

"I'm evening the scales! The First Order must be controlled by a neutral mind. I don't care about the fucking Jedi and I don't care about the Sith, I just care about the power. This power can destroy and kill, but it can also save. I can protect the people I care about, which right now is you and Ben and that is it. But I can destroy everything that is going to be a danger to us. And that is the Resistance! They are trying to fight a war that they are never going to win, they are risking people's lives, killing people just because they feel like they are representing the rest of the universe. But here's the thing Poe. The rest of the universe doesn't give a shit about the Resistance. Have you not noticed that no one comes to the Resistance's rescue. No one cares!" Anya roared causing the room to shake slightly.

Neither Ben or Poe could say a word as they looked up at the girl neither one could recognize.

Ben suddenly charged at Anya placing his hands on her face turning her so she was looking him in the eyes.

"Don't do this, this isn't you, you have to fight this come back, please come back." Ben pleaded.

"I didn't go anywhere Kylo." She hissed. "This has always been in me, it just needed something to draw it out. I thought that my destiny was to rescue you and to bring you back to the light. But the light is for the week. My destiny is to control the dark." She said as she placed her hand on Ben's face and both saw the vision of their future. Or at least Anya believed they saw the same vision, Ben saw something different. What Anya saw was herself sitting on the throne ruling over the entire galaxy with Ben by her side.

Ben, however, saw himself and Anya in a room surrounded by fire. Poe lay on the ground, Ben was unsure if he was alive or not. His main focus was Anya who was staring at him.

" _You know that there is only one thing you can do, so just do it." She taunted as she walked towards Ben slowly._

" _Don't make me please." Ben pleaded._

" _It's the only choice you have, you have to protect the light." She said still taunting but there was almost a pleading tone in her voice._

 _Ben quickly pulled her in for kiss turning on his lightsaber and running it through her chest._

" _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Ben sobbed as he cradled her body._

"See, do you see what we could become, all you have to do is join me!" Anya insisted.

Ben looked at Anya up and down once more before he pulled her in for a long kiss.

Anya smiled as Ben kissed her as she wrapped her legs around his waist so he was holding her off the ground.

Poe lay gritting his teeth as he watched the screen before him. Ben had betrayed him, again.

Suddenly General Phasma came into the room with two men who were handcuffed.

"Ma'am," She started causing Anya to break the kiss and turn to look at her. "The men you requested."

"Ah, yes!" Anya said as she hopped out of Ben's arms. "Perfect. And did you bring what I asked for."

Phasma nodded as she threw Anya the lightsaber.

"Here, this is for you." Anya said as she handed Ben his crossguard lightsaber. "I had one specially made for me." She said as she got the lightsaber out from her belt. It was all black, and thinner than Ben's. "Bring them here, and then take my brother to a holding cell." Anya instructed.

"What no! Ben!" Poe screamed as Phasma started towards him.

"Don't fight her Dameron or she will hurt you," Ben said as he turned back to Anya smiling.

"No!"

"These two were caught selling weapons to both the First Order and the Resistance, as Supreme Leader I declare that your punishment is death." Anya said and Poe watched as both Anya and Ben lit their sabers and sliced the two men in half.

Anya and Ben spent the entire day together. Ben trailing after Anya wherever she went Later that evening Ben and Anya had made their way back to their room.

"Anya," Ben started when they entered the room. Anya quickly threw him back into the wall pinning his hands above his head.

"You have been very bad Master Ren." Anya growled as she charged at him slamming her lips onto his, ripping his shirt open

When Ben was certain Anya was asleep he made his way out of the room, down to the holding cells. Before he even reached the door he could hear Poe screaming.

"You fucking bastard! I believed in you!" As the door opened and Poe saw Ben standing there once more he quickly charged at him.

"Stop," Ben said freezing Poe in his tracks. "I know you are angry, I know you think I betrayed you. But I didn't I just had to make Anya believe that I would stand with her. She has to think I'm on her side, it's the only way…" Ben started his voice cracking and when it cracked his hold on Poe broke.

Poe just looked at Ben and instantly he believed him. He knew he shouldn't, he knew that Ben was a master of deception and could easily just be lying to him, and while every part of Poe's being told him not to believe the dark haired man before him, he also saw the young boy he once knew, the one who was scared and afraid, and broken.

"You didn't see the same vision as she did, did you?" Poe asked causing Ben to let out almost a whimper. "What did you see Ben?"

"I…" Ben started looking at the floor. "I kill her."

"You what!" Poe exclaimed.

"She told me it was the only way, it was almost like she was begging me to," Ben said wiping his face before any tears could fall.

"It's not certain that it will happen is it," Poe begged. "She had a different vision, that means that the visions don't come true."

"I had a vision, with Rey, Anya wasn't there," Ben said his voice cracking. "I don't know what to do."

Poe looked at Ben and fear set in. The great Kylo Ren was terrified of Anya.

"She's so far lost, but I can't give up on her, but I thought bringing you here would remind her…" Ben said still unable to look at Poe. "But she's not the same, the power is all she can see. When she looked at me or when she looked at you, she didn't look at us like she loved us, she looked at us like we were her property."

"I know," Poe said running through thoughts in his mind of what they could do. But the only solution that he could think about was when solution he could never bring himself to say.

"She says she is just trying to protect us, but she is using protection as an excuse to destroy and kill anyone she finds a threat." Ben continued.

"What about General Leia, she has always been like a mother to Anya and me, she could talk some sense into her."

"How do you plan we have them meet. Anya thinks that my mother is dead, and I would like to keep it that way, how she hasn't figured out that she's alive I don't know. But we cannot have them meet. If we bring Anya to the Resistance she will kill everyone. If we bring my mother here, not even Anya will be able to stop the stormtroopers from killing her." Ben snapped finally looking up at Poe the two men locking eyes.

The minute Poe looked into Ben's eyes, he knew what they had to do.

"Fuck," Poe gasped as he sat down on the side of the metal bench running his hands through his hair.

"What?"

"We only have one option, Ben." Poe broke.

"No," Ben said.

"You just spend the last few minutes talking about how she can't be saved. You have been trying to convince yourself to do it haven't you?" Poe asked looking up at Ben but Ben quickly looked down at the floor.

"I want there to be another way I want to be able to save her…" Ben started crying.

"But there isn't another way. My entire life I have spent protecting my sister, but Ben, that's not my sister anymore that's not Anya."

"I know," Ben said as he leaned up against the wall.

"I would love to say that we have another choice and that maybe she will get better, but there are thousands if not millions of people's lives at stakes Ben," Poe said tears falling down his face. "Being the good guy means understanding that your happiness is not the most important thing."

"If she would have never tried to save me, none of this would have happened." Ben sobbed.

"Ben, I tried to talk her out of it, everyone tried to talk her out of it. She wasn't going to give up. She loved you, Ben, she wouldn't trade saving you for anything. But you can't let her sacrifice go to waste. You have to stay good."

"I'm giving up on her, how can I claim to be good."

"You aren't giving up, Ben," Poe said his words almost turning into sobs. "You are letting her go, we both are."

The two men took a moment to just let each other cry. Before Poe stood up wiping his face.

"If you can't, I…" Poe started.

"No, I will do it, I have to be the one to do it, I'm the cause of all of this."

"Ben," Poe started.

"Let's go." Ben started as both he and Poe made their way out into the hall.

"How are you planning on doing this?" Poe whispered as they made there way past stormtroopers.

"There is only one time that we are even going to be able to do it, and that's now." Ben insisted as he turned to a stormtrooper. "Give me your blaster." He commanded and the trooper did as he was told.

"You mean you are going to kill her in her sleep!" Poe exclaimed causing Ben to wince.

"We don't have another choice. She is far too powerful when she is awake." Ben could barely believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. He felt so numb. He couldn't believe that he was going to kill Anya, the woman that he would have destroyed an entire universe for. Now he was going to kill her in her sleep just as Luke had tried to do to him so many years ago. His rage towards Luke welled up inside him again.

"Why do we need a blaster," Poe asked snapping Ben out of his thoughts.

"If I fail, you have to be the one to…" Ben started.

"Yeah, I got it," Poe said as he grabbed the blaster from Ben's hands. "Ben, what do we do… after."

"I'll figure that out later," Ben said trying to mentally prepare himself. However, all he could think of was Anya before. Her smile, her laugh, how her kiss tasted, how it felt to hold her, and how she said his name.

As they stopped in front of the door to the room, Ben looked at Poe.

"I'm sorry. I don't think there are ever going to be enough words to express how sorry I am."

Poe just nodded not saying a word as the two men made their way into the room. The minute they were in, Ben threw out his hand expecting his crossguard saber, however, his old Jedi saber flew instead.

"Of course." Ben thought as he gulped gripping the hilt tightly.

He looked over at the girl he loved lying asleep and he wanted nothing more than to climb back into bed with her and hope that when he woke up that all of this would have been a dream, and life would be back to normal. But he remembered the vision.

" _You have to protect the light."_ He could hear Anya's voice say.

"God, I love you so much." Ben thought as he walked over to her side of the bed. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you." He said as he lit the saber.

Ben prepared to strike but he stopped. He could stop playing her words over in his head.

" _I love you,"_

Ben closed his eyes and when he opened his eyes he found Anya staring back at him with the same hurt and betrayal he had looked at Luke with.

"Anya…" Ben started when she suddenly threw him back into the wall.

"How could you! After what Luke did!" She screamed as she lifted him up choking him. "After everything I have done for you!"

"Anya stop!" Ben tried to choke out.

Suddenly the sound of a blaster went off behind Anya and she quickly turned around stopping the beam right before it hit her.

"Poe," She screamed. "You are in on this too."

"Anya you aren't you, General Leia is still alive, you have to stop your attack on the…" Poe started tears streaming down his face when Anya threw him back into the wall.

"Supreme Leader," Phasma started as she burst into the room. "I…" She looked around the room taking in the scene before her. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, what is going on?" Anya asked as she threw Ben to the floor.

"The girl, the one FN-2187, rescued from Jakku…"

"Rey?" Poe asked but Anya threw him back again.

"What about her." Anya growled.

"She is on the ship."

"What!" All three exclaimed.

"She flew to the ship, she is being held by some of the men in the loading dock." Phasma continued.

Anya started laughing causing Ben, Poe, and Phasma to look at her concerned.

"This is perfect!" She exclaimed as she brought Ben and Poe to their feet. "You're little Force friend is here Benjamin." She taunted. "Nice work General Phasma, please take her to the throne room, I'll be waiting for her there."

Phasma nodded quickly leaving the room.

"Well, this is going to be fun." Anya laughed again as she made her way towards the throne room dragging Poe and Ben behind her.


	16. Walk On Water

**Song for this chapter: Walk on Water by Thirty Seconds to Mars**

* * *

"Anya you don't have to do this," Ben begged as Poe, Ben, and Anya made their way to the throne room, Anya dragging Ben and Poe behind her.

Anya quickly turned around slamming Ben to the ground. "You don't get to talk to me you piece of shit!" She said the hurt that had been in her eyes earlier was now replaced with pure rage. "I trusted you! I sacrificed everything for you! Snoke told me that you would betray me." She scoffed under her breath.

"What you are listening to Snoke now!" Poe snapped back.

"No, I…" Anya started trying to think of the words to say. In response, she just slammed Poe into the ground as well. "You two no longer get to speak." She screamed causing both Ben's and Poe's mouths to slam shut.

When they had reached the throne room Anya threw Ben and Poe across the room. Ben skidding to a stop right in front of Snoke who looked down at him with a wicked smile.

"You are losing her Benjamin!" Snoke laughed wickedly in Ben's head. "Now she's mine."

Ben stood up reaching for his lightsaber, but he was quickly stopped by Anya dragging him to the throne and making both Poe and him kneel next to the throne as she sat down.

"I'm going to kill Rey, right in front of your eyes, Ben. And then I'm going to track down Luke Skywalker and kill him too. Effectively I will be destroying the Resistance and the Jedi Order." She laughed.

Snoke chuckled slightly causing Anya to turn and look at him glaring.

Quickly she threw out her hand causing Snoke to fly to her hand, her hand wrapping around his neck.

"Then once I am done with the Jedi, I'm going after the Sith Order and destroy that, and first that is going to start with you." She snapped. "And I am going to kill you in a more painful way than what I did to your precious Armitage Hux."

She dropped Snoke and he collapsed gasping for breath.

"What about your precious Benjamin!" Snoke growled. "He is the Sith."

Anya gritted her teeth as she turned to look at Ben.

"You won't be able to kill him, you still have compassion for him. That compassion will be your downfall! You have to kill him. You have to kill your brother!" Snoke screamed.

"Stop it!" Anya screamed as she reached for her lightsaber lighting it.

"Ma'am!" A voice called and everyone turned to see Phasma and Rey standing in the doorway.

A twisted smile spread across Anya's face as she turned off her saber turning towards Rey.

"Thank you General, you are free to go." Anya laughed as she dragged Rey forward. "Well, Rey, I have heard so much about you." She laughed as she tore the lightsaber from Phasma's hands catching it. "Luke's, I should have guessed."

Rey looked shocked as she looked at Snoke and Anya.

"Oh I'm sorry, are you still catching up." Anya sneered. "I'll help you. Snoke is no longer the Supreme Leader, General Hux is dead, and Ben Solo doesn't need saving, so I'm sorry if you thought otherwise but you coming to his rescue was pointless."

"I…" Rey started looking at Ben.

Anya noticed the look and angrily she threw Rey back levitating her in the air.

"Tell me where Skywalker is!" She said causing Rey to scream.

The entire time that Anya was breaking Rey's mind for information, Ben was working on building up his shield strong enough that he could break through her power.

Anya laughed as she dropped Rey to the floor. "He's there! God, he is so annoyingly predictable." She grabbed the lightsaber heading over to the glass revealing the Resistance ships fleeing and the First Order destroying the getaway ships. "Soon there will no longer be a Resistance and then I will go to Ahch-To and I will kill Luke Skywalker with the same lightsaber that I am going to kill you with." Anya was about to the turn on the lightsaber when suddenly it was ripped from her hands.

"Stop!" Ben screamed as he caught the saber.

"How did you…" Anya started.

"You aren't as strong as you think you are Anya. Now listen to me, you cannot keep firing on the Resistance ships."

"Oh you want to talk things out now, you don't just want to try to kill me in my sleep." She screamed.

"General Leia is on that ship!" Poe said as Anya's focus on Ben's had let her hold on Poe slip.

"General Leia is dead."

"No, I thought the same thing, but she isn't. She survived." Ben pleaded as he got up and walked towards Anya.

Anya was visibly shaking she felt like she was unraveling. "Liar!" She screamed as she threw Ben backward.

"Do what needs to be done!" Snoke screamed inside her head.

Anya screamed as she collapsed to her knees Ben and Poe quickly running towards her as Rey looked at her confused.

"Anya." Ben pleaded placing a hand on her shoulder. But the minute he did so, they both saw a vision of Ben killing Anya then leaving with Rey.

Anya stopped screaming and just looked up at Ben glaring.

"Anya." Ben started again but Anya quickly stood up

"Guards," She said and all the guards turned to look at her weapons at the ready. "Kill all three of them." She growled as she slammed Ben, Poe, and Rey into the floor as she walked to the throne the guards charging at them.

"Ben?" Rey asked concerned as Ben threw her the lightsaber as he brought out his own.

They looked at each other for a moment before they turned back to back and began to fight the guards. Poe still had his blaster and was working on trying to take out the guards with that.

Anya just sat gripping the armrests of the throne. She watched as the guards were defeated by the three of them. Anger built up inside of her as she stood up.

"You are members of the Praetorian Guard how are you being beaten by a pilot, a nobody from Jakku and a frightened boy!" She screamed as she grabbed her lightsaber and charged into the action.

"Anya don't!" Ben started as two guards came after him. Anya's focus wasn't on Ben or her brother it was on the girl. The one who had caught Ben's attention.

"You!" She screamed as she lunged at Rey their two sabers clashing. "Why you!"

Rey pushed towards her causing sparks to fly from their sabers.

"There is nothing special about you! You are a nobody and a nothing!" Anya screamed and Rey dropped to the ground kicking Anya's legs out from under her sending her onto her back.

"Fuck!" She screamed out in anger as she sliced her lightsaber across Rey's arm causing Rey to scream.

"Anya" Ben called pulling her back so she was now facing him.

"Are you protecting her! Are you protecting your pretty little scavenger." Anya screamed in Ben's face. "The scavenger and the prince how romantic!" She spat lunging at Ben but he quickly threw his hand out pushing her back but she did the same pushing him back, the two forces causing the two to fly backward.

When Anya got up to her feet she looked around and saw that all of the guards were now dead and that it was just her, her brother, Rey and Ben with Snoke still sitting just watching everything unfold.

"I could easily kill all three of you. All it would take was a wave of my hand and I could crush you all into nothing!" Anya screamed. "But where would the fun in that be." She said lighting her saber once more as she charged at her brother this time.

"Anya stop!" Poe screamed as he fired the blaster slicing Anya across her side just barely but enough that it threw her off guard sending her to her knees.

"Shit!" She cried again placing her hand on her side pulling it back to reveal a slight hint of blood. Her head snapped up to look at her brother again.

"I'm sorry," He pleaded as she charged at him again.

Rey this time got in the way.

"Why are you doing this, what happened." Rey pleaded but Anya just charged at her lightsaber drawn.

"He is going to choose you!" Anya screamed.

She went to stab Rey but she was suddenly frozen in her tracks.

"You are losing your grip Anya please I know your hurt but you have to let me help you. I'm not going to pick Rey over you I promise." Ben pleaded with her.

"I don't need help!" Anya screamed shaking the entire Finalizer. "I am more fine now than I have ever been."

Quickly she charged at Rey again but Rey quickly jumped out of the way sending the beam straight into the stomach of the person behind her.

Anya wasn't even phased as she sliced the saber deeper grabbing onto the person and pulling them into her before she turned off the saber and let the body drop to the floor before she turned around to find a stunned Ben and Rey staring back at her.

It wasn't until she could hear Snoke's laugher that the weight of what she had just done hit her.

"No," She mouthed as she slowly turned around to find her brother lying on the floor.

She let out a loud gut wrenching scream as she fell to her knees, the power of her scream shaking the ship once more.

At the exact same moment that her knees hit the cold floor, Vice Admiral Holdo flew the Resistance ship at lightspeed through the Finalizer splitting it in two.


	17. Meet Me on the Battlefield

**Song for this chapter: Meet me on the Battlefield by SVRCINA**

* * *

Ben woke up with a groan, the collision of the two ships had sent everyone flying and had knocked Ben out. He looked around the room trying to compose his thoughts for a moment, fires were burning all around the room and the bodies of the fallen guards were sprawled everywhere. The two absences that he did notice were Snoke was missing and so was Anya. His eyes quickly landed, however, on Rey who was kneeling next to Poe's body.

"He's alive!" She gasped. "But barely, we have to get him off of this ship?"

"Where did Anya go?" Ben pleaded as he checked the room again but she wasn't there.

"I don't know, Ben please you have to come with me."

"I can't leave her." Ben insisted.

"What about Poe?" She asked.

Ben hesitated for a moment before he looked at Rey seriously.

"There's an escape pod in the throne room, you can take him and get back to the Resistance." He said as he picked up Poe walking with Rey behind the throne.

"What about Snoke?" Rey asked as she loaded Poe into the escape pod.

"I… I don't know," Ben said. "Right now you just need to focus on helping the Resistance, if Phasma is still alive she is going to go after the Resistance, they won't stand a chance."

"Ben you need to be there too, you won't make it off of this ship!" Rey pleaded.

"I have to find Anya, I can't leave her, not again," Ben said.

Rey looked at Ben sadly, but a part of her knew that he was going to be alright. She could feel the light in him.

She reached her hand out for his which he took. "May the force be with you." She said and he just nodded tears welling up in his eyes.

Rey then shut the door to the escape pod as it jettisoned out. Looking back she could see the silhouette of Ben running away.

"Where is she?" Ben thought as he ran out into the hallway. He tried to focus his energy on her but when he did he was hit with a massive wave of grief, so strong it stopped him in his tracks. He gasped for air as he looked around trying to figure out where she had went.

Suddenly the whole ship shook again and he could hear a scream echoing in the distance.

"Anya!" He screamed as he took off towards where he thought the sound was coming.

The closer he got to the sound the stronger the feeling of grief got. When it had finally reached a level to which Ben didn't know if he could stand it, he turned to see that he was standing in front of his bedroom door, or what was left of the bedroom door as it had been split in two with a saber blade. Through the half door, he could see that the room was destroyed furniture was flipped over, there were burn marks all over the wall. He could smell the burning of the sheets on the bed as well. But his eyes were quickly drawn away from all the destruction when he saw Anya kneeling on the floor the lightsaber pointed at her chest.

"Anya!" Ben screamed as he burst through the door.

"Don't," Anya sobbed as she froze him in his tracks. "I have to do this, I have to… it will be better for everyone." She sobbed harder breaking the hold on Ben.

"No, it won't Anya I need you." Ben pleaded as he knelt down next to her.

"No you don't, no one does not after everything I have done." Her hands were shaking as she held onto the lightsaber she had had custom made.

"Anya, please don't do this,"

"I killed him, Ben, I killed my brother." She sobbed leaning forward enough that Ben reached in and grabbed the saber from her.

"No, you didn't. He's alive, Rey's taking him back to the Resistance."

"The resistance…" Anya started. "There isn't going to be a Resistance anymore, I have already killed most of them and I gave Phasma the orders to finish everyone off."

"Then let's go, let's get out of here we can help stop that from happening, together."

"Ben I can't leave, I can't do this anymore, everything that I have done." She sobbed.

"Anya I know how awful that feeling of guilt is, believe me, I know, but the fact that you feel that guilt means that you are good."

"I'm not good, how can you say that I am good, after everything that I said to you."

"That wasn't…" Ben started.

"Yes, that was me! I wasn't controlled by the power I wasn't controlled by Snoke it was all me. I chose to kill all of those people, I chose to say those horrible horrible things to you. I loved the power I loved the ability to make people afraid."

"Anya…"

"No!" Anya cried as she stood up. "I can't...I can't live with this."

"You can't kill yourself," Ben said standing up as well, the lightsaber still in his hand.

"Then you do it." She looks at him pleading.

Ben stumbled backward looking at her with tears in his eyes. "No."

"You know that it is the only thing that we can do, so just do it." She said and Ben was immediately reminded of his vision.

"Don't make me please," Ben begged.

"It's the only choice we have, we have to protect the light. I am the biggest danger to the light and good."

"I won't," Ben said.

"Ben, the amount of power that I have is uncontrollable, if I snap again there will be no bringing me back. I could kill more people or worse I could kill you." Anya sobbed. "Please."

"Anya," Ben said tears streaming down his face.

"You have seen this vision, haven't you. You have seen you killing me haven't you."

Ben nodded sadly.

"Then you know that it is the only way. The Force is telling you to do it so do it!" She screamed as she charged at him. "Please." She said as she placed the end of the lightsaber to her chest.

"No!" Ben screamed as he threw the lightsaber to the side grabbing Anya by her shoulders. "Giving up and killing yourself will not help anyone! You have to fight, you have to help people, you have to become better. I became better for you, I found for you. Please fight for me. I cannot lose you, I won't lose you. So I don't give a fuck what the Force says is your future or my future. I couldn't kill you when you were at your worst. Do you really think I could kill you now!"

"Ben," Anya sobbed.

"I know you are hurt I know that things got so fucked up so fast. But please just let me help you and we can get through this together." Ben slowly placed his hand on her cheek and the minute their skin made contact, Anya was flooded with the memories of the good times with Ben. The first time they kissed, the first time they trained together, the first time they slept together.

Anya let out a loud sob as she collapsed into Ben's arms.

"I"m sorry, I'm so sorry." She sobbed as Ben enveloped her in his arms.

"I love you." Ben cried as he kissed the side of her head.

"Help me, please, help me get better." She begged.

"Of course I will, I'm going to be by your side til the end." He said as he leaned in to kiss her placing his hand on her waist causing her to wince. "What?" He said as he pulled his hand away to reveal blood. "Fuck Anya we need to…" He started panicked.

"We don't have time. We need to go," She said as she grabbed his hand and they ran down the hallway towards the loading dock. When they got there however they found that it was destroyed almost no ships were left.

"Shit," Anya said as she looked around. Her eyes spotted a lone Tie-Fighter. "There," She said pointing it out.

Ben turned to look where Anya was pointing. "Anya that's a Tie-Fighter, it only flies one person," Ben said seriously.

"Yeah, and you are taking it!" Anya insisted.

"What?" Ben said turning to look at Anya.

"Ben you need to get off of this ship. It's the only way that the Resistance is going to survive."

"No, I literally just said I would be by your side." Ben insisted.

"There is only one ship Ben, We don't have time to argue!"

"I'm not leaving you here."

"Ben, I have time, I will find a way back to you. The Resistance needs you now! Please go." Anya begged.

Ben looked at her for a moment before he pulled her in for a long kiss.

"Every time we are separated something bad happens." He said as he broke from the kiss.

Anya sighed as she leaned her forehead on his.

"No matter what happens you promise me that you will stay on the side of the light. Snoke is still out there probably hunting down Luke as we speak. If Snoke survives he's going to come after you again. You have to be strong enough even without me."

"Anya I'm not doing this without you."

"Ben don't," Anya sighed. "I will be with you even if I'm not and you know that. I'm not saying this is goodbye, it's just a bump in the road. Now you have to go."

Ben quickly wrapped his arm around her noninjured side pulling her in for a long kiss again.

"You do everything you can to get your way back to me," Ben said leaning his forehead on hers once more.

"Ben you need to go!" Anya insisted as she pushed him back. Ben loaded into the ship looking back at Anya. "I've always hated watching you leave." She sighed tears in her eyes.

As Ben blasted off Anya let the pain from her side finally hit her as she collapsed to her knees.

She stayed there for a moment refusing to use her power to heal herself.

"Ma'am," she heard a voice say and she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"How the fuck…" Anya thought as she turned to see a burned and bruised Phasma.

"Are you alright ma'am what happened?" Phasma asked.

"They got away, they all got away, they attacked me. What happened to you?" Anya insisted trying her best to put on the role of the Supreme Leader once more.

"FN 2187 is stronger than I imagined, we fought, he got the upper hand and he got away. I'm very sorry, I will accept whatever punishment you deem fit." Phasma sighed kneeling down ready to face her punishment.

"We will deal with that later. What is being done about the Resistance?"

"They are on the planet Crait, we already have people there ready to attack."

"I want to go down there, onto the planet." Anya insisted.

"Ma'am you are injured, I don't know if…" Phasma started.

"I'm not negotiating this, I'm going down there." Anya snapped.

"We have a few ships that are still operable I will have one prepared and ready to go, but ma'am you really need to get your side fixed."

"I'm fine!" Anya roared. "I want to get on that planet, now!"

"On it ma'am," Phasma stated as she went off to go get a ship.

Anya hated the fact that she still had to pretend to be the Supreme Leader, but she knew that if she was going to help the Resistance, she had to play the part.

"Anya are you ok?" She could hear Ben's voice in her head.

She couldn't respond, she couldn't bring herself to use the Force, not again, she had to completely cut herself off of that world. She couldn't risk falling into the darkness again.

"I can read your thoughts even if you aren't trying to communicate with me. You are not going to fall into the dark again. I'm not going to let you." Ben insisted.

"Ma'am, we have a ship ready," Phasma stated.

"Anya please don't do anything to get yourself hurt. Just make your way back to me."

"Alright, let's go." Anya said turning towards Phasma once more.

It only took them but a moment to get down to the planet's service by the time they had gotten there the fight had already begun.

"The Resistance is bunkered down within the cave. We are bringing in one of the cannons to break the wall."

Anya fought back the urge to stop the attack, but she knew the only way she was going to help the Resistance is if she still had the First Order's trust.

"Good," Anya responded as she watched the Resistance flew out in hunks of junk

"Please tell me you aren't in one of those?" She thought hoping that Ben was listening but she got no response.

She watched as the scene unfolded. She could see the speeders fighting against the First Order fleet. Suddenly a luxury yacht flew into the First's Order's range firing on the First Order.

General Leia couldn't believe her eyes as she saw the ship fly in. It was a ship that she hadn't seen since Ben was born.

"I heard the distress call. Sorry, I'm late." She heard the smug voice of Lando Calrissian come through the transmission causing her to smile.

"Ma'am, should we focus our forces on the yacht? Or…" One of the crew heads on the First Order ship asked Anya.

"I…" Anya started.

"Focus on the speeders that are heading towards the beam?"

Anya watched as the speeders flew towards the beam of the canon that was about to hit the wall splitting it open.

While all the other speeders broke off one kept heading towards the beam. Even the yacht had flown off.

"Ben, tell me that's not you." Anya pleaded in her head.

The closer and closer that the speeder got towards the beam the more nervous Anya got.

"Ben, please."

"Ma'am we are ready to fire," Phasma said but Anya couldn't hear her, her focus was only on the speeder which still was heading dangerously close to the beam.

"Ben!" Anya screamed in her head.

The beam was fully loaded and ready to fire.

"Stop!" Anya screamed out loud as another ship blocked the other ship just in time as the beam blasted out.

The front of the barricade now showed a giant hole.

"Ma'am? What do you want us to do now? Shall we go in after them, they have nowhere to run."

"We…" Anya started when suddenly she felt a presence.

Both her and Ben turned to the side as they felt the presence of Luke Skywalker.

"Luke…" Leia said.

Ben and Anya felt rage build up inside of them.

"Leia," Luke smiled sadly then he turned to look towards Ben. "Ben."

Ben wanted so badly to scream at him to yell and fight. But as Luke made his way over to Leia, Ben's anger subsided.

"I know what you are going to say," Leia started. "I changed my hair." She smiled causing Luke and Ben to laugh.

Luke leaned forward kissing Leia's forehead before he turned to look at Ben.

"Ben, I am so sorry. I know you blame me for everything that has happened. And you have every right to. But I never was doing it out of malice or anger, it was purely a decision made out of fear. And now I know that if I had just believed in you if I had just taught you and made sure that you didn't feel abandoned, Snoke's hold on you wouldn't have mattered because you would have had someone who believed there was good in you."

"I did have someone who believed there was good in me, but that wasn't enough. I was so far gone by that night, seeing you only triggered my turn, I would have turned no matter what."

As Uncle and Nephew faced each other, neither one saying a word, the last 6 years that had been filled with such disdain and distrust between the two, seemed to be washed away.

"How do I help her. How do we rescue her? I feel like I just got her back and now she is gone again?" The padawan asked his master seeking his guidance once more.

"No one is ever really gone." Luke sighed as he walked towards the break in the wall.

No one said a word as he walked out onto the battlefield.

"Are we just going to let him go out there and get slaughtered?" Someone asked.

"What is he doing?" Another piped in.

"He's giving us time to find a way out." Leia smiled sadly.

Back on the First Order ship, Anya watched with clenched teeth as she watched her old master walk out of the bunker.

"Ma'am?" Phasma asked.

"I'm going down there, no one does anything until I give the ok, is that understood!" Anya screamed.

Everyone saluted and Anya made her way down onto the sandy service of the planet.

"Luke," Anya sighed once she faced him.

"Anya, what are you doing?" Luke sighed sadly.

"I have…" Anya voice was cracking but she knew she couldn't break down. The First Order would have her head if she did. "I have to, it's the only way I can make sure to keep the Resistance safe is if I pretend to still be in charge of the First Order."

"Is that it, or do you not want to face what you have done," Luke said knowing what was really going on in the young woman's heart.

"I almost killed my brother. He's barely hanging on. I slaughtered hundreds of people without one moment of hesitation. How do I live with that?" Anya said trying her hardest not to break.

"Your realization does not have to be an ending for you Anya, it can be a beginning. You can use your connection to the Force to help people, to do good, just like I taught you."

"No, I won't even use the Force again, I need to distance myself as far from it as I can. I can't risk going dark again."

Luke sighed as he looked at the once powerful girl he had trained and now found a frightened young girl.

"We can't stand here forever, the First Order is going to get suspicious. They aren't going to let both of us leave, and I can't kill you."

Both stood in silence for a moment before Luke thought of an idea.

"That just might work?" Anya said out loud as Luke communicated the plan through the Force.

Meanwhile Ben and what was left of the Resistance had made their way towards the end of the tunnel, on the other side, Rey was waiting with the millennium falcon ready. He was about to start to move the rocks when suddenly he felt a change in Anya's energy.

"Ben," Leia asked but he was already focusing all of his energy on Anya.

"I'm sorry Ben." Ben heard Anya say when suddenly she charged at Luke lightsaber on.

"Anya what are you doing?" Ben asked as he watched Luke dodge Anya's strikes.

"You don't have to do this?" Luke insisted.

"Everything that has happened is your fault!" Anya screamed charging at Luke once more.

"I'm sorry Ben." Ben heard Luke say as he lunged forward plunging his lightsaber through Anya's stomach.

"No!" Ben screamed shattering all of the rocks turning them into dust.


	18. In My Veins

**Song for this chapter: In my Veins by Andrew Bell**

* * *

Ben started to run back into the cave screaming when Leia lightly grabbed his arm. "Ben,"

"I can't leave her, I need to go get her!" He screamed sobbing.

"We can't, I'm so sorry, we have to leave now." Leia pleaded.

"No, she… I… I just got her back."

"Ben," Rey said looking at him sadly holding out her hand. "We will come back for her as soon as the First Order clears out."

Ben broke. "I'm sorry Anya," He thought as he grabbed onto Rey's hand as he and what was left on the Resistance loaded onto the Millenium Falcon.

The minute that he got on the Falcon he broke away from everyone else sitting in his spot, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Ben," Rey started again inching towards him.

"Don't!" Ben growled glaring up at her. However, when he looked up at her, he saw Poe laying behind her medics working on him as fast as they could and a blonde haired women kneeling next to him. "How is he?" He asked wiping his face.

"They don't know yet, right now he's stable but they aren't sure how long they can help him without the proper equipment." Rey sighed sitting next to him. "I'm sorry about Anya."

"I just don't understand what happened. Why would Luke…" Ben started feeling the rage build up inside of him when he thought of Luke. "She was good, she was back to being herself why…" Ben broke down again. As Chewie took off flying everyone just took a moment to assess the fact that the entire Resistance could fit on the Millenium Falcon. Most of them were hurt and tired. None were more tired that General Leia and as she watched her son breaking she feared she would lose him once again.

"General Leia," Finn said as he walked up to her, he had just tucked in the injured Rose near Poe. "What are we going to do now?"

"I…" Leia hesitated looking at the young man who had come to her for some wisdom, some hope. But at that moment, Leia felt no hope, she couldn't feel the fire anymore.

Suddenly Chewie let out a growl requesting that Leia come to the cockpit.

"Give me one moment Finn." She smiled and Finn nodded as he went back to attending to Rose. "Chewie?" Leia asked as she entered the cockpit and she was quickly handed a headset. "This is General Leia?"

"Hello Princess." She heard a charming voice say.

"Lando!" General Leia smiled. "And it's General to you."

Lando laughed. "I called to lend an invitation to you and the Resistance to come stay in Cloud City for as long as you need."

General Leia hesitated remembering the last time she had been to Cloud City.

"I promise that there is no army waiting for you." Lando laughed causing Leia to laugh.

"That would be wonderful Lando, thank you."

"Plus I would love to catch up with you and Han."

Leia felt her heart shatter, she had forgotten how long it had been since she had spoken to Lando.

* * *

Meanwhile back with the First Order. Phasma was still in absolute shock, she had just witnessed the Supreme Leader slaughtered by Luke Skywalker. She could still see Anya's lifeless form laying on the sand, however, Skywalker had disappeared.

"Ma'am… what do we do?" One of the stormtroopers asked looking towards General Phasma.

"We need to go after the Resistance, don't worry about Anya, our focus has to be on the Resistance."

Everyone nodded as they stormed onto the planet's surface and into the base only to find it empty and the Resistance gone.

"Fuck!" Phasma roared causing the stormtroopers around her to jump.

"What do we do now?" One of them had the guts to ask.

"Get back on the ships, they can't have gone far, they are wounded and there are only a few of them left. We are winning, the Resistance won't last through the week." Phasma growled.

Everyone had started to work their way out of the base leaving Phasma alone.

She was leaning up against one of the communication boards gripping it as hard as she could. She couldn't help but feel completely and utterly betrayed. Phasma had thought that Anya would bring a real change to the First Order, she thought that Anya would be the one to get rid of the Skywalker reign. Phasma hated that all the First Order ever cared about was the Skywalker's and the Force instead of focusing on the war that they were fighting. She had believed that Anya, though she had the Force, was not going to make everything about the Force. She was going to be the ruthless one, who would take out the Resistance without emotions getting in the way.

Phasma had watched how the Resistance had continuously gotten away and had continuously outsmarted the First Order even though the First Order outnumbered them 1000 to 1. All because both Snoke and Kylo Ren were so emotionally driven.

"General Phasma!" She heard a voice call pulling her out of her thoughts.

"What!" She growled.

"We have a problem…" The stormtrooper started. "Anya… she's gone."

"Fuck," Phasma sighed kicking the communication table.

* * *

Back on the Millenium Falcon Ben sat staring at the floor. He felt so numb. He could feel anything, he wasn't angry, he wasn't sad he was just numb. He kept replaying Anya getting stabbed over and over again in his mind. He shouldn't have left her. He shouldn't have left her six years ago, he shouldn't have left her on the First Order ship, and he shouldn't have left her body on Crait. He had thought the pain he felt six years ago when he thought she had died to first time was the worst that he could ever experience. But he was wrong. Nothing could have prepared him for losing her again. Not after everything they had been through, not after knowing that she loved him just as much as he loved her. Before she had saved him, this amount of grief would have caused him to slaughter hundreds of people just to replace the grief with rage. But now, he couldn't imagine harming anyone. He knew that he had to be good. She had died saving him. He couldn't let that sacrifice go to waste.

"I will be with you even when I'm not." He could hear her words but instead of bringing comfort they just brought another wave of grief to flood over Ben had he leaned his head on his knees.

Leia came back out taking in the scene before her. Poe was injured, close to death, he was being tended by Kaydal. Rose, also injured, was being tended by Finn. Ben sat on the couch just staring at the floor Rey next to him. Leia could count the number of Resistance members that were still alive on her hands. She had felt Luke's energy fade away and she knew. Everything felt like it was falling apart.

"I know everyone is scared." She said getting everyone's attention. "I know we are all hurt and we are all tired. We have been through a lot these past few weeks, especially the past few days. We've lost people we cared about." She started looking directly at Ben who looked up at her with sad eyes. "But this is not the end. The Resistance still stands. Hope still survives. We will come back. The First Order is weak and broken. They have lost two of their leaders in a short amount of time. They are cracking. We have been invited to stay with a friend of mine in Cloud City. This will give us enough time to mend and heal, and mourn. We will honor those we lost, but we cannot mourn forever. They would not want that. They would want us to fight. Fight for the good and for the light. Fight for those who cannot stand with us, those who are oppressed and those who are lost. We are a beacon of hope in a time full of darkness, and as long as there is someone who believes in our cause the beacon will never burn out." Leia said.

For a moment no one said anything, they just looked around at each other.

Finally, Finn stood up turning to look at General Leia. "Long live the Resistance."

With that, everyone stood up turning towards Leia. Ben being the last as he stood up and said: "Long live the Resistance."

Leia couldn't help but smile as she saw this. Her smile fading however when she watched her son fall back onto the couch.

The ship went silent until they reached Cloud City. As they landed in the loading dock, Ben didn't want to move. He just wanted to stay on the ship and never leave. As everyone started to get off the ship, Ben just stayed still staring at the floor. He had memorized the pattern, he had counted the grate anything to distract himself.

"Ben," Leia said but her son didn't move. "Ben." She sighed sadly walking towards him.

Slowly she sat down next to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know what to do. She was my reason for everything. I don't know how to survive this."

"You survive." Leia sighed. "It is hard, it is the worst feeling in the world, to lose someone you love, but you survive Ben. Each day you just wake up and you survive. Until one day you find something that makes it so you aren't just surviving anymore instead you have something to live for."

Although Leia's speech was meant to make Ben feel better, it only made him feel more guilty. Ben had been the cause of most of Leia's pain and suffering. He knew that while she didn't want to hate him, there would always be a part of her that did hate him.

"Are you ready to go in?" Leia asked.

Ben took a breath wiping his face before he turned to his mother again and then nodded. Grabbing onto his mother's hand Ben walked with her out of the spacecraft that was filled with so many memories.

Walking out into the hall Ben could feel a shift in energy that made him uneasy.

As he looked up though he felt as though he was going to collapse. Standing before him was Anya standing in a gorgeous white dress.

"I…" Ben started as he looked to his mother who was looking up at him tears in her eyes. With that look he knew that it was real and he quickly let go of his mother sprinting towards Anya who had open arms.

When he reached her he enveloped her in his arms pulling her so tight a part of him feared he might break her.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry, in order for the plan to work, you had to believe." Anya started sobbing. "I tried to tell you but I couldn't…"

Ben collapsed to his knees and Anya did the same. He placed his hand on her cheek just looking at her.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Anya continued to sob. "I'm sorry for everything."

Ben leaned in an kissed her. "Don't apologize." Suddenly Ben broke away looking at her side. "Your side."

"Is fine." Anya said wiping her face.

"How are you here, what happened with Luke?" Ben asked helping her to her feet.

Anya looked down on the ground.

"Ben why don't you take Anya back to her room, you two can talk there. I need to speak to Lando." Leia said and Ben nodded.

Slowly Ben and Anya made their way to her room one that Lando had set her up with.

"Anya what is going on?" Ben asked seriously noting how his mother had acted strangely.

Anya bit her lip trying not to break down again.

"Anya?"

"Luke is dead." Anya sobbed as she sat down on the bed.

"What?" Ben gasped.

"After you left, I instructed Phasma to take me to the planet's surface, I knew that if I wasn't there I couldn't protect the Resistance. When Luke came out, I reacted irrationally. I was so mad at him, I blamed him for you turning and everything that had happened. If I wouldn't have gone down on the ground…" Anya broke slightly before clearing her voice. "I knew the minute I stepped foot on the ground, the First Order was not going to let me just walk away with Luke. One of us had to not survive the fight, and I couldn't kill Luke. No matter how mad I was at him, I still owe everything I am and everything I learned to him. That's when Luke told me. Ben, Luke wasn't actually on Crait. He was just projecting himself onto the planet."

"But that…" Ben questioned but as he looked at Anya and saw her eyes full of tears he understood. "Oh." He sighed sadly sitting down on the bed next to her.

"So the plan was we would fight and I would lose, thus ensuring that the Resistance could still get away and I would survive it. Luke sacrificed everything for the Resistance and for me." Anya sobbed.

Ben quickly pulled her into his arms again comforting her.

"Poe!" Anya suddenly gasped getting off the bed.

"They took him down the medical bay. With the better equipment, they should be able to help him better."

"If he doesn't survive…" Anya started.

"Hey, don't think like that," Ben said grabbing her by her shoulders. "How did you end up here?" He asked trying to distract her.

"After the First Order went in after you, I got up and ran. I just happened to run into Lando and I explained who I was. He said he would help me. We got here a few moments before you. He had some people stitch me up. Then they gave me this outfit. What are we going to do about Snoke? He's still out there."

"Anya we don't need to worry about that right now."

"Yes, we do. He's going to come after us again. He's going to attack the Resistance, we won't stand a chance. Luke is gone, I can't help I can't." Anya broke down again.

"Anya," Ben sighed but he knew that there was nothing he could say to her that would make her feel better. That guilt would always be there, some days would be worse than others, he knew that the only thing he could do for her was be there when she needed him. "You are exhausted emotionally and physically, you need to rest."

Anya nodded as she crawled up onto the bed. Ben hesitated he didn't know if Anya would be emotionally prepared for that kind of connection. Not after everything she had been through.

"Ben," Anya sighed as she laid down. "Will you hold me."

Ben didn't say a word, he just nodded as he crawled into bed with her wrapping his arms gently around her waist. He could feel her guilt and her grief. The minute he touched her she winced.

"I'm sorry, I just thought of…" Anya started as she settled into his embrace.

"I know." Ben sighed sadly as he kissed the back of her head. "But I'm here, and I'm never going to leave you again."

Anya started to cry again and as she did Ben just held onto her tighter letting her cry as he tried his hardest to not cry.

Before Ben knew it he had fallen asleep only to be violently awoken by the sounds of Anya screaming.

"No!" Anya screamed as Ben woke up turning to see Anya throw herself from the bed.

"Anya?" Ben screamed as he followed her as she walked onto the balcony.

As she turned to Ben she had tears streaming down her face as she was hyperventilating.

"I can't do this. I keep seeing myself stabbing…" She sobbed clinging to the railing.

"Anya," Ben started again reaching for her but she backed away.

"No! Stop looking at me like that. Stop looking at me like I'm the victim. I'm not Ben, not after everything I did! Stop feeling bad for me. Yell at me! Tell me I'm horrible. Please tell me you don't love me." Anya sobbed. "I can't, I can't. And I can still see Hux, I can still feel his hands on my skin." Her knees started to give way.

Ben reached for her grabbing her.

"Anya you need to try to calm down or else you are going to make yourself sick, please love."

"What did I do to deserve you." Anya sobbed leaning into Ben's chest.

"Anya," Ben said as he pushed Anya back a little bit. "You are a kind and caring person who saw the goodness within a young man who was lost in the darkness. You saved me in more ways than I could ever describe. We have been through literal hell and back, but we have both made it through to the other side. Things got screwed up along the way, and things happened that I wish I could take back, and events that I wish I could have prevented. But Anya I wouldn't trade one minute I spent with you for anything in the world. I told you that when we were training with Luke that I would have given up becoming a Jedi in order to marry you. I know now that Anya, I can't survive without you by my side. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to be with you through the good and the bad, through whatever struggles we will face." Anya looked at Ben her breath hitched in her throat. "Will you marry me?"


	19. Q&A

Since I am in a creative slump and have been super busy, the No One is Ever Really Gone new chapter is taking a little longer than I expected! So why don't you guys inbox me some questions, either about the fanfictions, myself, or anything you would like, I will answer pretty much anything. Submit me a question and your name and I will post the question, answer, and your name in this chapter!

Love you Guys!


	20. Can't Help Falling in Love (Part 1)

Both Ben and Anya sat in silent for a moment Anya just staring at Ben absolutely shocked.

"You know at this point a response would be greatly appreciated." Ben laughed nervously.

"Ben, I want to say yes. I want to say yes so badly…" Anya started.

"But?" Ben asked backing up slightly.

"Do you honestly want to spend the rest of your life with me. Things aren't going to be easy. I make things difficult. I will argue I will fight. There are going to be times when you can't stand me and you will want to leave. There are points that you will regret asking me to marry you."

"Anya, I know things aren't going to be easy. But I don't want easy. I make things difficult just as much as you do. But the thing is I want to argue with you, I want to fight. And you are right there are going to be times that I am not going to be able to stand you and there are going to be times that you can't stand me. But Anya I'm never going to leave and I am never going to have a point where I am going to regret asking you to marry me." Ben insisted. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Anya looked at Ben tears streaming down her face.

Quickly she pulled him in for a long kiss entangling her fingers in his hair.

"Is that a yes?" Ben asked.

"Yes, yes, a million times yes." Anya exclaimed as she pulled Ben in for a kiss again.

"I'm so happy." Ben smiled through the kisses.

"Just shut up." She laughed as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Gladly." Ben replied as he wrapped his arms around her waist allowing her to jump wrapping her legs around his waist.

The two passionately kissed as they stumbled their way back into the room.

"Anya," Ben sighed as he held onto her tightly.

"I love you Ben." Anya whispered.

The two fell backwards onto the bed but the minute they did Anya gasped getting hit with memories she wanted so badly to forget.

"Anya," Ben quickly said backing away.

"No, I'm sorry. Just… just give me a second."

"We don't…" Ben started.

"I just, I can't…" Anya started again tears forming in her eyes once more.

"Anya, I know it's hard, but I'm here for you through everything." Ben said kissing her forehead.

"I love you." Anya said snuggling into his embrace.

The two lay for a moment before Ben turned to Anya. "You know who is going to be very angry if we do not tell her of our engagement."

"Your mother." Anya laughed.

"She will literally kill me." Ben said as he helped Anya to her feet.

The two then walked hand in hand out into the hallway.

"Master Solo?" A voice called and they turned to see C3-PO walking towards them. "General Leia is in the conference hall, if you would like to speak to her."

"Thank you."

The two made their way towards the conference hall, however along the way they would notice people staring at them.

"Could you please tell us…" Anya started but anyone who saw them would run away. "Ben?"

"I don't know," Ben started to getting slightly angry.

Finally they reached the conference hall, but before they could open the doors they could hear people arguing inside.

"They can't stay!" Someone screamed.

"He has brought terror and destruction throughout the entire galaxy for years and now we are just expecting him to stay with us like he is not a fucking murderer!" Another screamed.

"That is my son you are speaking about." Leia snapped.

"He murdered Han." Lando responded softy causing Ben to take a step back.

"Ben?" Anya asked.

"And the girl! She is the Supreme Leader of the First Order she can't stay here. She is worse than he is. I have heard the stories of the power she possesses. She is a bigger threat than the entire First Order." Someone said causing Anya to gasp.

Ben was furious now quickly he grabbed Anya's hand as they began down the hall, neither one of them saying a word. After walking for a while Anya finally spoke up.

"Ben, where are we going." Anya said sheepishly.

"We are leaving." Ben snapped as they made their way to the loading dock, Anya gasping when she saw the Millennium Falcon.

As they loaded themselves on Anya couldn't help but feel her emotions flooding her, all she wanted to do was fall onto the floor and start to cry. But she knew that Ben was taking this harder than she was, and she had to be there for him.

"Ben are you sure this is such a good idea…" Anya started as they made their way to the cockpit.

"We are leaving!" Ben snapped as he sat in the chair. However the minute he sat down he broke. Sitting the chair his father had sat, in the ship his father had cherished above most things. One that as a small child he had longed to fly, but now given the opportunity he didn't think he could. Slowly Ben leaned his head into his hands.

"Ben," Anya sighed kneeling next to him putting her hand on his back.

"I wanted more than anything in the world to fly this ship. I used to beg and plead with my father to take me flying because I wanted to be just like him. Look at me now, disgraced, and feared, and I've dragged you down with me." Ben said.

"No you haven't Ben, I'm here because I love you and I will always love you."

"I want to leave Anya, but we have no where that we can go. No place is going to accept us. To everyone we are just monsters."

"Then let's change their minds. You somehow convinced my brother to not kill you in order to come back to save me. We did bad things, horrible things, but we are not horrible people. We just fell into darkness, something that anyone who has been through what we have been through would have done the same. But what we have done in the past does not define us, it is what we are going to make us be better."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," A voice said and they both turned to see Leia standing behind them.

"Mother?" Ben gasped. "How did you…"

"Benjamin your hiding place has been the same since you were a little boy." Leia smiled. "C3P0 told me you two were looking for me, I figured you heard the arguments."

"They hate us." Anya spoke up. "They don't want us here, we are too big of threats."

"They are just afraid, fear makes people say nasty things." Leia insisted.

"I…" Anya started.

"Change their minds, make them see who you actually are. Both of you have so much light and love to give, you just have to be given the opportunity. Show them who you actually are." Leia insisted.

Ben looked at Anya before he stood up going over to his mother and hugging her.

"Now come back inside, Lando wants to talk to you two." Leia insisted as Ben broke away.

"We have an announcement to tell you first." Ben replied as he backed up grabbing Anya's hand. "I have asked Anya to marry me."

Leia's face lit up as she looked between her son and the girl she had already considered to be part of the family. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Mother are you alright?" Ben asked seriously seeing the tears.

"Yes, I'm alright, I'm ecstatic." Leia said as she went over to Anya hugging her. "I already think of you as my daughter, but now it will be official."

The three stayed for a moment before they finally decided that they were going to head inside.

"Lando says he would like to speak with you both. He needs to discuss somethings that we talked about in the meeting." Leia said as Ben and Anya followed her down the hall.

"Do we have to." Ben said under his breath but his mother still heard him.

"Benjamin." She snapped playfully.

"I know I know." Ben sighed.

"If you want to stay here and you want to be a part of something then you can't just seclude yourself." Leia said.

Anya chuckled slightly to herself causing Ben to give her a look.

"You hush," He laughed before turning back to his mother. "Thank you mother."

"One more thing." Leia said as they stopped in front of the doors. "He wants to speak to you individually."

"What!" Both Ben and Anya gasped.

"You will both do fine, just think before you speak." Leia said. "Ben you go first."

Ben turned to look at Anya terrified.

She ran to him pulling him into a long kiss.

"You will be fine." She smiled but Ben could hear the fear in her voice as well.

Ben went to reach for the door handle when Leia stopped him.

"Wait before you go in, I have something for you." She said as she slowly took off her ring handing it to Ben.

Ben looked at his mother questioning. Leia gestured to Anya and Ben finally understood.

He turned to look at Anya and as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Yes, my answer is and will always be yes!" Anya smiled as Ben put the ring on her finger.

He picked her up swinging her around before setting her down once more to face the door.

He gulped as he grabbed the door handle once more. Anya quickly wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders kissing the back of his neck.

"I love you." She said before giving him a slight push through the doors leaving herself, terrified with Leia.

When Ben walked into the room, he found Lando staring outside through a small window. While he had never met the man before, he had heard the endless stories of Lando and his father's great adventures. His father used to tell them to Ben before he went to sleep at night, and when he dreamed, he dreamed that he would one day be able to join his father on one of those adventures.

Lando, after hearing the door open and shut slowly turned back to see the young man who stood before him. He didn't really know if he had expected to see a monster before him, but Ben shocked him.

"You look so much like your father." Lando said before he could even stop himself.

The statement shocked Ben causing him to freeze in his tracks for a moment. Quickly however he straightened himself up standing as stiff as a board. He let his fears fade away as he went into soldier mode.

"I would just like to thank you for…" Ben started.

"Don't, don't block out the emotions in this situation. Han used to do the same thing."

Ben opened his mouth to speak again but Lando quickly cut him off.

"I have been waiting a long time to meet you Ben. I'm going to be honest, you aren't exactly who I thought you would be."

"And who did you think I would be."

"A monster." Lando said causing Ben to look at the floor. "But instead I see that you are more like Han than I could have ever imagined."

Ben gritted his teeth holding back the tears that were in his eyes.

"However, the people that live here, as well as I are worried, and rightfully so, that it is dangerous for you to be here. Especially combined with the girl." Lando said.

Ben bawled his hands up into fists still staring at the floor.

"However, your mother insists that the girl was the one behind bringing you back to the light. She called the girl your savior. Do you agree?"

"Absolutely." Ben said finally looking up at Lando. "Her death sent me into a spiral, but finding out she was alive and being with her, made me understand that what I had done, the anger that I had, was going to be my downfall. And that if I kept going down the path I would lose her and that is something that I cannot have happen."

"And what will happen if you do lose her. You thought you had lost her today, were you going to fall back into the darkness."

"No. I never meant to become a monster. I was just hurt and scared and I had Snoke's voice in my head telling me that I wasn't good enough, that everyone was afraid of me, that I would inevitably hurt everyone that I loved. It wore me down to the point of replacing all emotions with rage just to get through. But Anya, she showed me that I was worth saving." Ben said and the minute it came out of his mouth, he realized that Anya was the only one who had ever seen him like this. This vulnerable.

"And what about Anya. She is stronger than you, her powers are greater, and she fell farther into the darkness in a matter of a few hours than you had ever in your entire life. What is going to stop her from going into the darkness again?" Lando asked seriously.

"Fear." Ben replied bluntly. "Things happened on that ship to her that.." His voice broke. "That I wish I could have prevented, but they happened, and it caused her to snap. She felt so vulnerable and when she realized that all this power would allow her to be in control she jumped at it. She needed to not feel afraid. But after she almost killed her brother, the realization of everything she did hit her all at once and it almost killed her. She is terrified to use the Force again in fear that she will lose herself and hurt someone else that she cares about and she will never let that happen, and I will make sure it never happens. She is my whole life. I'm going to make sure that we have a future together."

Lando looked at the young boy and smiled. While his heart still hurt from the loss of his friend, the young man standing before him reminded him not only of a young Han but a young him. Driven by the passion and the love that they would find. He knew that Ben meant what he said, and the fear that Lando had once had was gone. He knew Ben would do his best to not only make sure that he didn't fall back into the darkness but that the girl didn't either.

The girl however, still caused Lando some concern. He had heard the stories of her power and all that she had done in her short amount of time as the Supreme Leader.

Lando made his way over to Ben placing his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." Ben finally broke. "I know my father was…"

Lando held up his hand. "That is the past and for the sake of your mother I do not want to dwell on it. She is the strongest women I know, but she has been through a lot. Let us dwell on the happiness instead of the sad."

Ben nodded.

"Speaking of happiness, I have asked Anya to marry me. I was wondering if we could have your blessing to get married here in Cloud City."

"Under one condition. We are a little short handed on pilots and I would imagine that Snoke isn't going to go down with a fight. And with your extensive knowledge of the First Order, it would be extremely valuable. Will you join the Resistance as a fighter pilot."

Ben hesitated for a moment. He hadn't even thought of the idea that he would be asked to fight. However, the minute Lando mentioned it, that was all that Ben wanted to do. He needed to fight against he First Order, he needed to destroy Snoke, he needed to make sure that the universe would be safe for Anya. He knew though that Anya would have his head if he told her he would fight again.

"Agreed." Ben said shaking Lando's hand.

"I think it would be a good idea to have the wedding soon. Show the people that you two aren't the monsters they perceive you to be, I will start having everything set up. Don't expect many people to come however." Lando said.

"Of course." Ben said.

"We you please send Anya in." Lando said gesturing towards the door.

Ben turned but quickly stopped himself looking back at Lando. "Please go easy on her, she has been through a lot, and if you make her cry…" Ben thought but he didn't really have an end to that threat. "And please don't tell her about me becoming a Resistance pilot, I would like to do that myself."

"I understand." Lando said.

Finally Ben opened the door. There he found a terrified looking Anya staring back at him.

"He wants to talk to you now."

"I… I can't do this." Anya said panicked as her breathing became rapid. Quickly Ben rushed to her placing his hands on her face.

"Hey, it's ok. It's ok. He just wants to talk, that's it. Just tell him what happened. Be honest. Everything is going to be fine." He said as he kissed her forehead."

"What if he… what if he doesn't let me stay." She said still unable to calm her breathing.

"That's not going to happen." Leia said trying to sooth the poor girl by rubbing her back.

"And if it does then we will go find somewhere else to stay. Anywhere you go I'm going to go as well." Ben insisted.

Anya looked at him for a moment before she nodded.

"Don't worry." Ben said again as he leaned his forehead on hers.

She then slowly broke away heading through the door, unable to look back at Ben knowing that it would only break her, seeing his worried expression.

"Ah, Miss Dameron. It is nice to see you again." Lando stated to the shaking girl.

"Thank you for…" Anya started but the quaking in her voice gave her away.

"You are Ben are so similar. I do not want to be thanked, I want to be assured that the people who live here are not in danger."

"I…"

"You were the most powerful Sith master the universe has seen. You could shake an entire First Order ship without even breaking a sweat. You crushed Hux to death. You slaughtered half of the Resistance fleet. How do I know that you will not destroy the rest of the fleet. Or kill the people living here."

"I never meant to… I'm so…" Anya started feeling herself getting overwhelmed again.

"Just breath, you are alright." Ben said in her head.

"It won't happen again because I'm not going to use the Force ever again. I'm planning on removing myself completely from the force. I cannot and will not become that person again." Anya insisted. "I know how much pain and death I caused and it tears me apart everyday. I'm never going to let it happen again. I swear to you."

Lando looked her up and down for a moment before he smiled.

"I believe you." He said and it shocked her. "Ben told me that some terrible things happened to you and most of what you did was out of fear, and I can understand acting out of fear, but that the fear would be what made sure you never turn again. I also know that Ben isn't going to let you turn, not again. He loves you more than I have ever seen another person love someone. And that is why, I am going to help you set up your wedding. You can have it hear in Cloud City. I will make sure everything is perfect."

Tears welled up in Anya's eyes.

"I…"

"Don't thank me, just keep your promise." Lando said smiling as he held out his hand.

Quickly Anya ran at him hugging him tightly tears streaming down her face.

"I know you said not to thank you but thank you." She sobbed.

Slowly Lando wrapped his arm around her. He let her cry for a moment before he broke away.

"Ben is waiting for you, and I have your wedding to get prepared for. I would imagine it will be ready by the end of the week."

Anya nodded as she thanked him quietly before turned towards the door.

When she opened them she found Ben waiting for her arms open.

She sprinted to him smiling and when he held her he picked her up spinning her around.

"Lando he…" She started when Ben pulled her in for a kiss.

"I know he told me."

"He said it should be ready by the end of the week. We are getting married by the end of the week!" She exclaimed kissing him again.


	21. Can't Help Falling in Love (Part 2)

For the rest of the week, Ben spent with Lando, planning is what he told Anya but in reality he was training.

He told himself that he would tell her. He knew he had to tell her. However, every time he had the chance she just talked about the wedding and how excited she was. He loved that she was smiling again. That she was laughing. He knew that if he told her, she would begin to worry again. And he didn't want her worrying.

The day of the wedding had arrived and Ben woke up feeling terrified.

His mother had made him sleep in a separate room from Anya since they arrived in Cloud City. It was difficult for him to sleep without Anya by his side and it was especially jarring to wake up without her there.

However, that morning his nerves were out of control. He was marrying Anya. This was the day he had waited for for 6 plus years. However, the nerves still were there. Was he good enough for her. What would their future look like? But the thought that weighed the most on his mind was children. Did Anya want to have some, did he? What kind of father would he be.

Suddenly there was knock at the door.

"Ben?" He heard a voice say.

"Come in." He responded.

The door opened and slowly Anya crept her way inside.

She stood with her back against the door, dressed in a long nightgown her hair was just above her shoulders and her natural curls had returned.

"What are you doing?" Ben asked standing up. "What is going on?"

"We…" She started and Ben could tell she was starting to get anxious again and her breathing was getting raspy.

"Hey, hey breath." Ben quickly said rushing to her side grabbing her shoulder.

"We are getting married today." She breathed.

Ben chuckled as he tucked her hair behind her ear. "Yes, in just a few hours."

"Are you… I mean… do you still want to…"

Ben kissed her. "Of course I still want to marry you. Do you still want to marry me?"

"Yes of course!"

"Then there is nothing to worry about." He smiled kissing her again.

They began kissing passionately, Ben wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I cannot wait to become Mrs. Solo." Anya said between the kisses.

"MMm, Mrs. Solo I like the sound of that." Ben said as he picked her up kissing her neck.

Suddenly there was a knocking on the door again.

"Ben, it's time to get ready." The voice said and Ben almost dropped Anya.

"Shit," He gasped as he knew that his mother was standing on the other side of that door waiting for him, and not expecting that his soon to be bride was in the room with him, especially because Leia had specifically instructed that there would be no interactions between the two until the wedding. "You have to hide." He said causing Anya to laugh.

"W…" She started when Ben quickly put his hand over her mouth.

"No my mother cannot know you are here, she will kill me. You have to hide in the closet."

"Ben," Anya laughed as he slowly pushed her into the closet shutting the door.

"Yes, mother." He responded as Leia made her way into the room.

"Today is the day." She smiled as she grabbed her son by his shoulders. "God your father would be so proud of you."

Ben smiled.

"I am so proud of you as well Ben. I know that you have felt so alone, for a very long time. And I'm sorry if me or your father ever played a part in that, but now I am positive that you have someone who is going to make you feel wanted. But Ben I wanted to let you know, your father and I always loved you and we always tried to do what was best for you."

"I know mom, and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that." Ben started. "I wish he was here." He said his voice cracking slightly.

"I have something for you." Leia smiled said as she walked to the door grabbing a jacket off the door handle.

"Is that…" Ben gasped.

"You're father had kept in on the Falcon even after I told him to get rid of it." Leia laughed. "I think he would want you to have it, and wear it, especially today."

Ben could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he reached out and grabbed the jacket.

He held the black leather jacket in his hands once again, reminded of the hundreds of times he had seen his father wear it.

"Alright, now we don't have time to waste, you need to get dressed and I need to get Anya ready." Leia smiled kissing her son on the cheek then she headed for the door. "Oh and one more thing." She said turning back. "When you get a second, will you let Anya out of the closet so she can get dressed."

Ben's face fell as his mother laughed and Anya stepped out of the closet.

"Alright you two let's get a move on we have a wedding in a few hours." Leia said smiling as Anya followed her out of the room.

"I love you." She said before she left.

As the door shut Ben stood looking at the jacket that was in his hands.

"I'm sorry." He said, before he set the jacket on the bed and began to get dressed.

Before he knew it he was standing on a balcony in cloud city standing next to Lando. Lando had been right no one else had showed up, but Ben didn't care. He was going to marry his best friend.

In the other room with Leia and Anya, Leia was just putting on the finishing touches to Anya's dress.

"There," she said as she turned Anya to look in the mirror. Anya stood in a long flowy white dress that had flower embellishment all over it. Her hair was up in a low bun and there were flowers in her hair. She had never seen herself look more beautiful.

"I…" Anya started her voice cracking. "I look beautiful."

"Yes you do dear." Leia said tears in her eyes.

Suddenly the wave of panic set over Anya again as the negative thoughts filled her head.

Leia could see the change in Anya emotions and she quickly grabbed her by her shoulders trying to steady her.

"I...I can't do this." Anya gasped barely able to breath.

"What! What are you talking about, you have been so excited for this for the past week." Leia said as she helped Anya sit down.

"I'm not good for him, he deserves better." Anya said starting to cry.

"Now don't cry you will ruin your makeup. Anya you are the best thing that has ever happened to him. You saved him, you mustn't forget that. He loves you more than anything in the world and I know that you love him. I understand that you are scared but I promise you Ben is scared as well. It's just wedding day jitters. But I promise you that the minute you see him all of that fear is going to go away."

Anya nodded as she stood up taking a deep breath.

"Alright it's time to go." Leia said as she hooked her arm through Anya's as Anya had asked Leia to walk her down the aisle.

Anya took another deep breath as Leia opened the doors. Anya eyes immediately spotted Ben and as their eyes locked all of her anxiety subsided. A smile spread across Ben's face as tears welled up in his eyes.

He never imagined that she could ever look more beautiful than the moment he saw her alive again. But as he watched her walking towards him in that gorgeous dress, knowing that she was going to become his wife he could barely catch his breath.

"Hi," Anya breathed as she got up to Ben.

"Hi." Ben smiled.

"Alright, are you two ready?" Lando smiled.

Suddenly both Ben and Anya felt an energy, a strong one. Slowly the both turned to look at Leia, Anya gasping when she saw who was next to her.

Leia slowly looked to her side and saw him.

"Luke," She gasped and while everyone knew that Luke wasn't physically there (and Lando was especially confused because he couldn't see anyone) it gave everyone comfort knowing he was watching over them.

"Anya, Ben started. "I have loved you from the moment I saw you. The minute our eyes locked, I knew that I had to spend the rest of my life with you. You are the first thing I think about when I get up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. I spend most of my day thinking about your smile or your life. I want nothing more in my entire life to make you feel happy and loved. We have fought across the galaxy to be with one another and I never am going to let you go."

Anya smiled looking at Ben lovingly. "The minute I saw you, I knew we had a connection. I have imagined spending our lives together for as long as I could remember. Before we had met, I had always felt like my purpose was to fight for the Resistance, like my parents did, like my…" Her words hitched in her throat when she thought about the absence in the room. "Like my brother. However, when we met. I knew that you were my purpose. I didn't know at the time what that meant but now I know. We were meant to save each other. Save each other from ourselves. I have told you that this marriage will be a struggle because we both know that we are the most stubborn people in the world. But I am willing to fight, I am willing to fight until my last breath, because there is nothing more in this world that I want than to be with you."

Ben quickly leaned in kissing her wrapping his arms around her waist. The people, aka Lando and Leia began clapping, Leia had tears in her eyes as they watched the happy couple kiss. However, Ben and Anya didn't pay them any attention. They were in their own world, their own universe.

As they broke apart they just stared into each other's eyes. Neither one felt like they could ever feel happier than they did at that moment. For once in their lives they weren't being nagged with voices, they weren't fighting against some force that was trying to control them. For once they were truly happy.

Finally they turned to look back at Leia and Luke, and Luke just smiled lovingly at them. Then he was gone.

For a moment Ben, Leia, and Anya felt sad but then a wave of peace washed over all of them.

"I now present Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Solo." Lando said smiling.


	22. Cloud

_Sorry guys I know it has been a while but I promise I'm going to get to writing more I promise_

* * *

Life had been utter bliss for Ben and Y/N. For a week they had mostly spent together in their room. However, what Anya didn't know was that at night while she was asleep, Ben would sneak out of the room for his secret meetings with Lando. They were close to finding out where Snoke had gone to hide, while at the same time trying to fend off any advances from the First Order. Ben had told himself he had to tell Y/N, but the more time they spent together the less of an opportunity Ben felt like he had to tell her. He hated lying to her. But he knew that if he tried it would just lead to a fight. He knew that she wouldn't want him to be fighting with the First Order, and she especially wouldn't want him to be searching for Snoke.

Snoke was a different matter entirely that the First Order. Ben believed that he could talk his way out of Anya being mad at him for fight against them. That was a war, one in which the two sides could battle it out using plans and other resources. But Snoke, Snoke could take you out and no one could help you. It would be a battle Ben would have to fight for himself. Alone. And that Ben knew Anya could never let happen.

And he understood that. If the roles were reversed he knew there was no way he would allow her to fight Snoke. But Snoke had caused both Ben and Anya so much pain and suffering that he couldn't allow him to just go on living. Especially because he knew that at any moment Ben or Anya might start hearing Snoke's sickening voice in their heads once more, and Ben didn't know if Anya could handle that.

"What are you thinking about." Anya said bringing Ben back to reality. Both of them were lying in bed, a place that they hadn't left for a good day and a half, neither one of them clothed.

"How unbelievably lucky I am that you are my wife." Ben half lied.

Anya smiled as she crawled on top of him kissing her way down his chest.

"Well I am unbelievably lucky that you are my husband, and I think it is only fair to show you my gratitude." Anya giggled.

A slight twinge of guilt rang though Ben's heart as he quickly pulled Anya back up placing his lips sweetly on hers.

"I love you, Mrs. Solo." He smiled.

"I love you with my whole heart, Mr. Solo." Anya smiled kissing him more passionately causing Ben to flip them over so he was on top.

The rest of the day was spent just the same as the other days had been until both were so exhausted that they fell asleep in each others embrace.

"Y/N, this is only the beginning" Anya heard a voice in her head say and she bolted upright waking up. As soon as she woke up she was hit with a wave of nausea causing her to sprint to the bathroom emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Anya groaned as she leaned her head into her arms pulling her knees up to her stomach waiting for the feeling of nausea to pass.

After a few minutes, she finally felt well enough to leave the bathroom and head back into the bedroom. However the minute she left the bathroom she froze seeing that Ben was no longer in the bed.

"Ben?" She called concerned. She could feel the panic and anxiety building up inside of her as she gripped onto the door frame.

"Y/N, it's ok I'm fine." She heard a voice say in her head instantly calming her. "I just went for a walk to clear my head, go back to bed I will be there soon." Ben said. And then just like that he was gone.

Anya sighed as she sat on the edge of the bed. She wanted to be concerned about Ben but her mind was focused on the fact that she just got sick. Anya never got sick.

"It's probably just because we haven't eaten well in a week since all we do is stay in this room." She thought smiling when she imagined the fun Ben and she had had. However, the smile quickly fell when she imagined, this beautiful moment coming to a crashing halt because she knew it eventually would.

Snoke was still out there, alive and well. The First Order was still doing well even without a leader. Anya knew that eventually Ben and she couldn't hide out forever, and even though Lando had said that they would be all right living in this city, she knew that it wasn't entirely true. If at any point it became known that the First Order or heaven forbid Snoke was after the city would gang up against them and throw them out of the city before they even had a chance to fight back.

Slowly with that thought, Anya curled up in bed. And ended up falling asleep.

When she woke up she found Ben asleep in the bed next to her. His curls were in his face.

Smiling Anya slowly got on top of Ben kissing his neck.

Ben groaned sleepily. "You know Mrs. Solo sleep is a very good thing and a thing that I desperately need."

"It's your fault for taking a midnight stroll there Solo."

Ben laughed as he flipped Anya over getting on top of her.

"I love you so much." He said as he kissed her.

"I love you too." She said but she quickly pushed Ben up.

"What," He smiled innocently at her.

"We need to get out of this room. Do you realize how long it has been since I have seen other people."

"Do you really want to see other people, are you that bored with me." Ben teased.

"You know I'm not, but there are some people that I need to see." She said and instantly the mood in the room changed.

Ben sighed as sat up looking at Anya sadly.

"Do you want to come with you?"

"No, I need to go by myself, plus you need to spend some time with your mother. I'm surprised she remembers what you look like." Anya said trying to tease Ben but he could still tell how sad she was.

"Y/N." Ben started.

"Seriously though, Ben I will be ok." She lied.

"You know you can't lie to me right," Ben said in her thoughts.

"Damn-it Ben, you can't keep doing that. I'm not going to use the Force anymore so I can't read your thoughts, it's not fair that you keep reading mine!"

"There is a simple solution to solving that problem." Ben insisted as Anya got out of the bed heading towards the closet.

"Don't start with this again." Anya sighed as she angrily began to look through some clothes.

"You are not going to fall into the dark again, I won't let you," Ben said as he got up grabbing his pants from the floor next to the bed.

"Yeah, cause you did a great job of that the last time," Anya muttered under her breath.

Ben froze as he looked at her hurt.

Anya sighed as she pulled on a pair of brown leggings. "I didn't mean that."

There was a moment of silence between the two as they continued to get dressed. Anya was dressed in the brown leggings with a long white top and a pair of brown boots. Ben was dressed in a pair of black pants with a blaster holster strapped to his leg and was wearing a white shirt.

When Anya turned around she thought she was staring at a ghost.

"Oh my god Ben, you look exactly like your dad."

Ben didn't even look at her as he stormed into the bathroom.

"Ben," Anya sighed as she followed him. He was gripping the edge of the counter staring down at the floor.

"You know," Ben started his voice cracking. "You know that if I could have done anything to stop what happened to you, I would have. I…"

Anya quickly wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

"I know I know Ben, and I don't blame you I promise, I didn't mean what I said. You were right, I'm not ok with going to go see my brother. Because I know the minute that I see him, I'm going to be reminded of those feelings I felt after…" Anya started and Ben quickly turned around grabbing her shoulders. "It's been almost a month Ben and he still hasn't made any progress, what if…"

"Hey, hey, hey, don't think like that ok. He has the best medical care in the universe, my mother made sure of it. Everything is going to be alright." He said as he pulled her into his arms.

"I love you." Anya said as she buried her face in his embrace.

"Do you still want to go by yourself," Ben asked as Anya quickly wiped her face.

"Yeah, I think this is something that I am going to have to do on my own." Anya said as she kissed Ben softly.

"Ok, if you need me…"

"You will know Ben, I know you will." She smiled. "Now go see your mother."

"I love you," Ben said as he kissed her again.

Suddenly Anya began to feel very nauseous. "Come on now go." She said as she faked a smile.

Ben smiled at her as he left, the minute however she heard the door shut she fell to her knees in front of the toilet throwing up.

Groaning she sat back again.

"What the hell is wrong with me," She thought but she knew the minute she thought it there was a chance Ben was listening into her thoughts. She didn't need him worrying about her, so she quickly stood up splashing some cold water on her face before she headed out into the hallway. The minute she left the room she could feel the eyes on her and the whispers starting.

It felt like that horrid walk she had had on the Finalizer.

 _She looked down as she walked through the endless hallways before finally arriving at the medical bay. However, as she reached for the door she felt the weight of everything hit her at once, just as it had when she had woken up after the Finalizer had been destroyed._

Anya woke up with a start. She quickly looked around the room remembering what had happened as her eyes quickly landed on the unmoving body of her brother. The minute she saw him she was hit with the weight of everything she had done. Every person she had killed, and how she had killed her brother.

She let out a loud scream as she grabbed onto her stomach feeling like she was going to throw up.

 _"_ _You have become the most powerful being in the universe!" She heard someone laugh behind her. She didn't even have the strength to turn around but she knew who it was. "You have accomplished more than Ren ever could. You will become the one who destroys what is left of the Jedi order, and you will be the one who destroys the Resistance."_

 _"_ _No!" She screamed as she quickly turned around throwing her hand out but the minute she did it Snoke countered slamming her into the floor trying to crush her._

 _"_ _Don't fight it, it is your destiny."_

 _"_ _I don't want this! I never wanted this!" She screamed._

 _"_ _We both know that is not true. All you have wanted your entire life is to not feel powerless. You felt powerless when you parents were killed, you felt powerless when you brother went to fight in a war you knew he had no chance of winning. And you felt powerless when you lost your precious Benjamin to me." Snoke sneered. "But you don't feel powerless anymore, not now that you know what kind of power you hold."_

 _"_ _I can't…" Anya started sobbing again._

Quickly Snoke yanked her to her feet flinging her across the room crashing her into the beam and almost sending her down the hole where the guard had fallen.

 _"_ _You're emotions and your feelings have made you weak!" Snoke screamed dragging her across the floor landing her right in front of Poe. "He's dead, you killed him!"_

Anya let out another piercing scream shaking what was left of the ship.

 _"_ _He was going to kill you, Ben was going to kill you and then run off with Rey living you utterly alone."_

 _"_ _No, he wouldn't he…"_

 _"_ _He doesn't love you!" Snoke screamed ripping Anya to her feet and pulling her across the room until he wrapped his boney fingers around her neck. "You have become a monster, a person that is incapable of feeling love and being loved."_

Anya couldn't even cry anymore as she just stared at Snoke shocked.

 _"_ _But what you can be is feared, and that is a much more powerful emotion than love. You have a chance right now. Kill Ben Solo, kill the girl, take back your throne. I will teach you. Together nothing will stand in our way."_

Quickly he dropped her and brought her saber to her.

 _"_ _Do it." He instructed._

For a moment Anya just sat staring at the saber. She felt like she was going to shake apart.

 _"_ _Do it! Kill them!" Snoke screamed and quickly Anya snapped her head up throwing Snoke backward into the throne as she took off running._

She didn't even take notice to the amount of destruction surrounding her as she made her way to Ben's room.

Taking a deep breath Anya finally reached for the door handle walking in. The minute she opened the door she saw the blonde haired women sitting next to her brother bed. Her head was laying on Poe's hand which she was gripping tightly, and Anya could tell how exhausted she was.

The minute she heard the door shut Kaydal's head snapped up to look at who had entered the room.

"Y/N," She gasped.

"Kaydal, I…" Anya started but the guilt hit her and she quickly looked at the floor.

"You came," Kaydal said as she ran to Anya pulling her in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry I'm so so sorry." Anya sobbed into Kaydals embrace.

"He's going to be ok, right. He's going to be fine." Kaydal said her voice cracking.

The two sat for a moment in each other embrace. Kaydal knew that she had every reason to hate Anya and Ben for that matter, but for some reason, she couldn't. Not after having spent 6 years monitoring her condition and making sure she was still alive. She had come to care for her. Not in a romantical way, but in a sisterly way.

"Has he…" Anya started wiping her face. "Has he made any progress."

"The doctor's said they won't know anything until he wakes up," Kaydal said wiping tears from her eyes as well.

"And when do they suppose that that should be?" Anya asked.

Kaydal looked down at the floor the tears welling up in her eyes again.

"They…"She started clearing her throat. "They don't know if he will wake up."

Anya opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't even think of anything to say.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to the wedding." Kaydal started. "I just…"

"It's ok Kaydal."

Slowly Anya turned to look at Poe again.

"Do you want a moment alone with him."

"Could I?"

"Of course, he's your brother, plus I really could use a shower." Kaydal smiled sadly.

Anya just nodded not sure if she actually wanted to be alone with her brother.

"I'll be back soon, Finn should be coming around soon, he usually comes to check on Rose around this time." Then she was gone and the sounds of the machines that were keeping Poe alive grew almost unbearably loud in Anya head.

"Hi." She started sitting down on the chair next to the bed. She shifted awkwardly as she tried to figure out what she could possibly say. "Poe, I'm so sorry." She sobbed. "I wish, I wish I could do something to fix this."

Anya sat crying for a while before she finally sat up wiping her face.

"If you were awake you would be yelling at me to stop making everything about you. That there were bigger things to worry about. You would be yelling at Ben for not asking for your permission before marrying me. You would be so mad." Anya chuckled slightly. She looked at her brother once more before she stood up. "I promise I'm going to figure out how to fix everything. I love you." She said as she stood up and when to leave. As soon as she turned around she ran into Finn.

"Oh hey!" He said looking down at her. "You're Anya right?" He asked.

Anya nodded.

"I'm sorry about your brother. He's a good man, he saved my life." Finn said.

"That's great!" Anya tried to say with as much enthusiasm as possible but all she really wanted to do was curl up into a ball and start crying. "I have to…" Anya started to leave when suddenly Finn grabbed her arm.

"I'm on your side. I know that a lot of people have said some terrible things, but I know that you have just felt very alone for a long time. And I know what loneliness can do."

Anya softened for a moment looking at Finn with a smile. "Thank you, Finn."

He just nodded letting go of her arm as he left her walking over to Rose.

Quickly Anya left the room making her way towards her and Ben's room.

The whispers and the stares seemed more apparent on the walk back then they had before.

"I can't believe she's allowed to stay with us."

"Her and Ren are perfect for each other, two monsters."

"She tried to kill her own brother, and now she is refusing to help the Resistance, she still is part of the First Order. It's only a matter of time before she turns on all of us."

"I bet she'll end up killing Ren first."

Anya took off running unable to deal with the whispers.

When she reached the room, she slammed the door running to the bed bawling.

For a long time, she just lay there crying. It was until she heard a knock on the door that she finally calmed herself down enough to move.

"Madam Solo." A robotic voice said outside the door.

Slowly Anya made her way over to the door. Opening it she found C3-PO standing in the hall.

"Yes?" She asked her voice raspy from the crying.

"General Leia is dining with Master Solo and they would like you to join them."

"Could you please tell them I'm not hungry." Anya insisted shutting the door again.

Slowly she walked to the closet grabbing one of Ben's long shirts and changing into it. She crawled back into bed breathing in the scent left on the shirt.

The tears flowed again as she pulled her knees up to her chest.

Suddenly she heard the door open again and then shut.

"Y/N?"

The moment she heard Ben's voice she started crying again.

Ben didn't say another word as he hopped into the bed pulling Anya into his arms.

Neither one of said anything. Anya just snuggled into Ben's arms sobbing. The two ended up falling asleep like this.

"You aren't safe. You will never be safe."

Anya awoke with a start, once again feeling sick to her stomach and sprinting to the bathroom.

"What the fuck?" She thought as she threw up.

As if it had become a routine, she sat back waiting until her stomach calmed before heading back into the bedroom, shocked when she found Ben was not there again.

"Another midnight stroll." She scoffed to herself as she slowly made her way back to the bed.

For two weeks the married couple had fallen into a routine. During the day they would find things to keep them occupied. Usually Ben would say he was helping strategize with Lando and his mother but never actually going out flying, while Anya found the library or occasionally would go on walks in the more calm places around the city. At night, however, Anya would wake up only to get sick and then come back to find that Ben was gone.

Finally, by the end of two weeks, Anya had had enough. She stormed her way down to the med bay to find out what was going on.

"What?" She gasped when the Med droid told her what was wrong.

"Yes, ma'am I would say almost two months along."

"No, that's no…" Anya said tears forming in her eyes. "I…" She said as she stumbled backward.

"Are you alright? Ma'am." The droid asked.

"I need…" Anya felt like she was going to hyperventilate. "I need to see General Organa."

The droid started to leave when suddenly Anya yelled.

"But don't tell Ben!"

Quickly the droid left the room leaving Anya alone.

"No, this isn't, this isn't happening." She gasped as she slowly slid to the floor.

Time seemed to slow down as all the thoughts raced through Y/N's head. She couldn't be pregnant, she couldn't not now. Not after everything that had happened.

"Y/N! Y/N!" She heard a voice yelling and suddenly Leia was in the doorway. "Oh my God, what happened is everything alright." Leia hurried over to Anya side helping her stand.

"No, it's not I just…"

"She pregnant," The droid said causing Anya to roll her eyes.

Leia stopped and stared at Anya a smile spreading on her face.

"You're pregnant." She gasped happily. "Well, I guess this means we will have to stop sending Ben on missions."

Anya froze as she looked at Leia.

"I'm sorry what?"

"I said we have to stop sending Ben out on missions now that he's gonna be a dad, we don't want him…"

"But he told me, he promised me he wasn't going on missions he said he was just helping strategize." Anya growled.

"No, he's been acting as the head pilot for the resistance."

"He lied. He told me that he wouldn't go out on any missions because I was afraid that…" Y/N's voice cracked as bawled her hands up into fists.

"Y/N" Leia started trying to comfort her, but inside she was furious at her son for being such an unbelievable idiot.

"I'm heading back to my room." Anya said pissed.

"Should I tell Ben to meet you there?"

"Is he even on the planet." Anya snapped.

Leia shook her head and Anya just nodded.

"No, I will just wait until he comes back." Then she started to leaved. However she turned back to look at Leia. "Don't tell him about the…"

"No, of course not. I'll leave that to you." Leia said. "Anya everything is going to be alright I promise."

Anya didn't even respond as she stormed out into the hall.

She couldn't even process everything that had just happened. Ben was lying to her, she was pregnant with a baby she didn't want.

For a moment she thought she could hear laughter, not from the people who were now giving her strange looks as she angrily marched through the halls, no this laugh sounded like it came from the one person who she prayed she would never hear his voice again.

Her pace quickly as if she was hoping she could run away from all the problems that were awaiting her. But she knew she couldn't.

She had been expecting the happiness that she and Ben had shared the last two weeks to come crashing down but she never expected it would be this bad.

As she sat in their bedroom waiting for Ben to walk through the door she couldn't even try to think about what she would say to him because she was so unbelievably furious.

The minute he opened the door she felt for a moment like she was going to break down, but she knew that she had to let her anger fuel her.

"Y/N," Ben said when he saw her as if he was surprised to see her.

"Where were you, Ben?"

Ben was taken aback as he slowly set down his blaster on the table next to the door. "What do you mean, I was helping the Resistance…"

"I mean where did you fly off to," She snapped.

"I didn't fly…"

"Don't fucking lie to me Ben, you're mother told me that you are the lead pilot for the Resistance! You promised me!"

Ben sighed. "I can explain."

"There is no explanation you could possibly give to get me to forgive you!"

"He is still out there!" Ben screamed back finally unable to hold it in any longer. "Snoke is still out there and you expect me to just stay on this fucking planet sitting on my hands!"

"I don't give a fuck that he…"

"He had Hux rape you!"

Anya froze staring at Ben angrily. She was vibrating with rage.

"He sent me away so that he could torture you and have you raped! All so that he could have me back in his grasp! He is the reason that I thought I lost you...twice! I cannot just sit by while I know he is out there! I need to kill him."

"Oh, I'm sorry I can't imagine how traumatic that was for you!" She sneered sarcastically. "If you go after Snoke you will die, if you help take down the First Order you will die! I am not going to let you go on these suicide missions. This is not our fight!"

Ben laughed angrily as he started to pace. "How the fuck is this not our fight! We have contributed to this entire war just as much as anyone else! Hell I helped turn the First Order in the destructive force that it is! And so did you!" He snapped.

"Fuck you!" Anya screamed back.

The two just sat in an anger-filled silence before Ben spoke again this time trying to calm down the situation.

"I'm terrified that Snoke is going to come after us again. He's not going to give up and you know it. I have nightmares about him coming after us, and me turning back to the dark and I know you have those same nightmares too."

"Oh did you read my mind to find that out, because you are never here to comfort me when I wake up screaming because you were too busy trying to play the hero! Well, guess what Ben you aren't your father!" She screamed.

Ben closed his eyes feeling that comment hit him almost like she had smacked him across the face. In fact, he wished she would have done that instead.

"God all you ever do anymore is just read my mind, you don't ever try to talk to me to figure out what the fuck is going on. I'm surprised you have read my mind now because I'm sure you would be shocked if you did."

Ben's eyes snapped open looking at her. "What do you mean?"

"I'm fucking pregnant Ben!"


	23. Small Bump

"Ben," Anya said staring at the catatonic Ben who was just staring at her shocked.

"You're…" Ben gulped "You're pregnant." He said a smile suddenly appearing on his face.

"Oh don't smile about it." Anya snapped. "We aren't keeping it."

Ben's face fell. "What do you mean we aren't keeping it, this isn't some stray animal you found Anya, this is our baby."

"Ben do you actually think we could raise it. I mean come on us!"

"What does that mean!" Ben snapped angrily.

"Oh yeah Anya Dameron the Supreme Leader of the First Order and the great Kylo Ren as parents yeah that will work." Anya sneered.

"Anya."

"This kid will be the child of the two most powerful Sith masters the universe has seen and you actually think this kid stands a chance!"

"We won't let them…"

"Do you think when Snoke finds out that I'm pregnant there is any force in the world that is going to be able to stop him from getting his hands on this kid."

Ben sighed running his fingers through his hair.

"I will figure out how to deal with it." Anya said as she sat back down on the bed.

"Wait a fucking minute, this kid is just as mine as it is yours, don't I get a say in what happens to it!" He screamed.

Anya laughed as she stood up angrily.

"No you don't Ben I'm sorry. You don't get a say because there isn't going to be a thing growing inside of you that is going to kill you when you give birth to it!"

"What?" Ben gasped as he froze.

Anya bent forward placing her head in her hands growling before standing back up glaring at Ben.

"Your mother and your uncle's birth killed your grandmother. Your birth about killed your mother. I don't stand a chance." Anya said her voice cracking.

"You… you don't know that…" Ben said but now he was completely terrified and conflicted. He had never thought that losing Anya was going to have to be something he had to worry about again.

"There has never been a child born to two force parents Ben! I'm going to be ripped to shreds." She said her voice cracking again this time tears rolling down her face.

Ben took a step towards her.

"Don't you even dare!" Anya snapped causing Ben to freeze in place.

"Anya, please."

"Just go, please just leave." Anya said the anger subsiding instead turning into hurt.

Ben nodded defeated as he gave Anya one last longing look before he left. Anya followed him shutting the door and locking it before she slowly made her way back to the bed curling up as she cried.

Ben heard the door lock and he sighed placing his forehead on the door. As he turned around he could see that everyone around him was staring and he quickly dropped his head making his way to the one place he knew he wouldn't be bothered.

"Solo!" He heard a voice call behind him but he tried to ignore it. "Ben!" The voice called stopping him in his tracks. Slowly he turned around to see FN 2187 or Finn as he was now apparently going by.

While Ben had been working with Finn for a few months it was still hard for Ben to trust him. Once a traitor always a traitor, but his mother seemed to like him well enough and so did Rey.

"What do you want!" Ben snapped bawling his hands up into fists.

"We are flying out soon, we have intel as to where Snoke might be hiding out…"

"I'm not going," Ben growled.

Finn froze looking at him shocked, but at the same time, he always had a feeling that Ben couldn't suppress Kylo for long. "What do you mean you aren't going?"

"I'm not flying out, I'm staying here, it's as simple as that." Ben said as he started to walk away again.

"Now wait a second." Finn said angrily as he grabbed Ben's arm. "We need you why aren't you flying out."

Ben finally had enough and threw Finn into the side of the wall using the force

There were gasps from the people around him and then he could hear the whispers starting.

"I knew it, he's going to kill us all."

"He's still a monster."

Ben took off in a jog trying to get away. When he reached the flight deck he ran straight for the millenium falcon.

As he sat in the cockpit, he reached to start the ship but the minute he did he froze. Remembering a moment from his childhood.

" _Daddy, do you have to go." Ben whined as he sat in the seat next to his father as Chewie leaned in the doorway._

" _Ben, yes I do and I need you to get off the ship." Han said grumbling still a little annoyed about the fight Leia and him had just had._

" _But you are always gone." Ben whined again this time a hint of sadness in his voice._

 _Han sighed as he turned to young boy sitting next to him looking up at his father with tears in his eyes._

" _Is it because you and mommy got in a fight, is that why you are leaving."_

 _Han closed his eyes "Shit,"_

 _The boy sat looking at his father waiting for an answer._

" _You heard that huh?" Han asked._

 _Ben just nodded._

" _Listen Ben, I love your mother very much, and no I'm not leaving because of the fight. We got in a fight because I am leaving. I have a lot of stuff I have to get done with work which means I'm very busy."_

" _You and mommy are always busy." Ben sniffed_

 _Han looked at the sad boy he knew that he was struggling. Han and Leia tried their best to be good parents to Ben, but it was difficult because both of them had jobs that required so much of their attention._

" _Hey, I know that we haven't really been around much, but you know that we love you."_

 _Ben just nodded but in his head he could hear voices telling him otherwise._

" _When I get back how about we go flying." Han said and he watched the little boys face transform from his sad face into an excited smiled._

" _Really!" Ben smiled._

The memory quickly faded and Ben crumbled forward against the control panel sobbing.

"She's pregnant, but she doesn't want to keep our child." Ben thought as he placed his head in his hands.

"But what if she's right, what if keeping this baby means that she dies. I don't think I can survive that."

Ben could feel himself starting to shake. For the first time in his life he was absolutely terrified. And the feeling of being utterly alone began to creep back in his head.

He tried to reach out for Anya's energy, trying to read her thoughts, even though he knew he might not like what she was thinking. But there was nothing there. She had finally done it, she had finally closed herself off completely from the force and from him.

"Ben," He heard a small voice say. He quickly turned around to see Rey standing behind him.

She looked different from the frighten scavenger he had met almost a year earlier. No longer were her clothes ratted and her hair wasn't messy. She stood now with a sense of confidence.

Ben quickly dropped his head again unable to look at her.

"What's going on. You threw Finn into a wall?" She gasped slowly inching forward.

"He was getting on my nerves." Ben scoffed but there was no anger in his voice. Just sadness.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"Nothing I'm just tired of…" But Ben couldn't even lie. He knew Rey could feel the shift in his energy. That's when he broke down he broke down and told her everything. Everything that had happened everything he had been feeling. Everything.

"I fucked up I fucked up really bad but all I was trying to do was protect her. But all I did was push her away. And now i'm alone again." He said wiping his face.

"Oh Ben," Rey sighed. "You aren't alone."

"I…" Ben said as he broke down again.

Rey quickly pulled Ben into a hug but the minute she did both saw a vision of what the future held.

Ben was facing Snoke by himself and Rey was in the millenium falcon fighting off the First Order as they attacked the city.

Ben could hear Anya screaming in his head and he could feel her energy fading.

Ben quickly backed away from Rey as the two looked at each other terrified.

"What did that mean?" Rey asked.

Ben froze as he ran scenarios through his head, but none of them were good.

"You have to help us, if the First Order is getting closer to an attack, and Snoke is also preparing to attack we have to have you lead us. You know both the First Order and Snoke better than most. We need you."

Ben sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Think about Anya and think about your child."

"I am thinking about Anya, I know how much she is going to hate me. And continue to hate me if I continue fighting against the First Order and if I continue to go after Snoke."

"Well she's not going to have the ability to hate you if she is dead." Rey snapped causing Ben to glare at her. "I'm sorry I don't mean to be harsh but come on Ben, do you know what would happen if the First Order let alone Snoke found out that Anya is pregnant."

"I know, I know."

"So then we need to do everything in our power to make sure neither does, and in order to do that we have to defeat them both."

Ben sighed again knowing that Rey was right.

"Fine." Ben said as he followed Rey out of the ship.

He tried to pretend like everything was normal. He tried to pretend that he didn't just want to run away and not have to face his problems. He tried to pretend that when he went to his room and found the door locked day after day, that it didn't tear him up inside. He tried to pretend that his focus was on the missions he was set out on and not Anya and the baby. But he knew he wasn't fooling anyone. Especially his mother.

So when he heard someone come onto the Millenium Falcon one night when he was sleeping he wasn't surprised.

"Ben," He heard a voice sigh as he sat up from the seat he had made a makeshift bed out of.

"Hi mom."

Leia sighed sadly as she sat down next to her son

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this." Ben broke

Leia put her arm around his shoulder rubbing his back as he leaned forward placing his head in his hands.

"Just give it time."

"It's been 2 weeks! She's going to end up having the kid without me, or she's not…"

"What do you mean?"

"She's terrified. She talked about how horrible parents we would both be, and how the child is going to kill her when she gives birth to it. And the more she talked about it the more I started to get afraid."

"Ben, being a parent is one of the scariest experiences in the world. But I promise you two will not be bad parents. There is nothing to worried about."

"What if she dies. I don't I can't…" Ben started breaking down.

"Ben," Leia tried to sooth.

"And now she won't talk to me, and I have tried to distract myself from the fact that my own wife doesn't want me around."

"Ben, Anya loves you, you know she does. She is just angry, but she will cool down I promise. But in the meantime, I'm suspending you from flying."

"What!" Ben gasped looking at his mother.

"Ben you just said your head isn't on straight, I can't have you out there flying when you can't focus on the missions that is a risk not only to yourself but to the rest of your fleet."

"So then what am I supposed to do with myself. All day mother you can't…"

"I am the General of this Resistance and you will do ask you are told!" Leia snapped silencing her son. "What you can do however is help strategize with me and you can help Rey as much as you can while staying on the base. Until everything gets sorted out and then I will let you fly on small missions. But nothing that could get you killed because you are not going to let that baby grow up without a father. Is that understood?"

Ben looked at his mother shocked. "Yes ma'am." He finally said when suddenly he felt a change in energy. "Something is wrong." He started when suddenly he took off running.

" _You're child will be mine"_ A voice snickered and Anya woke with a start.

She groaned as she sat up. The past few weeks Anya had had a lot of trouble sleeping and she knew exactly what the cause was, the empty space in the bed.

She could feel the tears welling up inside of her again, it felt as though she had been crying for two weeks straight.

Suddenly she heard the sound of the door opening. Quickly she turned to look and see a shadow standing in the now open doorway.

"Who is that?" She asked. "Ben is that you?" However she received no response. "Ben I don't want to talk to you, you know that." She sighed her voice cracking as she laid down her back towards the person. She had just about started to cry when suddenly she heard the sound of something metal hitting the floor.

Quickly she sat up turning to look at the figure who was no longer in the doorway.

"Ben?" She asked quickly when suddenly someone punched on her wrapping their hands around her neck.

"You were supposed to be the one to lead the First Order to victory, I backed you up. And you betrayed everyone you betrayed us all." The voice said and Anya recognized it as Phasma.

"Don't…" Anya tried to say but Phasma was choking her so hard she couldn't even make a sound.

"But you know what, you're absence hasn't stopped the First Order, it has only made us stronger. So strong that we are ready to completely wipe out all of the Resistance. Before they will even have time to prepare, we will be here ready and to completely destroy everyone. Starting with your precious Benjamin."

Anya could feel her consciousness slipping and she knew she had to do something. However without her Force connection she knew there was no way she could overpower Phasma.

"You can't give back into the Force." Her mind was telling her even though she could feel herself starting to shut down.

"Goodbye Supreme Leader." Phasma laughed as Anya started to slip into darkness

"No!" A voice yelled and suddenly Anya felt the pressure around her neck disappear and she began coughing and gasping slowly regaining consciousness.

"Take her down to the prisons!" Another voice yelled.

"Anya" The first voice said, and Anya slowly began to realize that it was Ben. "Are you alright?"

"Ben?" She asked.

"I'm taking her to the Medbay." Ben said and suddenly Anya felt herself lifted.

"Ben, I'm fine." Anya groaned her vision slowly returning.

"We need to make sure the baby is ok." Ben insisted hurrying out of the room.

Anya rolled her eyes.

"Are you sure you are ok?" Ben asked.

"Ben," She sighed annoyed.

"How… how have you been?"

"Really you want to talk about that right now?" Anya snapped.

Ben went silent until they reached Medbay.

"She is fine she is just going to be sore for a few days." The droid said.

"And the baby." Ben inisted.

"We are going to take a sonogram, to make sure." Slowly the droid began to lift up Anya shirt revealing her slightly swollen stomach. "This may feel cold." Then the droid held its hand over Anya's stomach.

"I don't want to do this?" Anya started.

"Just shut up," Ben snapped.

"Ben I'm serious I don't…" But suddenly the sound of not one but two heartbeats.

"Is that…" Ben gasped. '

"Two heartbeats?" Anya gasped tears in her eyes.

"It looks like the babies are absolutely fine."

"Babies?" Ben said still in absolute shock.

"Master and Mrs. Solo, you are having twins."


End file.
